


When I Look Into Your Eyes

by otaiwanmei



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Child DoWoon, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Flirting, M/M, Single Parents, Slow Burn, Sweet, babysitter junhyeok (brief appearance), cute awkward loveable jae, idk why sungjin is so soft in this one, single father brian, slightly ooc sungjin, wonpil is a real mvp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 55,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23361640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otaiwanmei/pseuds/otaiwanmei
Summary: Brian is everything Jae's ever looked for in a partner- smart, hilarious, and down-to-earth. There's just one problem: he has a kid.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K & Park Jaehyung | Jae, Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae, Kim Wonpil & Park Sungjin, Kim Wonpil/Park Sungjin
Comments: 150
Kudos: 388





	1. Beautiful Sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This one's real sweet and may cause cavities; for maximum effect, read with a mug of hot cocoa. Please enjoy!

Jae clasps clammy hands together for the thousandth time tonight, knees bouncing up and down with nervousness.

He goes to mess with his dirty blond hair but remembers he'd styled it with mousse, so he plucks his too-large frames off his slim face instead and rubs at the lenses with a sleeve.

_He's late._

Jae straightens the cuff of his cream colored button-down before running sweaty hands down his pant legs, all too aware of the empty chair across the table.

The waitress has already come by twice to ask if he wants to order. By the next time she comes, Jae will be gone.

Gone from this modern, fancy restaurant that his date had picked, and gone from dating. Period.

If this date is a flop, which seems more and more likely as the minutes pass, Jae will be done dating forever. Or at least till the next fad app catches his eye.

Simply put, he's done with the weirdos, done with the creeps, and done with trying.

Jae tenses, seeing the waitress start to make her way toward his table, and goes to gather his coat.

"Wait, are you Jae?!"

A breathy voice comes from his left, and he turns to see the asshole that kept him waiting.

Honey-colored skin, light brown hair swept attractively to one side, beautifully feline eyes, and silvery earrings dangling from the lobes.

Jae feels himself slump in disappointment.

_Damn, he's even hotter than his pictures..._

Jae knows that he's weak for hotties, and this one seems like a bad boy to boot with his leather jacket and acid wash jeans.

"You _are_ Jae, right?"

The attractive stranger (Brian, if Jae remembers correctly) seems to second-guess his conviction the longer Jae stares at him.

He makes to leave. "Sorry, I-"

"Yeah. I am," Jae finally gets out, voice cracking.

Jae winces at his own awkwardness.

"Oh, good," the man says, visibly relieved. "I'm Brian."

The hottie- Brian- holds out his hand, lips stretching wide and eyes crinkling into one of the most endearing smiles Jae's ever seen.

Jae takes it and shakes, hoping his palm isn't too sweaty.

"I really am sorry for being late," Brian apologizes, "Something came up just as I was getting out the door and-"

Jae holds up a hand to stop him. He sounds genuinely apologetic and, well, he's hot as fuck.

"Don't worry about it. You made it in the end, so.."

Brian's hesitant smile turns into a grin as he takes a seat. "You're telling me someone as easy on the eyes as you gets stood up?"

Despite the obvious flattery, Jae feels heat rise to his cheeks.

"Oh, come on-"

"How about you tell me all about it over dinner? My treat, of course, for being late," Brian says, grin widening.

Jae stares in disbelief.

"You are _smooth_ ," he says.

Brian just laughs, gives him an over-the-top wink, and waves over the waitress.

"You did not!" Jae guffaws through a mouthful of salmon.

"I did!" Brian laments, sinking down to cover his face with a hand. "I had the scar for _ages_ and my friends wouldn't let me live it down!"

Jae laughs at Brian's expense, secretly thinking the way his handsome face scrunches in embarrassment is awfully cute.

"Your turn," Brian says, looking up with a smile. "Embarrassing story. Shoot."

Jae stalls for a second.

"Well, I don't have anything as embarrassing as face planting into a fence-"

"Oh my god, Jae!"

Brian kicks him lightly under the table, pretending to be angry.

"Footsie now, is it?" Jae says, quirking a brow.

He kicks Brian back, grinning when he feels his foot caught between two shins. He tries to tug his foot back, but quickly gives up when Brian's legs wrap tighter around his.

Brian's eyes take on a mischievous glint, and Jae takes a sip of wine, trying to ignore how his pulse quickens.

It's been all too easy getting to know Brian, what with his quick wit, easy-going personality, and flirty humor. Jae is finding that this date, despite its rocky start, has quickly risen to be one of the best dates he's ever had.

"So?" Brian asks, sipping his americano. (Embarrassed at having been the only one to order alcohol, Jae had tried to change it, but Brian quickly dissuaded him, saying he had great taste in wine.)

Jae thinks for a second, trying to pick something that's just dumb enough without being weird.

"Well, when I was in high school, I used to have a cringey YouTube channel where I uploaded covers?"

"Really? Like song covers?" Brian asks, looking interested.

"Yeah, with guitar," Jae affirms. "I don't really sing any more now, though. And before you ask, the channel is deleted. Gone. No más."

"Oh, that's too bad," Brian says, grinning. "I would've liked to see high school Jae."

The way he smiles creates wrinkles on the bridge of his nose, lifts his cheeks up toward his eyes, and Jae thinks it's somehow _too_ attractive.

"High school Jae was a twink. The type of guy someone like you would bully," Jae shoots back.

"You think I'm a bully? Wow," Brian says, mock offended.

"Everyone knows that guys with leather jackets and piercings are bad news," Jae points out.

"Shoot, you got me there," Brian says with a good-natured smile. "But really, singing takes a lot of courage. I can't imagine how much it took to upload those videos.”

Brian's expression shows he's being serious, his eyes piercing into Jae as though he really gets him, really understands him.

It's been such a long time since Jae's felt _seen_ by someone like this.

"It didn't really take that much," Jae admits, fiddling with his fork. "Easier to sing for a bunch of faceless people on the internet than in front of a live audience."

"Still, though... I respect that," Brian says. "Not everyone has the bravery to go through with their dreams."

Something about Brian's tone snags in Jae's mind. He sounds... regretful?

Jae decides to dig a bit.

"Sounds like there's some history there," Jae teases. "What're you not telling me?"

Brian huffs, amused. Looks around the room as though he's trying to find something else to talk about.

"Not much to tell, really."

"That expression means there's totally something! Come on!"

Brian sighs, opening his mouth to protest, but Jae gives him his best imploring gaze, grinning internally when Brian's expression wavers and relents.

"I was scouted by a talent agency when I graduated high school. Trained, sang, danced, the whole nine yards," Brian starts. "I was gonna be part of this band, play guitar. We even had a name picked out and our debut date planned."

Brian runs a hand through his hair, but even mussed it still looks perfect to Jae.

"And?" Jae asks, eager to hear more.

"And nothing," Brian says, mouth quirking up in a rueful smile. "Things didn't work out, everyone went their separate ways, 5LIVE was no more."

"5LIVE? What, like the drink?"

Brian barks out a startled laugh.

"I guess it does sound like that, huh."

"Well, brownie points for you," Jae quips. "Didn't know I was on a date with an ex-almost musician."

Despite his joke, Jae is impressed- surprised even- the more he uncovers about this talented, attractive man.

"See?" Brian teases, wagging his fork at Jae. "Don't judge a bully by his leather jacket."

By the time they're onto dessert, Jae is more than a hundred percent sure he wants to see Brian again.

Brian is quietly hilarious, overly talented (seriously, what normal human can become a trumpet with their lips alone, Jae wonders), confident yet humble, and- Jae's already thought this a million times tonight- freaking hot.

To put it like that one Shrek movie, Brian's an onion.

A sexy, Asian onion.

And with each layer that Jae peels back, there's a new surprise waiting for him.

Cool biker image but secretly soft for kittens? Check.

Plays pranks on his friends but also settles down to watch a good movie on the weekend? Check.

Seems to be just as into Jae as Jae is into him?

Jae is surprised, but... Check.

The man hadn't even batted an eye when Jae had shown him an old screenshot from one of his videos- where he'd had chunky glasses and his hair styled into an awful mohawk- Brian had just whipped out his phone and shown him an equally horrible picture from his trainee days.

Jae doesn't like sappy rom com's, but with the way they're both leaning forward, chins on their hands, not even paying attention to their cream puffs, makes him think that he wouldn't even mind a live violin serenading them in the background right now.

"So... Unpopular opinions?" Brian asks, tilting his head from where it rests on his knuckles.

"Ooh, I have plenty," Jae says, "You start."

Brian thinks for a second, then says, "Sofas are more comfortable than beds to sleep on. Like, always."

Jae gives him a look.

"You're weird."

Brian shrugs, grinning. "So I've been told."

"Okay. Unpopular opinion- old Taylor Swift is miles better than new T Swift."

Brian quirks a brow.

"What?" Jae defends himself. " _Fearless_ was a great album! The defining soundtrack of my gay, high school self."

"Fair enough," Brian says, giving him a playfully judging expression. "My turn- insects taste good."

Jae makes a face. "What the fuck did you eat as a kid?"

"Crayons, actually," Brian says, laughing. "But recently, I tried fried mealworms, and if I'm being honest, they're pretty tasty-"

"-eww stop!!" Jae cries, covering his ears.

"-especially if you throw some salt and butter on them, _mm-mm_ ," Brian finishes, smacking his lips together.

Jae fake vomits over the side of the table.

"Your turn," Brian says, amused.

He's got both elbows on the table now, chin nestled on interlaced fingers, and the way his eyes flicker in the faux candlelight makes something in Jae's chest constrict.

Brian's smiling again, the smaller version this time- without the adorable nose crinkles- but feline eyes still pulling up at the edges and cupid's bow pulled taught at the corners.

Jae wonders what it'd be like to kiss Brian.

"Hmm… Super unpopular opinion," Jae starts. "But I hate kids. They're messy, loud, and honestly speaking, kinda dumb."

Brian's smile drops as suddenly as a stone falling into water.

The mirth and softness from his face are gone like a flash, and Jae feels like his world is tilting.

Brian straightens and sits back in his chair.

He looks away, runs a hand through his hair.

"Oh, is that so?"

Brian's wearing a new expression now.

There's a fine crinkle between his brows on his otherwise unlined forehead and the corners of his lips are actually turning _downward_ \- a feat Jae hadn't thought possible till just now.

"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?" Jae asks.

Internally, he's panicking. He doesn't know what's caused the sudden turn in atmosphere, but now that it's changed, everything feels ten degrees colder, like an avalanche about to come crashing down upon them, and Jae didn’t want to mess this up-

"No. You- well, uh-" Brian stumbles over his words, still avoiding his gaze.

He takes a deep breath, seeming to gather himself; blows it out, face disappointed.

"Look," he says, finally facing Jae, though his eyes seem to stop short of Jae's, resting somewhere around his ear. "I had a great time, Jae, but I don't think this will work out."

Brian signals the waitress for their check and shrugs on his leather jacket.

"Wait, Brian, I don't understand. Was it what I said about kids? Is it such a big turn off? Like- why does it matter? Unless you-"

The waitress drops their check off.

Brian stills, waiting for Jae to put the pieces together.

Jae does, too late.

"... You have a kid, don't you?"

Brian reaches into his wallet to bring out a wad of cash, counts the bills quickly, throws them between the folds of the check holder, and stands.

The smile he plasters on his face is strained- _fake_ \- and Jae can't stand seeing it there, not after he had the real thing just minutes ago.

"Yeah. His name's Dowoon, and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. Sorry this didn't work out."

He takes a step, then pauses.

"I hope you find what you're looking for, Jae."

With that, Brian turns on his heel and leaves.

Jae swipes refresh on his phone for the thousandth time, watches as the contact icons at the top reload, and sighs in disappointment yet again.

He's slumped over the breakroom table at work, one arm outstretched with phone in hand, glasses barely hanging on to the tip of his nose.

He frowns as they finally slide off his face onto the table.

Not like it matters.

Being able to see won't mean Brian will unblock him from Tinder.

Despite their disastrous date a few days ago, Jae can't seem to forget about him.

Brian had been so _real_ , so _interesting_. He'd made Jae feel like they'd known each other for forever, while simultaneously surprising him at every turn.

And what was that Jae'd said about onions?

Right. Layers.

Layers upon layers of cute expressions, teasing glances; that beautiful, throaty laugh lighting up his face, silver earrings swaying, gleaming in the candlelight.

And at the very center of it all- a kid.

Brian had surprised him yet again.

Jae found it hard to imagine the sexy, suave guy in a biker's jacket who'd nearly debuted in a band being a dad.

_A dad._

The guy had more sex appeal than physical sex.

It was a wonder he even had to use something like Tinder to get a date.

But then again, Jae figures, having a kid must make it harder. People not wanting the extra commitment and all that.

Jae recalls the way Brian's face had wiped clean of all expression as soon as Jae'd blurted out his stupid, idiotic thoughts about kids.

In truth, Jae doesn't actually _hate_ kids...

He does think they're annoying and loud, and all that other crap he'd said...

But if it were Brian's kid, maybe he wouldn't mind trying.

Brian, who'd told him embarrassing stories about himself to make Jae feel more comfortable. Brian, who'd conversed and joked around with Jae as easy as breathing. Brian, who'd still paid for dinner despite having his kid trash-talked right in front of him.

Fuck, Jae has messed up.

Big time.

And worst of all, he can't fix it.

No Tinder, no number, not even an email address. And yes, he'd scoured Facebook, Instagram, _and_ Twitter, and hadn't found any hot, single Brian Kang's with _his_ Brian's face.

The dude had disappeared, and Jae was losing all hope of finding him again.

"What's up, Jae? Are you feeling okay?" asks Wonpil, having entered the breakroom to heat up his and Sungjin's lunch.

Wonpil and Sungjin are his married coworkers, whose booths happen to be right next to Jae's. His first day here, he'd caught them not-so-subtly passing notes to each other over their cubicle dividers, which had resulted in them passing notes to Jae as well, since apparently he'd looked lonely (but Jae was pretty sure he'd been giving them a 'what the fuck are you doing' look).

He'd quickly found out that Sungjin is the cook in their relationship, not trusting Wonpil to _not_ add too much salt, and only allows the younger man to reheat their food.

It's disgusting, in Jae's opinion, how domestic they are together.

"Met a nice guy. Had a great date," mumbles Jae, fruitlessly refreshing the app once more.

"That's good, right?"

"He blocked me on Tinder," he adds.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well, how about you come over to our place on Friday? We do movie nights with popcorn and candy," Wonpil offers.

Jae hums disinterestedly, sure Wonpil's just being nice.

"That's nice, but I don't wanna be a third wheel,” he says.

"You won't be. One of our friends usually comes to hang out. He's real cool, I promise. Great taste in movies. You'll like him."

Jae considers. Figures it won't hurt.

"Sure," he agrees.

Wonpil beams at him before singing his fingers on the hot tupperware.

Jae shuffles on his feet in front of the door, shaking his box of assorted cookies in boredom.

Absentmindedly, he checks his reflection in his phone, making sure his bangs- which have the awful habit of blowing every which way in the slightest breeze- are properly tamed.

Maybe Wonpil's friend is cute.

Wondering what's taking them so long, he raises his hand to knock again.

The door opens. A head pokes out.

"Sorry, we were- _oh_ ," a very familiar voice starts.

Jae stares.

It's Brian.

Sexy, cute Brian from the date.

 _That_ Brian _._

The panicked expression on his face is kind of funny but also really adorable- lips in a surprised 'o,' pretty almond eyes wide and illuminated by the door lamp. His light chestnut hair is less styled today, flopping over his eyes.

"Wrong apartment, sorry-"

And then he's gone.

The door shuts in Jae's face.

"What-“

He hears movements behind the door, muffled voices, some thumping, and then-

"Sorry about that, _aha_... Hey, Jae, come on in," says Wonpil, face cheery and like nothing is out of place.

"Wait, but-"

Jae points, confused, to where the man who's plagued his mind for the past week was just standing.

"Don't worry, Brian was just surprised," Wonpil says, grabbing Jae's sleeve and pulling him into the apartment. "Ooh, you brought cookies! Sungjin, Jae brought cookies!" he shouts down the hallway, taking the box.

Jae looks down the short hallway but sees no glimpse of the brunette.

He is beyond confused- Brian is the friend that Wonpil and Sungjin have movie nights with? _And they've never told him about their hot single guy friend?!_

Jae feels slightly betrayed.

And also extremely, extremely lucky.

It's like heaven is giving him another chance.

"You can put your shoes there," Wonpil says, gesturing to the nearby rack. "C'mon, we're trying to decide between _Late Night_ and _A Simple Favor_."

"Whatever’s fine," Jae says, distracted, eyes searching for Brian.

He follows Wonpil to the living room, but still no sign of the man.

Jae isn’t sure whether to be ecstatic or terrified.

"So... you guys know each other," Wonpil states more than asks, looking at Jae looking around the apartment.

"Well... yeah, we-"

Something moves in his periphery.

Jae cuts himself off, eyes shooting to- and falling in disappointment- as Sungjin walks into the room, bowl of popcorn in hand.

"Hm."

Wonpil gives Jae an unimpressed look, then stalks off down the hallway, muttering under his breath.

"Popcorn?" Sungjin offers the bowl to him.

"Nah, I'm good, thanks," Jae responds.

"More for me," Sungjin shrugs, stuffing a large handful of buttery kernels into his mouth.

Jae shuffles on his feet, not knowing what to do with his hands.

"-pil, I don't want to- just let me- _ugh fine_!"

Muttering becomes audible as a door is opened, and then Brian is being shoved down the hallway by a much smaller, but more determined, Wonpil.

Blocked by the door, Jae hadn't seen Brian fully before.

He's dressed completely differently today- oversized, pastel pink shirt with sleeves to the forearms, slim black pants, and ankle socks. He still has his dangly earrings, though, and a matching silver necklace with a charm on it.

It's a complete 180 from his date look; casual and soft, simple but stylish, where his date look had been one hundred percent pure sex appeal.

It suits him equally, though, and Jae finds that where he could imagine pushing leather jacket Brian into a wall and kissing him breathless, with this Brian he'd rather cuddle and share sweet nothings long into the night.

_Fuck._

One date and this guy's already turned him into a hormonal mess.

Jae realizes Brian's looking at him, unimpressed, while he just _stares_ , and Jae blinks in confusion.

Without saying anything, the man walks over to the single-person sofa and plops down, smoothly stealing the bowl of popcorn from Sungjin along the way.

"Hey! I was eating that!" Sungjin protests.

Brian just quirks a defiant brow and pops a kernel into his mouth with delicate fingers.

"Sungjin, Jae brought cookies," Wonpil stage whispers, shoving the box into his husband's hands and plopping down next to him.

"Oh, nice! Thanks, Jae!" Sungjin says, popping open the tin.

Jae's having trouble figuring out what to say- he wants to apologize, but now seems like a really weird time to do it, what with Sungjin and Wonpil sitting right there, and-

"Are you going to sit or not?" Brian asks, deadpan.

Jae flinches, not expecting to be addressed directly.

Jae looks up into his eyes and sees that they're not smiling at him; they're cold and devoid of cute corner crinkles, so he knows Brian's still angry. Or disappointed. Or both.

"I- yeah-"

Jae lowers himself slowly onto the couch next to Wonpil, furthest seat away from Brian.

"This is quite the coincidence, huh?" Wonpil says cheerily, trying to dispel the awkwardness.

"Uhh- yup," Jae says, smacking the 'p' sound.

The silence is deafening.

If they’re talking about this, Jae might as well try to find out more about Brian. "So, how do you guys know each other?"

He's dying to know.

"Oh, we've known Brian since we hired him to sing at our wedding five years ago," Wonpil explains. "Sungjin got drunk and started belting along with him and even stole his mic at one point! It was hilarious! Luckily, Brian was super chill about it and we've been friends ever since."

Jae’s surprised. Brian had told him he was working as a book editor for a publishing company, and hadn’t mentioned that he still sang after quitting as a trainee…

Brian continues munching on the popcorn.

"How often do you guys have movie nights?" Jae says, taking a surreptitious glance at Brian, hoping he might join in on the conversation.

"It used to be weekly, but then Brian had to take care of Dowoon, so- _ah_."

Brian turns to glare at Wonpil, and Wonpil shuts up.

"Wow, what exactly did you do to him, Jae? I've never seen Brian mad at anyone like this," Sungjin interjects, mouth full of cookie.

Brian chokes on a piece of popcorn.

Wonpil smacks his husband on the leg, glaring.

"Sungjin-"

"No, it's fine, I said something stupid. It's my fault," Jae admits, smiling awkwardly.

Brian turns his dark eyes toward him, quirking a brow as if to say, 'Oh really?', and Jae fidgets under the scrutiny.

"So, what did you say?"

" _Sungjin!_ "

Jae feels his face start to heat. "Ah, well-"

"Doesn't matter," Brian coolly interjects, turning to the TV with remote in hand. "Let's just watch the movie, 'kay?"

Everyone goes silent as he presses some buttons and the opening sequence starts to blare.

Wonpil hits the light switch, and Jae's left to stare at the hard line of Brian's jaw, sharply delineated in the dim room by the glaring television. His face is devoid of emotion, feline eyes intent on the screen.

Jae wonders why the man cut in, sure Wonpil and Sungjin would have (deservedly) given him a hard time had they found out what he'd said, but he's sure that Brian didn't do it out of any kindness for Jae.

Brian chooses then to pop another kernel into his mouth, plump lips wrapping around the snack. He pauses to lick the butter off the tip of his index finger.

With one leg folded in front of him and the other lithely draped over the armrest, Brian looks fucking hot.

Jae's never been so hopelessly attracted to anyone like this so quickly- both physically _and_ emotionally- and he really, _really_ wants to fix things with Brian.

This is a golden opportunity- one he never thought he'd get after Brian had blocked him- and he has to make the most of it.

By the end of the movie, Jae has no fucking clue what's going on as the main character shoots her love interest in the chest only to have the love interest's wife turn a gun on them both.

If the movie's any indicator of how things will turn out tonight, Jae wonders if he should just run for it now.

The lights flip back on, and Jae blinks against the harsh light.

He stretches and wakes up his limbs from the two hours of sitting.

"Well, this was fun, but I should get going," comes Brian's voice from his left.

Jae snaps his eyes open and looks over to where Brian is already pulling on his leather jacket and sneakers.

Jae panics, drowsiness quickly evaporating, as Brian envelops Wonpil in a brief hug.

"Do you have to go so soon?" whines Wonpil, turning his puppy dog eyes to the max.

"You know Dowoon's waiting for me," Brian says in response, though with the way he's purposely avoiding looking anywhere in Jae's vicinity says something else.

Wonpil pouts as Brian turns toward the door.

"See ya, Sungjin," Brian nods toward the other man, waves, then pulls the door open.

"Wait!"

Jae catches up to him just as he's about to step through.

He's miscalculated his speed and the abruptness with which Brian would stop, and ends up much too close to Brian, awkwardly pinning him against the doorframe.

This close, he sees Brian's eyelashes brush his cheeks as he blinks in surprise.

"Uhh sorry," Jae apologizes, quickly backing up. "Can I walk you home?"

Something in Brian's face tightens, and Jae quickly realizes that was the wrong thing to say.

"I mean- that's weird to ask, isn't it? Can I just- can we talk? I need to say something to you."

He pleads to Brian with his eyes, hoping he'll understand that Jae's not a worthless asshole or a creep.

Brian's eyes dart over to where Wonpil and Sungjin are presumably still standing (what they think of this, Jae doesn't want to imagine) before meeting Jae's once more.

He licks his lips and runs a nervous hand through his hair before giving Jae a slow nod, saying, "Let's talk outside."

Then he's out the door.

Jae scrambles to shove his shoes on, gives Wonpil and Sungjin an apologetic grin (to which Wonpil shoos him to hurry and Sungjin gives a thumbs up), then rushes to follow Brian.

As soon as the door closes, Sungjin gives a low wolf-whistle.

"They are sooo into each other~" he half-sings.

"I know right?!" Wonpil says, clapping his hands together excitedly. "Jae couldn't keep his eyes off Brian the whole time!"

"And did you see Brian's face? Clearly didn't catch a word of the movie," Sungjin adds.

"They must've had an amazing date," sighs Wonpil dreamily.

Sungjin snorts and back-hugs Wonpil, unable to resist doing so when he's making such a cute face.

"What makes you say that? I thought something went _wrong_ , that's why Brian's mad."

"Yeah, but if it had just been a bad date in general, Brian wouldn't still be mad about it- he'd just get over it like all his other awful dates. This is different because Jae must've done one bad thing to ruin it all-"

"-and the reason why he's still mad is because Jae was otherwise perfect?"

"See? You get it," says Wonpil happily.

"Since you explained it so well~" Sungjin play-growls, nuzzling into Wonpil's face.

Wonpil shrieks with laughter, batting at his husband with hands that can't seem to decide if they want to push him away or pull him closer.

Outside, Brian starts walking away from Jae.

"Um-"

Brian shoots him a withering glare from over his shoulder, face impassive and such a far cry from how expressive it was on their date.

He jerks his head as if to say, 'this way, idiot,' before continuing down the road.

Despite it being a Friday night, there's no one else walking along the street dimly lit by orangey-pink lamps. A car rumbles past, loud music mutedly seeping through the windows.

Jae scrambles to catch up, stumbling over nothing as he slows to match Brian's pace, stays a step behind, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

"Look, Brian. I just wanted to say that I think you're cool and I really-"

"Wait."

Brian stops walking and holds up a hand, halting Jae in his tracks.

"You're a nice guy, Jae, and I get what you're trying to say, so why don't we just make it easier on both of us and call it here?"

Jae blinks.

"What?"

An impatient look settles over Brian’s features.

"You weren't expecting me to have a kid, it's not really what you're looking for, thanks but no thanks, et cetera, et cetera-"

Brian says this without much expression, but Jae sees the way he grasps at his own arms tightly, shifts on his feet uncomfortably.

"-wait no- that's not what I was saying at all," Jae interrupts.

Brian looks confused.

He blinks, eyes widening with a kind of owlish innocence that Jae thinks is adorable.

"I just wanted to say sorry. You know. For, uh-"

"-for calling my kid stupid and annoying?"

"Well, I didn’t say that about _your_ kid, per se-"

Brian shoots him a look and Jae amends quickly.

"-but yeah. That. I'm sorry. For being stupid."

Jae feels himself start to sweat the longer Brian goes without talking.

"How was I supposed to know you have a kid?" Jae blurts, wincing as it comes out more accusatory than he meant.

Brian opens his mouth to retort, but Jae continues.

"I mean, I don't _actually_ hate kids, you know, I was just kinda playing it up 'cause you're hot and you make me nervous and kids really aren't _that_ bad, I mean I still think they're annoying little fuckers sometimes and there was this one time I flicked a kid on the forehead and he punched me in the nuts-"

Brian abruptly makes a choked noise somewhere between a cough and a snort, and hunches over, turning away from Jae.

His shoulders begin to shake and it looks like he's bringing a hand up to his face and Jae wonders if he's having some sort of coughing fit.

"Are you okay? Uh-"

Brian bends in half, shaking violently. Jae wonders if he should run and get some water from the convenience store.

"Um- fuck- are you choking? Do you need the Heimlich? Should I call an ambulance-"

Jae brings a hesitant hand to Brian's back, wondering if he should whack it like in the movies-

-and Brian bursts out laughing, unable to hold it in anymore.

Jae watches in bewilderment as Brian covers his face with his hands, laughing deeply and loudly, even clutching his stomach as he wheezes with laughter.

"You're so- _dumb_ -" Brian squeezes out between breaths.

Relief floods through Jae.

"Yeah, that's fair," Jae says, a little breathless himself.

He feels a smile pulling at his own lips, unable to contain it with Brian so freely dissolving into laughter before him.

Well, this is going better than he'd dared hope.

Then, just as abruptly as he'd started, Brian stops laughing and straightens up.

Poker-faced, he looks Jae right in the face and says, "I don't forgive you."

Jae almost believes him, but sees the grin threatening to take over once more, the mirth pulling at the corners of his eyes.

Jae's unable to stop himself from grinning.

Brian looks away and laughs, softer this time and not bothering to cover it up.

Jae's not sure if it's just the lighting, but Brian's cheeks look slightly pink.

The thought warms Jae's cheeks in response.

Brian continues walking, and Jae falls into step beside him, wondering if it's presumptuous of him to allow their shoulders to brush together ever so slightly.

Brian tenses, face sobering.

"...This doesn't mean we're having a second date, though," he says.

"What? Why not?" asks Jae.

He'd thought- their moment just now- hadn't Brian forgiven him?

"You don't want to date someone with a kid. I'm really not what you're looking for," Brian reasons, waving his hands around demonstratively, sounding like he’s reciting something he’s heard countless times before. (Which Jae thinks he probably has.) "I mean, even if you don't actually hate kids, you still- you don't like them. I don't think you want to deal with one."

So that's it.

Brian doesn't think he's ready to handle a kid.

Jae wants to prove him wrong.

"I mean... Look, Brian, you're right. You're not what I was looking for," Jae admits.

Something flashes across Brian's face- something like disappointment- before it smooths out once more.

Jae pushes on.

"You're so much more."

Brian breathes in so sharply it almost sounds painful.

Jae tugs his sleeve to halt him and turns to face the man.

"I had a great time the other night, and I know you did, too," Jae pushes on, heartbeat thudding loudly in his chest. "It's been so long since I've felt connected to someone like that, and every day since then- _god, I sound like such a sap right now_ \- every day since then I've been thinking about you, about how cool and smart and funny you are, and I was killing myself inside for messing it all up."

Brian wraps his arms around himself, face conflicted, not looking at Jae. His ears and cheeks are flushed a pretty pink, accentuated by the soft streetlights around them.

Jae tries not to get too distracted.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want to give this a try. Us, I mean. And... Dowoon. If you'll let me."

Brian bites his lower lip.

"Will you let me?"

Brian opens his mouth- closes it- that small furrow reappearing between his brows.

"I... I'll think about it," Brian finally offers, covering his flushed face with a hand.

Well, it's not a yes, but if Jae's looking at the glass half full, it's definitely not a no.

He grins.


	2. How Old is Your Soul?

Jae bares his teeth to the mirror, checking for what must be the fifth time tonight to make sure he doesn't have anything stuck in between.

Adjusting the collar of his striped button down, he frowns and picks off a miniscule piece of lint.

Someone knocks on the door right as he’s about to mess with his hair again.

Quickly, he rinses and dries his hands, shoots himself some finger guns in the mirror, and wrenches open the door to an unimpressed Wonpil.

"Seriously, Jae, you need to chill. You look great."

"Yeah, but-"

"-and Brian said he's gonna be here soon."

"What?! C'mon then, let’s go!"

Jae drags an unamused Wonpil back to their table where Sungjin sits, playing a game on his phone.

In place of movie night this Friday, they'd decided on going out for food and drinks.

Jae had been delighted to receive the invitation at work on Wednesday, and spent basically the entire rest of the week bothering his friends about what he should wear, if Brian actually wanted him to go (Wonpil had just shown him Brian's shrug emoji sent in place of an answer), and so on, to the point that Wonpil and Sungjin had actually asked _him_ to shut up for once.

It's just that... Jae finally gets to see him again.

Honestly, a week feels forever when you've got a crush, and Jae's always been the impatient type.

Also, Wonpil had refused to give him Brian's number, stating that it should be up to Brian, and while Jae understands that- really, he does- he just hates not being able to talk to him whenever he can.

Jae slides into his seat next to Sungjin, and Wonpil into his across from Sungjin.

"So, he figured out the thing with his babysitter?" Jae asks.

"... Yeah," Sungjin says, distracted by his game. "Luckily, his usual one knew someone else who lives close by and they were free tonight."

Jae hums, wondering if Brian had been late that first date for something Dowoon-related.

He glances toward the entrance, jiggling a knee up and down and drumming his fingers on the table.

"Jae, seriously, _chill_ ," Wonpil says.

"I'm trying, but-"

The words die on Jae's lips as he spots Brian walking in the door.

Tie-dyed black and white loose-fitting button up with the front tucked into light blue ripped jeans teasing smooth, honeyed skin. His hair's styled as it had been the first date, longer strands of light brown hair swooping over the left side of his forehead.

As Jae watches, Brian pauses and reaches up an arm, wrist encircled by a silver bracelet with a charm that catches the light as he runs his hand through his hair self-consciously.

In short, he's _gorgeous_.

Brian's back to being a walking beacon of sexual attraction, and Jae can't decide if he's happy or miserable about it.

Brian spots them and makes his way over to their table.

Jae quickly turns to Sungjin.

"What were you saying again?"

Sungjin gives him a confused look.

"I wasn't saying anything?"

Wonpil snorts.

"You’re being so dumb right now."

Jae pretends to laugh loudly, aware that Brian is almost at the table.

"You're so funny, Wonpil!"

Wonpil laughs along with him but gives him a look that says he thinks Jae’s a complete idiot.

"Sorry I'm late, guys!" Brian says, pulling out the remaining chair and taking a seat.

"Noo problemoo~" Jae says with an awkward chuckle.

Brian looks at him, eyebrows raised.

This close, he looks like a dream- warm, brown eyes accentuated by high cheekbones and smooth, golden skin.

His lips are pink and soft, and Jae wonders what kind of chapstick he uses.

Brian clears his throat and looks away, seemingly embarrassed.

Blinking, Jae comes to and realizes everyone (with the exception of Brian now) is staring at him.

"What?" he asks, self-conscious.

"You have the dopiest expression on your face," Sungjin tells him.

"Like Brian just gave you a million dollars," Wonpil adds.

Brian is turning red, Jae notes with interest.

"Can we just order, please?" Brian asks, turning around to wave at the waiter.

Jae admires the long curve of his neck, notices that with his head turned like this, Jae can see his right ear, silver feather earring dangling from it as usual, and right above the earring are two tiny moles that almost look like more piercings.

It's cute.

Jae wants to slap himself for thinking something disgustingly sappy like 'Brian's moles are cute' but they _are_.

They're just so _him_.

Brian turns back around, waiter coming to stand in between where Brian and Jae sit across from one another, and Brian starts rattling off a whole list of foods.

"Can I have the soybean noodle soup, non-spicy seafood noodles, the fried chicken appetizer, potstickers-"

Jae looks over at Wonpil, bewildered.

"Is he ordering for everyone?" he half-whispers.

Wonpil cracks up and shakes his head.

"- pork ramen, and an iced americano, please," Brian says, finally wrapping up.

He swings his head around to look at Wonpil, who's ordering next, but double takes when he sees Jae's incredulous expression directed at him.

He quirks a brow, expression somewhat smug, and Jae gets the feeling he's thinking, _What? You think I can't?_

Jae deepens the look of disbelief on his face.

Brian tilts his head, half-smirking.

_You'll see._

Jae does see, thirty minutes later after all their food's arrived and Wonpil’s and Jae's dishes are nearly finished while Brian is onto his _third_ bowl of noodles, happily slurping away like there's no tomorrow.

He watches as Brian takes a potsticker and somehow neatly places it in his seemingly endless mouth along with a full helping of noodles.

His cheeks are bulging and full to the brim but he's somehow able to talk around it all, conversing with Wonpil and Sungjin like it's no big deal.

How he manages to not get food everywhere- while staying handsome as hell but also being adorable beyond belief (he's giving off strong chipmunk vibes right now)- boggles the fuck out of Jae's mind.

"Were you holding back before?" Jae blurts out when he can’t hold it in any longer.

Brian pauses, in the middle of slurping another long string of noodles into his mouth.

He takes his sweet time chewing and swallowing, even pats his lips with a napkin and takes a sip of his iced coffee before answering.

"What do you mean?" he asks, eyes turned innocently upward at Jae.

"If I recall correctly, you ordered a _salad_ at our date, and that was it. Not gonna lie, I thought you might be a fad dieter," Jae points out.

Brian's eyes shimmer in amusement.

"When you've gone on as many bad dates as I have, you learn to order something you're okay with leaving behind," the man says simply.

"Oh. So, you thought our date would be bad," Jae says.

Brian shrugs.

"I was just being cautious," he says.

"You _jerk_ ," Jae cries in mock offense. "I ordered a whole salmon!"

Brian laughs, nose scrunching up in that way Jae's starting to realize only happens when he's completely relaxed- he's only seen it directed at Sungjin and Wonpil (and briefly during their date) until now.

Jae fiddles with his chopsticks, pleased to have induced such a reaction.

"Not gonna lie, I thought you ordered that because the other dishes were in French and you didn't want to seem dumb," Brian quips.

Jae grins. "How did you know?"

Brian laughs, loud and full-bellied, and Jae realizes there's a whole other level to the nose scrunch.

He's enamored.

Through the rest of dinner, Jae makes it his own personal mission to find out just how many levels there are to the nose scrunch, casting jokes like a fishing line every time there's an opportunity.

In turn, Brian seems to relax more and more as the night goes on, body loosening, face, voice, and hands becoming more expressive.

When Sungjin suggests they go to karaoke, Brian even turns to Jae, eyes alight with excitement, grin so bright it makes Jae excited too.

The waiter stops by, asking how they want their checks split, and without thinking Jae immediately points between himself and Brian.

"Us two together, please."

"Wha-?! No!"

Brian looks at him, incredulous.

"Why not?" Jae asks. "You paid last time."

"But this is not- this- we're not-" Brian stammers, gesturing between them. "... I ordered a lot of food!"

Jae gives him a deadpan look, hoping it's cooler than it feels.

Wonpil snickers.

"Just let him do it, Bri. Us two together also, please," he adds in response to the waiter, who nods and leaves.

"Wait- I- ughh," Brian shouts after the waiter, only to slump in his chair in defeat.

Jae grins, triumphant.

Brian glares at him and Jae's wallet is probably protesting, but it's worth it to see the telltale blush on Brian's cheeks and ears.

After paying (and more fruitless protestation from Brian), the group moves to a nearby karaoke place and quickly orders drinks.

Wonpil orders as though he wants to get smashed, and Sungjin fondly rolls his eyes and says he'll finish whatever Wonpil has left over. Jae gets a lychee-flavored beer, and Brian gets another iced americano, decaf this time.

"Is that your favorite drink or something?" Jae asks.

"Oh, he drinks it _alll_ the time," Wonpil says, already flipping through the song book.

Brian shrugs.

"It's like a comfort food for me."

Sungjin quirks a brow at him, saying, "You should order yourself a beer or something, let loose for once. It's been so long since you've just had fun, Bri."

Brian smiles ruefully. "I think Wonpil's going to have enough fun for all of us combined."

Wonpil whoops into the microphone.

Ten minutes later, they're all crying with laughter as Sungjin croons into the mic, swaying his hips jauntily in time to the trot song playing.

Brian is doubled over, face contorted in what Jae's dubbed a 'Level Three Nose Scrunch' (scale out of five), and Jae watches from the opposite sofa, somewhat jealous, as the man leans heavily on Wonpil's shoulder.

Sungjin wraps up the song with a flourish, twirling with his jacket draped over one shoulder.

Brian whoops, clapping his hands together loudly.

"Wow, amazing as usual!" he praises.

Sungjin wiggles his eyebrows and makes a silly expression.

"Your turn," he says, passing the mic off to Brian.

Brian looks startled.

"No, do another one first," he says, trying to pass the mic back to Sungjin. "I haven't picked what I'm going to sing yet."

Sungjin backs away, hands in the air.

Wonpil, already tipsy, is giggling, "Briannn just singgg~ You have the best voice!!"

Brian looks toward Jae, flustered, but Jae just raises his brows expectantly.

Brian groans, then reaches over to snatch one of Wonpil's drinks, finishes the half-empty glass in a couple of gulps and scrunches his nose as the alcohol goes down.

Sungjin and Wonpil are chanting, "Brian! Brian! Brian!"

Jae grins and takes a sip of his own drink, wondering how Brian will sound, being an ex-idol trainee.

Brian seems to have been thinking about his song selection, as he's now quickly rifling through the pages to a particular section.

He finds what he's looking for, enters the number, and goes to the front, nervously taking a deep breath.

A chord plays and then,

_"It’s not like nobody’s good enough for me"_

Brian starts singing, voice reaching the higher register of Baek A Yeon's 'So-So' with surprising ease and clarity.

_"I just don’t quite feel like it_

_I meet guys once or twice or maybe a few days_

_But the awkwardness is always there"_

Brian's voice swells, climbs the higher notes as smooth as butter.

_"I just don’t get it_

_Why things don’t turn out well_

_What could be the problem"_

Brian seems to relax a bit, allows his face to soften and fit the mood of the song, plays with the tempo a bit.

_"No matter who I meet so so_

_Being alone is just so so_

_Not so exciting but not all that bad"_

Jae is impressed as Brian sings the chorus smoothly, awed by the silky texture of his voice.

_"I’m starting to forget what love is supposed to be like_

_I can’t even remember"_

Something about the way Brian sings pulls at something in Jae, reminds him of himself. Maybe it's the way that Brian's brow furrows just the slightest bit despite the cheery melody, or the way, where Baek A Yeon's version had been breezy and lifted, his sounds wistful.

Jae mulls over this as Brian sings, wonders how many people Brian's been with, how many times his heart's been broken. Wonders who would ever leave someone as amazing as him. Wonders what his and Dowoon's story is.

_"Can’t even remember the last time my heart fluttered_

_I wanna feel for someone too_

_Wanna love somebody"_

Brian's voice tapers off artfully as the song ends with a dreamy chord.

His eyes are closed, but as he opens them to the sound of Wonpil's and Sungjin's cheering, their gazes meet.

Jae's heart thuds into his throat.

Brian looks gorgeous, face lit pink and blue by the glaring lights of the karaoke machine in the dimmed room.

He walks over to Jae and thrusts the mic in his face, giving him an impish grin.

"Your turn."

Jae laughs, covering his surprise with false bravado.

"Get ready to be shown up by yours truly," he says, standing.

Brian smirks, feline eyes dancing with mirth.

"Looking forward to it."

Hours later, after countless songs, they’re all fairly inebriated and laughing their asses off.

Jae is trying not to collapse into a fit of giggles as Brian belts in falsetto along with him to Steelheart’s “She’s Gone.” Wonpil and Sungjin are in a similar state of hilarious distress, rolling around and clutching their stomachs as they wheeze with laughter.

Jae’s voice cracks as he attempts a high note. His eyes widen as he realizes Brian reaches the note effortlessly, face in full scrunch mode.

They finish the song, panting from the effort, cheering when the machine gives them a 100.

“I hate to say it, but I don’t think we can beat that, Pil,” Sungjin jokes to his husband.

Wonpil is crying from laughter but chokes out, “That was the best!”

Jae turns to Brian, feels his heart seize for a moment at Brian’s wholly unguarded, elated expression.

“You have an insane set of pipes, man. I can’t believe you hit that high note,” Jae compliments.

Brian’s grin widens.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Mr. Former-Youtube-Star.”

“Oh?” Jae quirks an eyebrow. “We’re bringing that up now, are we, Mr. Ex-Trainee?”

Brian laughs, brings a warm hand to Jae’s shoulder.

Jae tries to hide how much it affects him.

“Seriously, though, your voice is really nice. It’s a shame you didn’t keep that YouTube channel going,” Brian says.

Their eyes lock for a long second, and Jae wonders if he’s being flirted with.

Then, Brian is moving past him to grab a drink of water and the moment’s over.

They exit the karaoke bar, laughing and talking all the while.

Jae drags his feet and stares at the back of Brian’s head as they go down the stairs, not quite wanting the night to end just yet.

Outside, Wonpil gives the two of them a look and not-so-subtly excuses Sungjin and himself by saying he’s exhausted, though with the way he’d just been loudly cackling at Brian’s joke, it’s a complete lie.

The two of them watch as Sungjin cuddles a drunk Wonpil to his side, guiding him as he stumbles along, giggling all the while.

“They’re sickeningly cute, aren’t they,” Brian says fondly.

“Yeah, I nearly puke every time they interact at the office,” Jae quips. “Imagine having to sit next to them at work for hours at a time.”

Brian chuckles, and runs a hand through his hair in that way that means he’s nervous about something. His cheeks are flushed, but whether that’s from their current situation or the alcohol, Jae doesn’t know.

The two of them are still for a second, gazes turned halfway to the ground.

“… Well, I’ll see you around, Jae,” Brian says, turning with an awkward half wave.

“Uh, wait!” Jae grabs Brian’s hand, then immediately lets go as though he’d reached for something hot.

“Sorry, I- um, that was weird, I didn’t mean to grab you, I was-“

“Jae.”

Brian interrupts him, looking amused. “What are you trying to say?”

Jae grins sheepishly. “Do you wanna get some food?”

They end up at a street food stand not far away.

When Jae asks Brian what he wants, the man shakes his head, stating he’s not hungry. But Jae catches the way his eyes pause momentarily on the tray of steaming tteokbokki.

Jae buys a serving and immediately hands it to Brian.

“For you,” he says simply.

Brian’s eyes widen in that adorably startled manner. “What-“

“I know you said you’re not hungry, but seeing as your appetite rivals even Sungjin’s, there’s no way you don’t have room for even a snack.”

“I can’t take this- you already bought me food earlier, Jae-“

Brian’s trying to hand the food to him, but Jae backs away, hands in the air.

“Think of it as an apology. For trash talking your kid,” Jae offers, half joking.

Brian frowns. “You already apologized, though.”

“Brian, seriously. Eat it before it gets cold!”

The man sticks his tongue out at Jae in defiance before stabbing a rice cake and shoving it in his mouth. He chews ferociously, feigning anger, but Jae can see the way his features soften as he takes in the delicious taste.

It’s endearing as fuck.

“This is really good. Thank you.”

Brian’s avoiding his gaze, and Jae can tell he’s getting embarrassed again, so he leans down and steals the rice cake Brian was about to lift to his mouth.

“Hey!” Brian’s surprised expression shifts to one of mirth as he breaks into laughter at Jae’s silly expression.

“It _is_ really good,” Jae says, looking Brian in the eye.

 _You’re really good_ , is what he means.

“Ah. Hold on-“

Brian reaches a hand up to Jae’s face, and before Jae can react, is wiping the corner of his mouth with a delicate brush of the thumb.

Jae feels heat creep across his face as Brian pulls his hand back, realizing what he’d done.

“I’m sorry-“

“Don’t be.”

Jae isn’t sure what makes him do it (maybe- _probably_ \- the alcohol), but he catches Brian’s hand before he can back away too far and lifts it to his mouth.

In a move of uncharacteristic boldness, Jae licks the sauce off Brian’s thumb.

Brian’s face blooms red as he snatches his hand back.

His mouth moves but no words come out.

Abruptly, Brian spins on his heel and starts walking down the street briskly.

“Wait, Brian!” Jae jogs to catch up.

Brian keeps walking as Jae falls into step beside him, not slowing but not speeding up either.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable-“

“Stop apologizing, Jae Park.” Brian stops suddenly and turns to face him.

The use of his full name catches Jae off guard.

Brian takes a deep breath.

“Look. You confuse me, Jae.”

Brian stares him in the eye.

“I don’t know how to- how to feel around you. I’ve never met someone like you, and to be honest, I’m fucking scared. I’m scared of how much you’re making me feel in such a short time, and… I don’t want to be a plaything. I’m not here to screw around, so if this- if all this flirting and touching and stuff is just fucking around for you, then please, just stop.”

Brian’s eyes are pinning him down, flashing with raw emotion, and Jae swallows thickly.

“Listen, Brian… I- I…”

Jae stutters for a moment before taking a deep breath to gather himself.

“I’ve never been more serious in my life. I meant what I said before. You make me go crazy... There’s literally not one moment when I’m not thinking about you, it’s kinda scary. Wonpil says I’m freaking obsessed with you, and he’s honestly not wrong. You’re literally perfect- everything about you- your humor, your confidence, your voice- _fuck, the way you can eat three bowls of noodles in one sitting_ \- I mean, I’m attracted to everything about you.”

Brian’s brows furrow and he opens his mouth. “Even-“

Jae interrupts, knowing what he’s about to say. “Dowoon’s separate. I haven’t met him yet so I can’t say anything about him. But with you- I swear I’m not usually like this, Brian. With you, I feel like I’ve found everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. I feel like…” Jae pauses and swallows thickly, heart pounding.

“I feel like I could fall in love with you,” he finishes.

Brian doesn’t answer, biting his bottom lip.

He seems like he’s wavering, and Jae wants to make sure his intentions are clear.

“I want to try,” Jae says, taking a step closer. “We can take it as slow as you want, but I want to try. With you and Dowoon.”

Brian again opens his mouth, but no sound comes out.

“Please say yes,” Jae whispers.

Brian presses his lips together tightly.

Jae braces himself for the obvious rejection that’s writing itself all over Brian’s face.

But instead, Brian nods.

“Okay, let’s try,” Brian whispers, voice cracking a bit with emotion.

Jae grins, elated.

Unable to contain his excitement, he whoops and twirls around in a silly dance.

Brian snorts and the tension breaks.

“Dork.”

“Hey. I’ll have you know this dork just scored himself a hot date,” Jae retorts.

Brian rolls his eyes and looks away, but Jae can tell even under the dim streetlights that he’s blushing.

“Come on, I’ll walk you to the subway,” he offers.

Brian looks at him suspiciously, and Jae thinks he might reject the offer, but instead Brian nods and says simply, “Thanks.”

On the way to the station, Jae’s heart jumps into his throat every time their hands accidentally brush together.

Eventually, evidently tired of Jae’s cowardice, Brian huffs and catches his hand, interlacing their fingers.

His hand is soft, the palm broad but the fingers short and slender, barely wrapping around Jae’s larger hand.

Stunned at the bold move, Jae stares at Brian, enjoying the way the man resolutely glares forward even with the color on his cheeks.

Later that night, as Jae lies in bed, he can’t stop staring at his palm, recalling the warm feeling of Brian’s smaller one in it.


	3. We Got a Lot to Learn

“I can’t believe I fucking forgot to ask for his number,” Jae groans for the umpteenth time in an hour.

“Yes, Jae, we all know you’re an idiot, so can you shut up and actually get some work done for once?” Sungjin says drily from his cubicle.

“Sungjinnie, don’t bully him, it’s not his fault he’s an idiot,” Wonpil pipes up.

“It kind of is,” Jae moans, burying his face in his arms. “Pil, please just give me his number?”

“No,” Wonpil shoots him down.

“Sungjin?” Jae lifts his head hopefully. “For your hyung?”

Sungjin snorts.

“No.”

Jae groans in despair and buries his face again.

“But I’ll ask Bri if he’s up for movie night again on Friday,” offers Wonpil, obviously taking pity on his miserable friend.

Jae’s head pops up. “Pil, I swear you’re the absolute best. I love you!”

“Hey, no flirting with my husband,” Sungjin cuts in. “He is the best, though.”

“Awww,” Wonpil coos.

Jae suffers through another five hours of flirting between his two colleagues, but at least he has Brian to daydream about.

To Jae’s delight, he ends up meeting Brian much earlier than expected.

It’s Tuesday and he’s at the grocery store near his house, having run out of coffee and several other necessities.

He’s just grabbed his favorite brand of dark roast coffee and placed it in his basket when he hears a very familiar voice say-

“Dowoonie, you know what sugar does to your teeth, don’t you? It rots them.”

Jae grins.

 _Well, would you look at that_.

He rounds the corner and finds Brian in a baby blue hoodie, ripped black jeans, and converse. His hair isn’t styled, and in place of his usual dangly earrings are simple silver hoops.

At his feet stands a kid, one chubby hand clutching the fabric of his dad’s jeans, the other at his chin as he stares seriously at the myriad of cereal boxes in front of them.

The boy’s expression makes him seem like a grandpa stuck in a child’s body, and Jae already thinks he’s fucking adorable. (Not that he’s biased in any way).

“-and if your teeth rot, you won’t have any teeth left, and then you won’t be able to eat your favorite fried chicken, right?” Brian continues as Dowoon stares hard at the cereal.

“C’mon, you’re gonna scare the kid,” Jae jokes, making his presence known.

Brian’s head whips around to look at him.

“Wha- Jae?”

Jae’s got no fucking clue what he’s doing but he’s going with his gut, so he ignores the man and instead drops into a squat in front of Dowoon, who’s now half-hiding behind his father’s legs.

“Hi, you’re Dowoon, right? I’m Jae, your appa’s friend.”

Jae tries to smile as warmly as he can and sticks his hand out, offering it to the shy boy.

He’s nervous as all hell and has no idea if this is what he’s supposed to do, but there’s no backing out now.

Brian chuckles when Dowoon doesn’t make a move and gently pushes the boy in front of Jae. “Dowoonie, don’t be rude. Say hi.”

Dowoon blinks innocent eyes at him before they widen almost comically.

“Are you- are you Chicken Little?”

Jae slowly lowers his hand and feels sweat rolls down his back. He’s not sure what he was expecting, but this was not it. “Am I what now?”

A snort comes from above and Jae looks up to find Brian stifling a laugh in his hand.

“Care to explain?” he asks with a quirk of his brow.

To both their surprises, Dowoon answers first.

“Appa and I watched a movie called Chicken Little, and Appa said he knows someone who looks like Chicken Little, so it's you, right?”

“I- I guess so…“ Jae says, not sure he’s following the logic. But Brian has yet to say anything in contradiction.

“Cool!” Dowoon beams up at him suddenly, as though a switch has been flipped, and all of a sudden, Jae’s got a _kid_ clinging to his arm. “Appa says you’re very nice and he likes you a lot!”

Brian makes a choked noise from above and Jae feels a sly grin take over his face.

“He did?”

“Yes! So help me tell him I want the Frosted Flakes even though he says it’ll rot my teeth!”

Jae bursts out laughing at that, and when he looks up at Brian, Brian’s got a warm smile on his face.

“Don’t you think such a smart kid deserves some Frosted Flakes?” he asks Brian with a grin.

Dowoon excitedly tugs on Jae’s arm and throws big, puppy-dog-like eyes at his dad. To Jae’s surprise, his own heart melts a little at the cuteness of the expression.

Brian pretends to ponder for a moment, but Jae can tell he knows he’s already lost.

“You can get the Frosted Flakes,” he concedes.

Jae and Dowoon cheer and hi-five.

“-but only if you get a box of this too,” he says, reaching over to grab a box of Quaker Oats cereal.

Dowoon pouts momentarily, but grins again as Jae hands him the box of Frosted Flakes to put in their basket. “Thanks, Mr. Chicken Little!”

Jae chuckles and ruffles Dowoon’s hair playfully. “No problem, kiddo.”

He stands and catches Brian watching him with a thoughtful expression.

“What?” he asks, nervous that he did something wrong.

Brian shakes his head and takes Dowoon’s hand. “Nothing, you’re just… better with kids than I thought,” he says with a small smile.

Jae feels hope bloom in his chest.

“I guess it helps when the kid’s dad likens you to a cartoon character,” Jae quips.

Brian laughs at that. “I’m sorry, but he probably won’t call you anything but Mr. Chicken Little for a while.”

 _A while_.

Jae finds that he quite likes the sound of that.

“I don’t mind at all.”

Dowoon looks up at them and declares, “You’re too tall! Appa, I want up!”

The boy lifts his arms up to be carried, and Brian looks confused as he considers how to carry both the shopping basket and his kid.

“Here, I’ll take this,” Jae offers, reaching for the basket.

Brian protests, of course, but Jae’s starting to figure out the best way to get around his stubbornness is to just keep going, so he takes it and says cheekily, “Dowoon’s waiting, Brian.”

Brian gives him a shy smile and hoists Dowoon into his arms, settling the boy into the crook of his elbow with a practiced motion. Fondly, he brushes a lock of hair behind Dowoon’s ear and presses a soft kiss onto his forehead.

Dowoon beams. “That’s better,” he declares.

Jae’s heart can’t take the overload of cuteness occurring not two feet in front of him and he feels a little lightheaded with the realization that this could be _his._

Leather jacket Brian was one thing. Excited, laughing karaoke Brian was a whole _other_ thing. But this- _this_ Brian, with a child in his arms and a small, content smile on his face… Jae feels a surge of wonder rise in his chest as he realizes he would do anything to keep these two people in front of him safe and happy.

They finish their grocery shopping together, Dowoon pointing at things he wants and arguing with his father over what’s healthy or not. (Jae may or may not help Dowoon sneak a bag of gummy worms into his own basket and shiftily hide it in one of Brian’s grocery bags after checkout. He hopes he won’t get in too much trouble with Brian later, but hey, being on Dowoon’s good side is a definite plus). 

The sheer domesticity of it all doesn’t escape Jae, and he’s astounded to find himself suddenly thinking about a future as a family of three.

Jae actually remembers to ask for Brian’s number this time, and to Jae’s surprise, Brian hardly pauses before agreeing, almost as though he’d been waiting to be asked.

Jae decides not to do the whole ‘wait till the other person texts first’ thing and, after watching the pair walk off in the opposite direction, shoots off a quick message.

_Jae: Hey, this is Jae! Dowoon’s a real cutie :)_

He prepares himself to not hear back for a while, seeing as Brian’s busy with Dowoon, but Brian texts back not ten minutes later.

_Brian: Thanks! I’m surprised he opened up to you so quickly, he’s usually very shy._

Jae grins at that, surprised and pleased.

_Jae: I’ve never been so happy to look like a chicken._

Brian sends him a laughing emoji, and Jae wishes he were with him in person to see his face brighten.

_Brian: So…_

Jae feels his pulse quicken.

_Brian: Do you still hate kids?_

Jae can’t tell if Brian’s joking or not, but he knows that how he answers now is important.

_Jae: Jury’s still out on every other kid, but Dowoon is literally the most precious thing ever._

_Jae: Like, ever._

_Jae: If anyone hurt him, I’d probably murder them._

Jae bites his lip before hitting send, hoping it’s an acceptable response and doesn’t make him seem too crazy. Even though it’s true. Despite Jae’s previous reservations about kids and the fact he’d known Dowoon for less than an hour, if anyone were to ever hurt Dowoon (or Brian, for that matter), Jae would go apeshit.

Brian doesn’t respond for a while and Jae starts worrying.

He’s about to SOS Wonpil for help when his phone buzzes with a text.

_Brian: Oof. If Dowoon finds out his favorite cartoon character is capable of murder, it might scar him_

Jae laughs in relief. Brian seems to have accepted his answer.

He’s about to reply when his phone buzzes again.

_Brian: Considering Mr. Chicken Little’s already snuck him some illicit gummy worms, I’m starting to wonder if he’s such a good influence after all…_

Jae’s grin widens. He’s been caught.

_Jae: I’ll take full responsibility_

_Brian: How so?_

_Jae: How about I take you for coffee sometime?_

_Brian: Hmm… No._

Jae’s heart drops.

_Brian: I’ll take you to coffee instead._

Jae smiles and shakes his head. This man really knows how to play him.

 _Jae:_ _How is that taking responsibility?_

_Brian: Since you seem to enjoy buying me and my son food, this time YOU have to be treated_

_Brian:_ _Take it or leave it._

Jae’s sure at this point he’s grinning like a veritable fool at his phone, but he can’t bring it in himself to care.

 _Jae:_ _Deal._

They end up making plans to grab coffee over the weekend, which means Jae has both movie night _and_ a coffee date to look forward to. He couldn’t be more stoked.

Friday doesn’t come soon enough for Jae.

Life is so much better now that he can actually talk to Brian in the long few days when they’re unable to see each other.

He finds himself checking his phone every chance he gets, becoming antsy when there’s no response for a while, and grinning uncontrollably when Brian texts back. He tries to imagine Brian’s reactions to what he sends, even hears the responses in Brian’s voice.

He also tries not to text Brian _too_ much… but, well, it’s impossible not to when he so badly wants to see him again. And Brian hasn’t told him to stop…

Jae sighs morosely at the clock hanging on the opposite wall. Three more hours till he can book it out of here, and then another two till he can see Brian again…

“Oh my god, Pil, if he sighs and checks his phone _one more time_ in the next minute, I swear I’m going to strangle him,” Sungjin declares from his left.

“Aw, c’mon, Sungjinnie, he’s lovesick,” Wonpil says, defending Jae.

“I am not lovesick,” Jae retorts. “I’ve met him, like, three times. Four, if you count the grocery thing.”

“Okay, sure,” Wonpil acquiesces. “So, you’re crushing. Badly.”

Jae can’t even deny that, so he just sighs and unlocks his phone again. Brian still hasn’t responded to the cute cat picture he sent twenty minutes ago.

“Why isn’t he responding?” Jae whines.

“Maybe because he’s working? Like normal people during normal work hours at normal workplaces do?” Sungjin suggests, rifling through a binder of cost estimates.

“Why does he have to work? Working is dumb,” Jae states, leaning his chin heavily on a palm and clicking morosely at his desktop.

Jae normally loves his job as a business consultant, but on a Friday when he’s soon to see _Brian_ , writing up a client report doesn’t seem as important.

Sungjin snorts. “Because, like all _real_ adults, he has responsibilities. And it just so happens Brian has a responsibility in the form of a four-year old child named Dowoon, whom he has to make money for in order to feed him and keep him happy.”

Jae ignores the jab at his maturity and instead chooses to focus on what he wants to think about- namely, Brian.

“What is the story behind Dowoon, anyway?” Jae asks.

Jae’s been curious ever since the disastrous ending of their first date but hasn’t yet found a good time to broach the subject with the man himself.

Sungjin and Wonpil exchange a glance over their cubicle dividers.

“You should probably ask him yourself,” Wonpil suggests. “We don’t know much ourselves, to be honest. Just that Dowoon’s mom left them when Dowoon was really young.”

Jae lets the information sink in.

“Who’d be stupid enough to leave _them_?” he blurts.

His friends exchange another glance, this time amused.

“On second thought, lovesick _is_ the right word,” Wonpil says.

That night, Jae can’t help himself from dressing up a bit, even though he knows it’s just going to be the four of them in the dark eating popcorn from a plastic bowl.

He decides on a loose-fitting, light pink button-up paired with black skinny jeans and styles his blond hair back from his face. For a finishing touch, he sprays a bit of his favorite cologne on his wrists and rubs the excess on his neck.

Giving himself a final once-over, he nods and grins nervously at his reflection before heading out.

When he rings the doorbell to his friends’ house, this time it’s Sungjin who opens the door.

“Oh-ho~” Sungjin says in a teasing voice, raising his eyebrows suggestively. “Someone dressed up tonight. I bet you’re wearing that weird-ass cologne that smells like my deodorant, aren’t you?”

Jae laughs good-naturedly and shoves his way inside. “Fuck off, dude.”

“Yep. Woohoo~ I smell it!” Sungjin laughs, waving his arms exaggeratedly to dispel the scent.

“What? Jae’s weird cologne?” Wonpil pipes up, popping his head out of the bathroom.

“Guys!” Jae whines, hoping Brian’s not here yet.

To his embarrassment, Brian’s curled up cat-like on one side of the couch, munching on a cookie. He’s scrolling through the movie selection on screen but looks up when Jae enters the room.

Jae can tell from his shit-eating grin that he’s been following along with the conversation.

“Come here,” Brian says, before popping the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

“W-what?” Jae asks dumbly, even as his feet bring him to Brian’s side.

Brian catches his wrist and pulls him even closer, till Jae’s wrist is right up against his nose.

The whole time, he looks directly into Jae’s eyes, feline gaze twinkling with mirth.

Then the moment’s over as he drops Jae’s wrist and leans back into the couch.

“It’s certainly… interesting,” he says, wrinkling his nose.

Wonpil and Sungjin howl with laughter.

Jae throws his hands up in mock despair.

“I’m kidding,” Brian says, chuckling. “It’s actually not that bad.”

Then he picks up another cookie off the tray in front of him and goes back to clicking through movies as though he hadn’t just casually smelled Jae like it was nothing.

Jae stares dumbly, admiring the man’s strong jawline softened by the brightness of his yellow hoodie. His brown hair isn’t styled today, and falls, fluffy, across his forehead. He looks cozy, curled up with socked feet tucked neatly under him.

“Stop staring,” Brian murmurs, ears pink.

Jae coughs and turns to face the TV, plops down on the couch rather violently to mask his own embarrassment.

Why does being around Brian turn him into such an idiot?

“Scooch.” Wonpil’s suddenly beside him, hands full with popcorn and drinks, nudging him with a socked foot toward Brian.

“Uhh-“ Jae stalls.

“ _Scooch,_ ” insists Wonpil with a pointed look.

“Fine, fine!” Jae moves his butt two feet to the right, placing him dangerously close to the object of his emotional distress, who’s still comfortably lounging against the armrest. Jae accidentally brushes against Brian’s foot and immediately pulls back with a muttered “Sorry.”

Brian just gives him an amused side glance before asking everyone, “Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children?”

Everyone gives some form of nod or thumbs-up, so Brian presses play, and they all sit back to watch.

It’s not been five minutes into the movie when Brian decides to readjust, sitting up to rearrange his legs into a crisscross on the couch, placing his thigh directly on top of Jae’s.

Jae stiffens.

Brian’s thigh is warm.

And… and Brian’s legs are nice, okay? Jae’s definitely guilty of checking out those curvy thighs once or twice or maybe all the time and Jae cannot believe those _thighs_ are in contact with his own gangly, awkward ones right now.

Is Brian even aware of how much of a crisis he’s put Jae in?

Evidently not, given the way he leans forward to grab the popcorn bowl off the coffee table, ensuring that his leg _presses even more into Jae’s_.

Jae twitches.

Brian leans back after acquiring the popcorn and silently offers some to him.

Jae shakes his head and tries to focus on the movie, only freaking himself out more to see the image of some creepy, black-legged monster on the screen.

He hears a soft snort from beside him and raises an eyebrow at Brian.

Brian leans in to whisper in his ear, “You look scared, Chicken Little.”

This close, Jae gets a nose full of Brian’s scent- his shampoo or detergent- it’s light and citrusy, sweet but not overly so. Jae wants Brian to keep coming closer.

“I’m terrified,” he whispers back.

Brian’s laughs softly and rearranges his legs once more, tucking them both to the right so his body leans into Jae’s space- into Jae’s _side_ \- and suddenly it’s not just Jae’s thigh that’s warm but his whole body.

“Better?” Brian asks lowly.

Not trusting his voice, Jae nods, swallowing thickly.

Brian smirks and returns his attention to the screen.

Twenty minutes later, Jae finds himself clutching Brian’s hand as creepy children appear one by one all around the protagonist. Brian’s running a soothing thumb over the back of his hand. The press of his side into Jae’s is warm and pleasant, and almost enough to make Jae forget about the creepy figures on the screen.

That said, Jae is a complete baby when it comes to scary movies.

He jumps at the shrill sound of a ringtone breaking the otherwise silent atmosphere.

A screen lights up the dark on the table in front of them, and Jae recognizes Dowoon’s face as the lock screen. The caller ID is just small enough that Jae can’t make it out.

“Ah, sorry, guys. Gotta take this,” Brian whispers, quickly disentangling himself from Jae.

Jae mourns the loss immediately, wanting to bring Brian’s warmth back to his side.

Brian snatches his phone off the table and heads to the kitchen, bowing low to the ground to stay out of the way of the TV as he answers with a low, “Hey, Junhyeok, what’s up?”

_Junhyeok?_

Jae feels a flash of jealousy spike through him, surprising in its intensity and abruptness.

“His babysitter,” Wonpil explains.

Jae looks at Wonpil’s knowing expression and realizes he’d been frowning.

“Ah.” Jae smiles sheepishly.

Brian comes back then, brow furrowed.

Sungjin pauses the movie and asks, “Everything okay?”

Brian goes to pull on his shoes, looking apologetic. “Sorry, guys, but looks like Dowoon’s sick. Junhyeok said he didn’t want to eat and feels feverish. He seemed kinda weird earlier, but I thought he might just be tired, and I’m really sorry-“

“Just go, Bri. Don’t worry about us,” Wonpil reassures.

Brian shoots him a grateful look before his eyes land on Jae. His features take on a guilty expression once more. “Sorry, Jae, we might have to rain check tomorrow, depending on how he is. I’ll text you.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Jae waves it off emphatically. “Dowoon comes first, for sure. Let me know how he’s doing.”

“Thanks, I will.” Brian gives him a brief smile before waving and quickly heading out the door.

It shuts and then Wonpil’s on him in a blink.

“Sooo~” he singsongs in Jae’s face.

Jae groans, knowing what’s about to ensue.

“What’s this about tomorrow? A secret date? Also, don’t think I didn’t see you two full-on cuddling right there on _my_ couch.”

Jae buries his face in a pillow and tries not to be too sad it isn’t Brian.

Brian texts later that night, when Jae’s already curled up in bed, ready to sleep and internet surfing on his phone.

Dowoon’s got the flu, and tomorrow’s probably not happening.

Jae’s disappointed, for sure, but more than that he’s concerned about Dowoon and doesn’t want Brian feeling guiltier than he already is, so he tells Brian not to worry and that they can always get coffee another time.

Brian sends him an animated sticker of a cat bowing and throwing hearts, and Jae smiles before finally putting his phone away to go to sleep.

Over the next few days, Brian texts him periodically about Dowoon’s condition, and Jae’s happy to find out the kid’s getting better quickly.

On Monday, Brian tells him Dowoon’s all better and going back to preschool the next day, asking Jae if he wants to get coffee on Saturday.

Jae decides he doesn’t want to wait so long and responds, “How about dinner on Wednesday instead? I’d love to see you sooner.”

Biting his lip, he wonders if it’s too forward, then decides that all their mutual flirting hasn’t been for nothing.

But as the hours pass with no response from Brian, Jae’s worry starts to build.

Maybe he’s finally scared Brian off? Maybe Brian doesn’t want to see _Jae_ again so soon. Or wait- dinner on a Wednesday? Is Jae _stupid_? Brian probably has to take care of Dowoon, or maybe his babysitter doesn’t do weekdays, or maybe-

“Jae, what are you worrying about? Did you accidentally write up the wrong report again?” Sungjin asks, noticing his friend staring off into space with an expression of despair. Wonpil’s off in a meeting, so the two of them are currently alone.

“Does Brian ever ask his babysitter to work weekdays?” Jae asks, gnawing on the tip of a pen.

Sungjin pauses at the random question. “Well, yeah. Sometimes he has to work overtime. Why?”

“Oh.”

So Brian really just doesn’t want to see him again so soon.

“N-nothing…” Jae trails off.

“Mhm…” Sungjin looks at him skeptically.

_… Fuck it._

Jae decides he’d rather get it off his chest.

Wonpil’s not here to tease him anyways.

“Is it too forward to tell someone you’d love to see them sooner when they’re trying to reschedule a date with you and told you Saturday but you really want to see them, like, _now_ so you asked about Wednesday?”

Sungjin grins as he starts to grasp the situation behind Jae’s not-so-subtle question.

“No, I don’t think so,” Sungjin offers.

Jae sighs.

“Then why isn’t he responding? Maybe he’s not interested anymore?” Jae doesn’t want to consider that possibility, but-

“That’s definitely not it,” Sungjin says, sounding confident.

“How do you _know_?”

Sungjin levels him with a look. “Trust me, I know. I’ve known Brian a long time, and he’s not the type to play around with someone’s feelings like that. He’s probably just busy taking care of Dowoon or catching up with work.”

Jae nods, Sungjin’s logic makes sense. He’s worrying for nothing.

“Thanks, man.”

Sungjin gives him a reassuring smile and Jae sets his mind back to work.

Except tomorrow comes and Brian _still_ hasn’t responded to his text.

Jae’s ready for work and waiting for his coffee mug to fill before leaving, staring at his phone. He’s decided he can’t take the suspense any longer and is about to text Brian some form of ‘just kidding, Saturday’s fine’ when he gets an incoming call.

It’s Brian.

Jae scrambles to answer and holds his phone up to his ear, squeaking out, “H-hey Brian, what’s up?”

A long pause.

Jae checks the caller ID again to make sure it is, indeed, Brian, before asking, “Hello? Brian? Can you hear me?”

There’s a sniffle on the other end, and Jae becomes worried.

“M-Mr. Chicken L-little?” comes a small voice over the phone.

It’s Dowoon.

Jae smiles.

“Dowoon, hi! I was expecting your appa. Is everything okay?”

Jae becomes concerned as the sound of Dowoon crying becomes evident over the phone.

“A-appa won’t w-wake up… I-it’s my f-fault…”

Jae feels fear rise in his chest but tries to focus on calming Dowoon down instead.

“Dowoonie, take a deep breath, okay? Everything will be okay. Your appa will be fine. Can you tell me what happened?”

“Appa got my sick… We were watching Paw-troll… He took a nap a-and now he w-won’t wake up-“ Dowoon starts crying again, and Jae shushes him, trying his best to calm the child down over the phone.

From what Jae can tell, it sounds like in the process of nursing Dowoon back to health, Brian got sick himself.

“Dowoonie, do you know your address? I’ll come over and help your appa get better, okay?”

Jae worries that he’s taking advantage of the situation to find out where Brian lives, but he reasons it’s more important to make sure the man’s okay.

Dowoon sniffles but tells him, “Appa put it on the fridge for emer- emerjee-“

“Emergencies, right? Can you go take a look for me, Dowoonie?” Jae asks, using the nickname to try and calm the boy down, trying to keep any nervousness out of his voice.

“Mhm. Appa, wait here, okay?” Dowoon says quietly, and Jae can’t help but smile at the boy’s sweetness.

There’s a silence as Jae waits for him to find it.

In the meantime, Jae shoots off a text to his boss, saying he won’t be able to go in for work due to a personal emergency, and gathers any cold medicines, fever patches, and remedies he can think of that he has.

“I got it,” Dowoon says suddenly.

Jae tells him to read it off and jots it down. Turns out it’s not too far from the grocery store, just a fifteen-minute walk away from his place. He tells Dowoon to stay on the line as he walks over and to not open the door for anyone until Jae tells him.

As he walks over as quickly as his legs will allow, he tells Dowoon to hug his appa to make him better and rambles about whatever comes to mind- like how when he was young, Jae had really bad allergies and kids made fun of him but then he got better, and how he likes how Brian smells because it reminds him of his hometown back in Los Angeles where there are beaches and the ocean, and how his parents have a small white dog named Jaedongie- and before he knows it Jae’s made it to Brian’s apartment in under ten minutes.

Jae finds out what floor they’re on and then he’s outside the door.

Number 19.

Jae takes a deep breath, biting back nerves and telling himself it’s not the time for hesitation.

Brian needs him.

“Dowoonie, I’m outside your door right now. You can open it.”

“O-okay.”

There’s a slight pause, then the door’s opening and Dowoon’s throwing himself at Jae’s legs.

Jae freezes for a second, not used to having children latching onto him for comfort.

Awkwardly, he leans down to rub Dowoon’s back.

“It’ll all be okay, Woonie, don’t worry. You did a great job. Can you take me to see your appa now?”

Dowoon nods against his leg and grasps his fingers with tiny hands to pull him into the apartment.

The apartment is simple and small, but in a cozy way.

The small foyer has a shoe rack, filled with Brian’s converse and work shoes, and several tiny pairs of Dowoon-sized sneakers. The living room is simple- just a couch, coffee table, TV, and bookshelf that holds pictures, books, and toys.

Brian’s curled up on the couch, passed out and sweaty. His cheeks, forehead, and neck are heavily flushed, and Jae’s immediately concerned about fever.

Dowoon hugs his legs tightly and Jae can practically feel the worry radiating off the boy.

He has a sudden idea.

Digging in his bag of hastily gathered medicinal supplies, he procures a hand towel and asks the boy, “Dowoonie, can you reach the sink?”

The boy nods, eyes wide. “I have a stool now,” he says proudly.

“Great. How about you do me a favor and run this under cold water, okay?”

Dowoon nods eagerly and takes the towel, running off in the direction of the bathroom.

“Make sure it’s as cold as possible!” Jae says, hoping the task will keep the boy busy for at least a few minutes.

He turns back to Brian and frowns in concern. How long has he been like this? Why didn’t he ask for help? Even if it hadn’t been Jae, he could’ve said something to Wonpil and Sungjin…

Jae leans in close to Brian and shakes his shoulder gently, trying to see if he’ll wake.

“Hey, Brian, it’s Jae. How are you doing?”

Brian stirs awake briefly, brow furrowing and moaning softly. His eyes flit open barely, but he drifts away again quickly.

_Crap._

Jae needs to at least get him conscious enough to take some meds or drink some water, but there’s no way he can do it like this.

Jae looks around the small living room and sees the entrance to the kitchen. Moving quickly into the adjacent room, he snatches a mug off the drying rack to the right of the sink and fills it with tap water. Returning to Brian’s side, he rips open a tablet of flu medicine and leaves both the glass and meds ready on the table.

_Here comes the hard part._

Jae grimaces, not wanting to move Brian but knowing it’s the easiest way.

He pulls Brian into an awkward sideways hug- frowning at the excessive amount of heat Brian’s limp body radiates- and maneuvers him so he’s propped up against the armrest.

“Brian, I’m sitting you up, okay? You need to take some medicine, or your fever won’t go down. You’ll feel much better soon, yeah?”

Brian flits in and out of consciousness, frowning at whatever pain he’s in as his head lolls forward.

“Brian. Hey, Bri, I need you to focus okay? Dowoonie needs you,” Jae asks softly, brushing back sweaty strands of hair from his burning forehead.

At Dowoon’s name, Brian lifts his head weakly and opens his mouth. “Woonie?”

Jae winces. His voice sounds awful, scratchy and jarring like metal on asphalt.

_How’d it get so bad in just a couple days?_

“Shh, yes, Dowoonie’s okay. But he needs you to drink some water now, sound good?” Jae says, lifting the glass of water to Brian’s lips.

Brian sips obediently, grimacing as it goes down his sore throat.

“Great, good... Bri, I’m going to give you some medicine now, okay? Then you can go back to sleep.”

Jae lifts the tablet to Brian’s lips and smiles in relief as Brian accepts it, swallowing with difficulty.

He has Brian take a couple more sips of water and then clumsily helps him shift back down into a more comfortable position.

Brian falls back asleep within seconds.

Jae heaves a sigh of relief.

In the meantime, Dowoon has come back from the bathroom and is watching Jae help his father. The towel is dripping onto the floor and Jae realizes he forgot to tell him to wring it out.

Jae grins and takes the sopping towel from the child.

“Woonie, good job! Can you help me again? I need you to get your appa some blankets,” Jae says.

Dowoon nods vigorously and runs down the hall again.

Jae wrings out the towel in the kitchen sink and then, returning to Brian, starts gently patting at his forehead, cheeks, and neck.

Even in his current state of unconsciousness, Brian’s expression seems to relax a bit, finding relief in the cool touch. 

Jae smiles and feels the tension in his shoulders ease.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he murmurs, even though he knows Brian can’t hear him.

The towel warms quickly, and Jae makes a few runs back and forth to the kitchen to cool it down, when he realizes Dowoon’s been missing for a while.

Worried, Jae immediately sets off down the hall to look for the kid.

“Woonie?” he calls.

He’s wondering if it’s okay to just start opening random doors in Brian’s apartment when a massive pile of blankets comes sliding out of a door to the right. Dowoon’s tiny head pokes out from behind the mountain and Jae grins.

“Is this enough?” Dowoon asks, tilting his tiny head to the side.

Jae thinks it’s the sweetest thing ever.

_Maybe kids aren’t so bad after all._

“Hmm… your appa might think it’s too heavy but tell you what. After I’m done taking care of your appa, do you wanna make a pillow fort?” Jae asks, grinning.

Dowoon’s eyes light up.

Jae lets Dowoon gently tuck his father under a couple of the plusher blankets, then puts a hand to Brian’s forehead to check his temperature.

He’s still hot to the touch, but after the cold towel treatment and the meds, his flush isn’t as pronounced, and he seems to be breathing easier. Jae deems it safe to leave him untended for a bit.

In any case, sitting and staring at him won’t make him get better any faster, and it’d only worry Dowoon.

The two of them venture to Dowoon’s room with the rest of the covers (Jae hauling them in his arms and letting Dowoon hold any corners that trail to the floor).

“So… how should we do this?” Jae asks as he plops the blankets onto the small bed.

Dowoon shrugs his tiny shoulders awkwardly.

His face is serious and expressionless.

_Maybe a pillow fort was a horrible idea…_

Jae is reminded that he knows jack shit about dealing with kids.

“Um- well, how about we start like this?” Jae starts tying one end of a blanket to the bedpost.

Dowoon’s face morphs drastically, becoming excited as he shouts, “Yeah!” and grabs the other end of the blanket to tie around the other bedpost.

Realizing the prior blank expression was merely Dowoon’s thinking face, Jae wonders if maybe he can deal with this after all.

“So, Dowoon, what do you like to do?” Jae asks as they fall into a rhythm- Dowoon holding up blankets for Jae to tie haphazardly around things.

The serious face is back.

Jae knows to wait this time.

“I like- I like music. And drum. I like drum,” Dowoon says very solemnly.

“Do you play the drums?” Jae asks.

Dowoon’s face lights up.

He ducks under the beginnings of their fort to run around to the other side of the bed and retrieves something.

When he returns, Jae sees he’s got drumsticks and a thick, electronic pad of sorts, with colored circles and triangles printed symmetrically on the surface.

Dowoon sets it on the ground and starts hitting some of the circles, and Jae’s amazed when drum sounds play out from where he hits.

He seems to be hitting different circles at random and at no particular tempo, but even so it doesn’t sound half bad, and Jae’s impressed at the four-year old’s skill.

He tells Dowoon as much and Dowoon’s eyes go wide.

“Do you… do you think I could be in a band, Mr. Chicken Little?”

“I don’t see why not,” Jae responds.

Dowoon grins up at him, then, and offers a drumstick to Jae.

“Wanna play?”

They play with Dowoon’s drum set for a bit, giggling over all the funny sounds it makes, and then decide to get back to transforming Dowoon’s room.

Creating and decorating the fort takes the better part of an hour, and by the time they’re satisfied, Dowoon seems to have used up all the energy in his tiny body.

The boy yawns and lies back against the comfy pillows and comforters spread out on the floor. The baby blue sheet tied precariously to the bed frame and over their heads blocks out most of the sunlight, and Jae watches as Dowoon cuddles a dog plush close to his chest.

Jae moves to get up to check on Brian, but Dowoon catches his sleeve and turns big, baleful eyes on him.

“Will you stay, Mr. Chicken Little?”

_Well, fuck._

It’s not like Jae can say no to that face.

Brian’s probably still sleeping anyways and not due to take medicine for another few hours, so Jae gives Dowoon a smile and settles back down, curling protectively around the young boy.

“How about I sing you a song?”


	4. Fall to the Earth

When Brian wakes, his head is pounding and his mouth is dry and cottony, lips chapped. He feels as though he has a hangover, with the added displeasure of achy muscles, chills, and a sore throat. He swallows thickly, wincing at the pain, and sits up to find some water.

Head swimming, he spots a glass of water on the coffee table and gratefully downs it. As he sets it down, he notices packets of flu medicine, as well as a whole bag of other medicinal items he’s sure he doesn’t own.

Dowoon must’ve called Sungjin and Wonpil like he’d asked, then.

Brian wonders where they are; the pair can’t ever keep quiet for long.

_Did they take Dowoon out?_

Frowning, Brian hauls himself up from the couch, halting unsteadily as his vision swims. He shuffles his way down the hall and stops in the open door of Dowoon’s room.

Blinking a couple times, it takes him a second to register that what he’s looking at is a fort… of sorts.

Blankets strewn about every which way and hanging off every possible surface. At the center of it all, a small opening where Brian spots long, gangly legs sticking out as well as the tiny limbs he knows belong to his son.

Brian squints at the legs.

_Sungjin and Wonpil aren’t that tall…?_

Moving closer, Brian peers into the fort to find Dowoon asleep on top of… _Jae_.

Jae’s wearing business slacks, a grey dress shirt, and black tie. His dirty blond hair is messily splayed every which way, falling across his forehead, and his glasses are skewed on his handsome face. Brian’s hazy mind ties itself in knots thinking about how Jae could be here if it’s a weekday, and why it’s Jae and not his friends, and why does Jae look so good in business clothes...

Dowoon’s lying halfway atop the man’s chest and Jae’s got a protective arm curled around the boy.

The boy’s favorite dog plushie is cuddled between the two.

Brian feels something in his chest twist painfully, and he backs out of Dowoon’s room quickly before he can make a sound, leaning against the hallway wall to take a few deep breaths.

Blaming the sudden moisture in his eyes on his illness, Brian blinks it away and determinedly heads to the kitchen to distract himself.

Something clatters to the floor loudly and Jae wakes with a start.

Confused, he rubs the sleep from his eyes and starts sitting up before realizing he has a whole child cuddled up against him.

Asleep, Dowoon’s serious face is relaxed and dreamy, cheeks chubby and squished up against Jae’s chest. His hand is splayed across Jae’s sternum, and it’s so small that Jae has to blink at it a couple times to register what it is in his sleep-addled brain.

Snoozing Dowoon might just be the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

Very carefully and very slowly, he extracts himself from Dowoon and nestles the boy back among the copious blankets and pillows.

He places Dowoon’s stuffed dog next to him, smiling when the boy unconsciously snuggles it closer.

Tiptoeing out of the fort, he makes his way out of the room and down the hall.

“Fuck…” he hears Brian mutter from the kitchen.

He _is_ up, then.

Jae feels his palms start to sweat and wipes them on his jeans. Hopefully Brian won’t be too creeped out that Jae’s let himself into his apartment, uninvited.

“Hey, um-“ Jae starts as he pokes his head into the kitchen, not prepared to see Brian pressing a shaky hand to his forehead and leaning heavily against the counter.

“Oh. Are you okay? What are you doing up? You should sit down,” Jae worries, stepping closer.

“Stop!” Brian chokes out in a gravelly voice before breaking into a small fit of coughs.

Jae freezes.

Brian gestures exasperatedly at the floor and Jae realizes there’s a broken jar of pasta sauce splashed across the floor.

“Ah.” Sidestepping the mess, Jae makes his way to Brian’s side and feels his forehead for temperature. He’s still warm and clammy to the touch. “You’re still sick. You should lie down; I’ll clean this up.”

“I’m- I’m fine,” Brian protests. “I was almost done anyway.”

Jae looks at the washed but uncut veggies, the box of noodles, and pot of water heating on the stove, and figures out what Brian was intending.

He huffs. “You are definitely _not_ fine. Now lie down and I’ll finish up.”

Jae notes how Brian sways dangerously where he stands despite Jae’s hand on his shoulder. Yet, the man makes no move to leave.

Jae rolls his eyes.

“You can sit here and watch, if you want, but I’m not letting you anywhere near that knife,” he states firmly.

Brian tries to glare, but with his teary eyes and red cheeks, it comes off as more of a sad pout.

It’s unfairly cute.

Brian stiffly lowers himself into a chair and then allows his torso to drape over the kitchen table with a groan. “Hate being sick,” he complains.

Jae hides a smile by turning away to grab the roll of paper towels.

“Were you intending to let us find your dead body in a week? Why didn’t you tell us you got sick, too?” Jae asks, wiping at the pasta sauce on the floor.

Brian mumbles something indistinguishable into his arm.

“Hm?”

“It wasn’t bad at first… Told Dowoon to call Wonpil and Sungjin. Didn’t expect he’d call you, sorry…” Brian says in a grating voice.

Jae winces.

“Jesus, please talk as little as possible.” He carefully places the glass shards into the balled-up paper towels and deposits them in the trash can. “Also, don’t apologize, Bri. I’m the one that should be sorry for barging into your apartment uninvited like this, I didn’t know what else to do.”

A pause. Then,

“… Bri?”

Jae flushes.

He hadn’t meant for the nickname to slip out.

It’s true that Sungjin and, more often, Wonpil call Brian by the abbreviated version of his name, but Jae hasn’t till now, afraid it’d sound weird coming from him. Apparently, Brian had caught on, which is what Jae’d been afraid of.

“Uhh- I mean-“

Brian’s giving him a teasing look, smirk prominent from where his head is propped on his arm.

Jae finishes wiping the remaining mess off the floor with a wet towel and stands, turning quickly toward the counter. “Yep. I’ll chop these veggies now.”

Behind him, Brian laughs, though the sounds quickly dissolve into a fit of coughs that he’s unsuccessful in stifling.

Jae’s by his side with a glass of water before he can finish hacking up his lungs and Brian takes it, swallowing gratefully.

Checking the time on the microwave, Jae says, “It’s about time for you to take some more medicine, but it’s probably best to get some food in your system first. Can you wait till the pasta’s done?”

Brian frowns. “I don’t think I can stomach that… it was actually for you and Dowoon.”

“Oh.”

Jae’s oddly touched. “Well, what else do you have? I could get you some yogurt or soup or- something else? The store’s not far, I can run down and get-“

“Jae,” Brian interrupts with that pretty smile that makes Jae die a little inside. “Yogurt’s fine.”

“Great! Yes. Yogurt!” Jae affirms, clasping his hands together. “… Yogurt?”

Brian points toward the fridge, looking like he’s struggling not to laugh again.

“Right. Fridge.”

Jae looks at the fridge completely covered in alphabet magnets and colorful stick figure drawings and feels his lips curl upward.

_Of course, Brian is one of those proud, doting fathers._

Jae opens it and quickly finds what he’s looking for, grabbing two different flavors and a spoon and setting them in front of Brian.

Brian looks confused.

“Eat both.”

Brian's brows furrow.

“No arguing. I’m guessing you haven’t had anything to eat in a while, possibly even since yesterday…?”

A guilty expression flits across the man’s face and Jae nods affirmatively.

“And with how you couldn’t even stay conscious for more than a few seconds earlier, you’re eating both.”

Brian gives him a baleful look.

“I will get you a different flavor if you want, though,” Jae adds with a grin.

Brian pouts but obediently pops open the lid of the first yogurt cup and scoops some into his mouth. He raises a brow at Jae as if to ask, _Happy?_

(Jae is, indeed, very happy but tries not to show it).

He goes back to the living room to grab the medicine and returns, placing the tablets on the table in front of Brian.

“Eat those when you’re done with the yogurt,” he says.

For good measure, he refills Brian’s water as well, then goes to finally chop the vegetables Brian had started.

“Thank you,” Brian says quietly.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jae says, biting his lip to stifle a smile. He’s glad he’s not facing the man right now. “If anything, you can thank me with that coffee date you promised me- don’t think being sick will get you out of that forever,” he jokes.

Brian laughs, and warmth spreads through Jae’s body.

Jae’s just about ready to plate the pasta when Dowoon pads into the kitchen, clutching his stuffed dog.

“Appa!” Dowoon exclaims, immediately running toward Brian as soon as he sees him.

Brian grins and leans down to scoop Dowoon into his arms.

“Is Appa all better now?” Dowoon asks, once safely seated on Brian’s lap.

“Not yet, Woonie,” Brian says.

Dowoon wrinkles his tiny nose and pokes his father’s cheek.

“Appa sounds like a monster.”

Brian chuckles hoarsely, but Jae can see how much effort he’s putting into staying upright and holding Dowoon.

“Dowoon, do you like pasta?” Jae asks, setting the dishes down on the table and taking a seat.

Dowoon’s eyes light up. “Spagett!”

Jae chuckles. “Yeah, spagett! Here, why don’t you let your appa rest a bit and come eat?” He pats the spot across the table, and Dowoon happily jumps off his father’s lap to seat himself.

Brian shoots him a grateful look and slumps forward onto his arms.

“Is appa not eating?”

“No, your appa already ate earlier, see?” Jae points to the empty yogurt cups, then winks at Brian. “Good job.”

Brian sticks his tongue out at him, and while the petulance makes Jae laugh, the gesture kind of makes Jae want to kiss him.

Like at the grocery store, the whole domesticity of their current situation doesn’t escape him, and before Jae’s cheeks can warm too much, he scoops a big forkful of spaghetti into his mouth.

When they’re done eating, Brian tells Dowoon that if he washes his hands well, he can go watch some TV. Dowoon immediately goes to do as he’s told, and after washing his hands and getting approval from Brian, runs out of the kitchen.

Jae takes their plates to the sink.

“Tupperware?” he asks, frowning at how the man is barely keeping himself awake at this point.

Brian points at a cupboard and Jae finds the containers easily enough, getting one for the untouched spaghetti and one for Dowoon’s leftovers (Jae had accidentally given the boy too much, not used to portioning for children).

Sticking the containers in the fridge, he places all the used dishes in the sink, then brings Brian some more water.

“Here. Drink this, you need to get more fluids in your body,” Jae says. “And then you should probably sleep, yeah?”

Brian grimaces at the mug but takes it, sipping slowly.

“Gotta watch Woonie,” he murmurs, even though his eyelids are already halfway shut.

“I can watch him,” Jae offers.

Brian tenses.

Immediately, Jae wonders if he’s overstepping some sort of boundary.

Sure, he’s watched Dowoon all morning, but that had been when Brian was unconscious and hadn’t given consent…

“I mean- I just- you’re not really in a state to take care of a child, and you really should rest…” Jae flounders. “I can leave and call Sungjin or Wonpil, if you want-“

Brian shakes his head. “Don’t leave,” he says.

Jae can’t help the way his heart thuds at that.

“O-okay.”

He helps Brian shuffle down the hall to his bedroom after Brian sways dangerously when getting up from his chair. (“I can walk on my own, Jae.” “Will it kill you to accept my help without arguing, for once?”)

Dowoon’s on the couch, happily watching Paw Patrol, and looks curiously at them but nods seriously when Jae tells him his appa is going to take a nap.

With Brian’s arm around his neck, and his own arm curled protectively around Brian’s waist, Jae finds it hard to keep his heartbeat from flailing wildly in his chest.

They reach Brian’s bedroom, a small master painted light grey, with a full-sized bed, pictures of Dowoon, himself, and other people that Jae assumes are friends or family, scattered about on various surfaces.

It’s simple but homey and lived in, and Jae blushes as he realizes he’s been standing in the doorway with Brian at his side for far longer than is socially acceptable.

“Does it pass the inspection?” Brian asks wryly.

Jae chuckles, avoiding Brian’s teasing glance. “I’d give it a 7 for cleanliness, but overall a 9.”

“Oh? And what would make it a 10?” Brian asks playfully, apparently a flirt even when horribly sick.

“Why don’t we talk about that when you’re not close to keeling over,” Jae offers, lowering Brian down on the bed.

Brian turns his pretty, feline eyes up at him as he slides under the blankets, and Jae really, _really_ wants to kiss him.

“Thanks, Jae. Really.”

Jae nods, not trusting himself to speak, and turns to leave Brian’s room.

By early evening, Jae and Dowoon have marathoned Paw Patrol, Clifford, _and_ Chicken Little (“You _do_ look like him!” “I do _not_ , he has different glasses!”), shared a pint of ice cream, and are currently playing with Dowoon’s Lego set.

Jae is running short on ideas for what to do next.

 _How the hell do parents do this 24/7?_ he wonders.

Luckily, he’s saved by the sound of Brian coming down the hallway.

“Thank god, I was starting to wonder if I’d have to _kiss_ you awake, Sleeping Beauty,” Jae jokes.

Brian looks miles better after his long nap, eyes clear and flush now a faint, peachy blush on his cheeks.

“Oops, should I go lie down again, Prince Charming?” Brian murmurs, playing along.

“Prince Phillip,” Jae corrects.

Brian quirks a confused brow.

“Prince Charming is the one from Cinderella,” Jae clarifies. “Or is there something you’re not telling me?” he teases.

Brian chuckles. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking to a Disney aficionado. Then again, what else does one expect from a _Fearless_ -era Taylor Swift fan?”

Jae grins at the reference from their first date.

“What’s that mean?” Dowoon pipes up, looking thoroughly lost.

They share a look from across the room and burst out in laughter at the same time.

Seeing as Brian’s conscious and able to function relatively normally on his own now, there’s really no reason for Jae to stay any longer.

He reluctantly bids goodbye to the pair, after assuring a teary Dowoon that they’ll see each other again soon and making him promise to take good care of his father.

Jae stands in the doorway of Brian’s apartment for a beat too long, wondering if it’s too much to give Brian a hug, and ends up awkwardly extending a hand toward Brian’s shoulder, which Brian mistakes as a move to handshake.

They end up clumsily shaking hands and then laughing at themselves.

Brian pulls him into a brief but warm hug, and Jae returns it, heartbeat thudding loudly in his ears.

“Thanks, Jae.”

“N-no problem,” Jae stammers. “Anytime.”

“If you get sick, I’m sorry,” Brian says, pulling back with a wide smile.

Jae chuckles. “If it meant you’d nurse me back to health, I wouldn’t mind.”

He pauses.

Then covers his face with a hand, cringing hard.

“I can’t believe I just said that. I’ll leave now. Man, that was gross!”

Brian cracks up. “I don’t mind it so much.”

“Well, _you_ are weird.”

“No weirder than you are.”

“Touché.”

“Bye, Jae.”

“Bye, Brian.”

Face warm and laughing, Jae turns to leave, waving over his shoulder at Brian and Dowoon, feeling like he’s on top of the world.

Outside, the late-May weather feels balmy, even with the sun long gone and the shadows stretching across the pavement.

The walk back to his own apartment is quiet, not many people out this late on a weekday. Jae feels fatigue from the day’s events finally catching up to him, feet dragging as he realizes he’s going back to an empty place.

His phone buzzes, and Jae fishes it out of his pocket.

He can’t stop the wide grin that overtakes his face.

_Brian: I think I’ll still be contagious tomorrow… but how about Friday? We can ditch SungPil._

Jae sends a quick affirmation, then spends the rest of his walk home alternating between enthusiastically texting Brian and chuckling to himself, and he’s so fucking happy he doesn’t mind the weird looks he gets from passersby.

Jae doesn’t end up getting sick (to his slight disappointment) and Brian gets better, which means by the time Friday comes, Jae’s amped up and ready to finally go on their second ever date.

He can’t believe it’s taken them nearly a month to get to this point, but then again, that first date had been a bit… catastrophic. He hopes this one will go better.

Brian had told Jae he’d take care of all the details, so Jae has literally no clue about what to expect.

He ends up texting Brian to ask if he should dress up, to which Brian gives a very vague, “Just wear whatever’s comfortable.”

Which sounds like it means not to dress up, but if Jae thinks more about it, it’s pretty open-ended and basically means Jae could wear anything, which means there’s a _lot_ of options and-

“Jae, for the last time, stop overthinking,” Wonpil berates.

Jae tears his eyes from his phone and slumps down, forehead first, onto the breakroom table.

“ _I don’t know what to wear,_ ” he laments for the umpteenth time.

“For god’s sakes, Jae, it’s just _clothes_ ,” Sungjin says. “Brian literally doesn’t care what you wear.”

“I’m sure he cares at least a little."

“You’d be hot even if you wore a chicken onesie,” Wonpil encourages with a smirk.

Jae glares at him.

He knew he shouldn’t have told them about the nickname Dowoon gave him.

“Seriously, though, how about jeans and a nice shirt? Like, that one turtleneck you own or something,” Wonpil continues.

That’s certainly an idea.

“Hm… I guess,” Jae says noncommittally.

Wonpil gives a dramatic sigh. “A ‘ _thank you, Wonpil’_ would be greatly appreciated, you know. Considering you’re ditching movie night for a fine piece of ass. Whatever happened to bros before hoes?”

Jae knows Wonpil’s joking, but he still glares at him regardless. “Brian is not a hoe. And we’re not going to be doing any of… _that_.” He waves his hands around in a nondescript manner. Wonpil looks somewhat smug, so Jae adds on, “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about how you never thought to set me up with your hot, single, clearly _perfect_ guy friend.”

Wonpil’s smirk turns wicked as he says slowly, “Brian may be perfect, but _you_ certainly aren’t.”

Sungjin spends the rest of their lunch break trying to keep Jae from killing his husband.

_Ten minutes left till Brian’s here._

Jae huffs at his reflection once again, frowning at that one strand of hair that never seems to stay where he wants it.

He jumps as the doorbell rings.

 _He’s early_.

Smiling at the thought that Brian might be as eager as he is, he takes longs strides to the door, opens it, and-

“Whoa.”

Brian’s in a black turtleneck that hugs his figure, signature black leather jacket, light wash distressed jeans, and black converse. His tawny hair is styled back and off his face, and he’s swapped out the hoops for a pair of shiny black studs.

It’s early enough in the evening that the sun is just setting, and the bright, warm light makes Brian’s light brown locks seem almost orange, lending an ethereal effect that contrasts with his sharp jawline and dark clothes.

In short, he’s so damn fuckable.

“Do you have to do that?” Jae blurts before he can stop himself.

The casual grin shifts to a small smirk and Brian quirks a brow. “What am I doing?”

“Sometimes you look like a giant housecat, all soft and cuddly and warm, and then other times- _like_ _now_ \- you look like… like how Jack must have looked to Rose in _Titanic_ and- seriously, man I’m getting whiplash here. Can you choose one or the other?” Jae rants, at wit’s end.

Brian cracks up, and Jae categorizes the nose scrunch as a Level Three. _Not a bad start._

“Excuse me, but you’re wearing the exact same thing,” Brian points out.

Jae had, indeed, decided to take Wonpil’s suggestion, unable to think of anything better, and had ended up in his sole white turtleneck, a light jean jacket, and dark wash jeans.

“Yeah, but I don’t look as good as _you_ ,” Jae says, gesturing to the man.

Brian’s gaze turns serious then, and his eyes slowly drip down Jae’s figure.

“That’s subjective, I think,” he says simply, and then Jae is suddenly feeling too warm, wishing he hadn’t worn so many layers.

Coughing to hide his red face, he steps out and locks his door behind him.

“A-anyways, we should get going, yeah?”

Grin a tad too sly, Brian takes his hand and pulls him out into the night.

Pretty soon, Jae figures out they’re heading toward the subway.

“Where are you taking me?” he asks, side-eyeing Brian.

Brian smiles mysteriously and says, “Somewhere fun.”

“Real enlightening,” Jae says dryly.

They swipe their subway cards and then Brian’s pulling him toward the blue line.

“Hmm… Myeongdong?”

Brian laughs and hits him playfully on the arm.

“You couldn’t just sit back and relax, could you?”

“Well, I had to figure out if you were planning on kidnapping me or something.”

“I’d feel sorry for anyone who tried to kidnap you,” Brian quips.

“Why? Because I’m so broke they wouldn’t get any ransom money?”

“Because you’re so annoying they’d let you go within ten minutes.”

Jae playfully pushes Brian with his shoulder and Brian nudges him back with that endearing grin of his.

A short subway ride later, and they’re in Myeongdong’s night market.

It’s bustling, peak hours; office workers spilling out onto the street to find dinner, teenagers laughing with their friends, and couples leisurely strolling along.

The soft lamps in the food stalls spill out onto the street and into the air, a warm beacon of light drawing passersby in.

The smell of seafood, freshly steamed rice, and sweet buns permeates the air, and vendors lay out their wares in colorful rows of shiny, candied strawberries and neat piles of dumplings.

Next to him, Brian’s eyes are wide with uncontained excitement, plush lips turned upward as he points out what he thinks looks good.

“-grilled squid, odeng, oh look- there’s a ppopgi stand! I could never eat around the shape without breaking it, could you?” Brian rambles on, before turning to look at Jae.

Jae thinks he could spend forever looking at Brian as he is now- lit warmly from all sides by the lamps, eyes bright and shining, endearing smile lifting up at the corners-

“You’re doing it again,” Brian points out, amused.

“Doing what?” Jae asks dumbly.

“Staring.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“So?”

Brian laughs. “So, you should stop.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

Brian rolls his eyes and takes his hand, pulling him forward.

And, well, that’s certainly something else for Jae to focus on.

He marvels at their now linked hands, at the warmth of Brian’s shorter, stockier fingers in his own.

“C’mon, slowpoke, I’m starving.”

They end up getting grilled lobster for Jae, odeng for Brian, and some fried chicken to share (“I can’t believe you want to eat your own kind, you cannibal!” “Oh my god, shut up!”), all of which Brian pays for with a satisfied smirk.

Brian, of course, decides to get more food- takoyaki and gimbap and mango juice, as well as hot, fried, doughy hotteok and sweet, sticky mochi for dessert- all of which he somehow coerces Jae into trying and sharing, and Jae ends up fuller than he’s ever been in his entire life.

“I can’t believe this is how you normally eat,” Jae gasps, clutching his stomach after ingesting the fat, strawberry, red bean mochi that had been shoved into his mouth against his will. “I feel like I’m going to explode.”

Brian laughs and takes his hand.

The way Brian casually intertwines their fingers, pulls him down the street- looks back at Jae like Jae _means_ something to him- stirs the butterflies in Jae’s stomach like a goddamn blender.

Or maybe that’s the excessive amount of food he’s just ingested.

“Please tell me we’re not getting more food.”

“No, you big baby, we’re going somewhere else,” Brian laughs.

They end up back on the subway, to Jae’s surprise.

When they get off at the stop for their neighborhood, Jae’s slightly disappointed.

_Is the night already over?_

But Brian takes his hand again and leads him along down the street that goes to his own house, not to Jae’s.

Jae’s stomach flips again, this time for a completely different reason.

“What are we- uh- what’s, um-“ Jae stumbles over his words, suddenly overwhelmingly nervous.

He hadn’t prepared for _this_ \- isn’t this only their second date?

Brian is confused as he takes in Jae’s panicked expression.

Then it clears in understanding.

“Oh my god, no, you pervert!” Brian snickers. “We’re just picking something up first.”

Jae furrows his brows and checks his phone. It’s close to 8 PM.

He doesn’t know anything about when kids should sleep, but it seems a bit late to him.

“Isn’t it kinda late for Dowoon to be out?”

Brian gives him a sly smile.

“Not Dowoon.”

And well, Jae’s stumped.

He follows in quiet confusion as they near Brian’s apartment, entertained by how Brian seems to vibrate with excitement the closer they get.

Brian lets go of his hand and bounds up the steps quickly, telling him to wait.

In a couple minutes, the front door opens again, and Brian’s back with a guitar slung over his shoulders.

Jae finds himself grinning, big and wide.

Brian sets them up at a nice, relatively uncrowded spot near the Han River, spreading out a picnic blanket and removing the guitar from its case.

To Jae’s bewilderment, Brian shoves the instrument into his hands.

“What-? Aren’t you going to play?” he asks.

“Nah, it’s all you, Mr. Former-Youtube-Star,” Brian says with that impish grin.

“It’s been years, though!” Jae exclaims. “I don’t know if I remember anything-“

“Oh, come on!” Brian coaxes. “I’m sure you’ll remember quickly enough.”

While Jae does still own a guitar and at times takes it out for a whirl, he isn’t lying about the fact that it’s been a very, _very_ long time since he’s played for real.

“I… ugh, fine,” he acquiesces, taking in the determined set of Brian’s face.

Brian whoops and grins, elated.

“Don’t get too excited, though. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment with this one,” he warns.

Brian’s gaze contains a challenge. “We’ll see about that.”

Breaking eye contact to hide the heat that rises to his face, Jae strums all five strings tentatively.

The guitar’s well-tuned; seems like it’s in great condition, really. And it’s one of those nicer Martin guitars that Jae’d had his eyes on when he was in high school.

He narrows his eyes at Brian, suspicious.

“How often do you play, exactly? Wonpil mentioned you sang at their wedding.”

Brian hums, thinking.

“I used to do gigs a lot, like weekly. But now, not so much.” He shrugs. “Taking care of Dowoon takes priority.”

Makes sense that he'd need a fancy guitar then, Jae thinks to himself.

He tilts his head curiously. “What other things did you used to do pre-Dowoon?”

Brian laughs. “Are you stalling?”

“No! I genuinely want to know!”

Brian leans back on his palms, looks up at the sky- now a dark, inky black that’s lit up from below by the city lights.

“I used to travel a lot. Not very far. But there were times- especially when I was a trainee- when I just wanted to get away from the city, so I’d go to the train station and buy whatever the next ticket was… I’d get on and find myself in a completely different city, completely different atmosphere. I’d spend a day, then come back.”

Brian’s eyes look far away and nostalgic, and Jae can tell he misses it.

“Favorite place you ever visited?”

“Jindo,” Brian answers without hesitation. “I went one year during the Sea Road Festival, have you ever been?”

Jae shakes his head.

“Well, the sea there parts once a year; don't ask me how- tides, the moon, whatever," Brian clarifies, grinning.

Jae chuckles.

"And it leaves a strip of land that connects Jindo to the next island. When I got there, the sun was setting and people started lighting up torches… The flames lit up the waves as people waded through the water, even as the tide came back in over their feet. It was…”

“Magical?” Jae supplies.

“Yeah,” Brian agrees. “Also, the food was great.”

Jae chuckles. “Of course.”

“Alright, enough stalling, YouTube Man; on with it. What are you going to play?”

Jae hums before deciding on an old favorite of his- _I’m Yours_ by Jason Mraz.

He takes a couple experimental strums of the guitar, fingers figuring out the chords again after so long, and when he thinks he’s got it down, he starts a strum pattern.

It’s a bit choppy at first, but as he starts to recall the feeling, he becomes more confident.

“ _Well you done done me and you bet I felt it  
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted”_

He gives Brian a wink and Brian rolls his eyes with a grin.

“ _I fell right through the cracks  
And now I'm trying to get back_”

Jae pauses to take a breath and fumbles to the next chord. Brian chuckles softly.

 _“Before the cool done run out  
I'll be giving it my best-est  
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention  
I reckon it's again my turn  
To win some or learn some_”

Brian joins in on the chorus, harmonizing with him, and Jae loves how smoothly their voices blend together.

“ _But I won't hesitate no more, no more_

 _It cannot wait, I'm yours_ ”

They continue the song in this fashion, trading ad-libs wherever they can, and by the end of it they’ve attracted a small crowd of people who clap enthusiastically once they’re done.

Brian looks at him with eyes alight, face bright.

“What’s next?”

They’re strolling along the Han River without any destination in mind, feet slow and shoulders brushing, not wanting to part just yet.

After their impromptu concert, they’d had quite a crowd gathered around, despite Jae messing up the chords and Brian forgetting the lyrics. There’d even been a talent scout who, to Jae’s astonishment, offered him their business card (“Maybe if I’d stuck around, we could’ve debuted together,” Brian jokes).

Jae’s got Brian’s guitar slung over one shoulder, and the back of his hand brushes Brian’s too many times for it to be purely on accident.

Even though they’ve already held hands multiple times tonight, he still doesn’t know if it’s okay to take Brian’s hand, to reach for what he wants.

Warm, sturdy fingers slip into his, and Jae looks over at Brian, who chooses that moment to turn his gaze at the opposite bank of the river.

“Where have you been all my life?”

The words slip from Jae’s mouth before he’s even had a chance to think them, but as soon as they’re out of his mouth, Jae realizes he’s been thinking it since he met Brian that first night, nearly a month ago.

Brian looks at him, expression amused, but Jae continues before he can get in a snarky reply.

“I mean, I feel like I’ve been looking for you all my life without ever really knowing it. All this time- all the people I’ve ever dated- there was always something missing, but with _you_ , I’ve never felt that way. Everything’s always been _right_ , and I just- maybe I’m being crazy, but even when I found out about Dowoon, all I could think was that I wanted to make it work and that if I didn’t at least _try_ I’d regret it for the rest of my life... And after I met Dowoon…”

Jae pauses to take a deep breath, voice shaking.

“ _Both of you are perfect._ I’ve never fallen so quickly for anyone the way I have for you two.”

Jae finishes his tirade lightheaded but invigorated, not even sure what his point is anymore, just knowing that it- that _he and Brian_ \- are _right_.

Together.

Brian looks like he’s trying to figure out what to say.

His brown eyes dance with emotion, and his lips part, silent for a second before-

“I… I feel the same.”

Elation floods Jae from head to toe, lifts him up so high the only thing that tethers him to the ground is the warmth of Brian’s hand in his.

He grins ecstatically, so wide he knows his eyes are probably slits now.

“That all you gotta say?” he teases. “I just gave you the confession of the century and-“

And then Brian’s plush, pink lips are pressed against his, effectively shutting him up, and Jae can’t complain about that.

Everything’s suspended for a moment, and the whole of Jae’s being exists in that one small connection between their bodies.

Brian pulls away all too quickly.

Jae doesn’t want to lose the feeling so soon- chases after him with parted lips- pulls him in closer so he’s wrapped in Jae’s arms.

Brian’s hand slides up to clutch the lapel of Jae’s jacket, and then their mouths are coming together, again and again and again, soft skin and brushing noses and the wet caress of tongue on tongue.

When they break away, they’re breathless, heartbeats thrumming in their heads and fingers and lips.

Jae looks into Brian’s eyes and realizes he's falling in love.

Smiling, he leans forward to connect their lips once more.

They get back to Brian’s apartment much later than Brian had originally planned but linger in front of the door, still not ready to part.

“Tonight was amazing,” Jae says.

The atmosphere between them is charged, electric, new after their kiss.

Jae’s flying high and doesn’t want to come back to reality just yet.

“Yeah,” Brian says shyly.

“I, um, well… I guess I should maybe… y’know…” Jae stalls awkwardly, shuffling his feet.

“I’m sorry… I’d invite you in, but I don’t know if Dowoon’s in bed or not, and the babysitter…” Brian says, looking put out.

“Yeah, no worries! I totally get it-“

They both jump as the door opens beside them.

“Hey!” A dude Jae doesn’t know pokes his head out. “Brian, Dowoon’s already in bed. I was about to head out, if that’s okay.”

Brian blinks a couple times, confused.

The dude looks meaningfully at Jae.

“Y’know… your night doesn’t need to end yet.”

Brian looks mortified and his entire face turns red, from the tips of his ears to his neck.

Jae’s fascinated.

“I… u-uh…” he stutters. “O-okay.”

“I’m so glad for you, Brian. You deserve to be happy,” the dude says, shrugging on a backpack and stepping out into the hall. “Well, goodnight! Goodnight to you, also- Jae, I assume,” he says with a cheerful wave.

“Thanks, Junhyeok,” Brian manages to pull a grateful smile on his still-red face.

Jae lifts his hand in an awkward wave and then the two of them watch as Junhyeok bounds down the stairs.

“Oh my god,” Brian whispers before burying his face in his hands.

Jae laughs softly and can’t help himself from reaching out a finger to caress the flaming red tip of Brian’s ear.

“He seems nice,” Jae says.

“Yeah, he is,” Brian says, finally looking up with a resigned grin. “Wanna come in?”

They end up opening a bottle of wine and cuddling on the couch with the TV playing some random National Geographic show in the background.

Brian’s sitting in between Jae’s long legs, nestled right up against him so his head is on Jae’s chest. It’s comfy and warm, and Jae never wants to move.

Brian’s playing with his fingers, moving each digit up and down by the knuckle so they’re doing some weird form of the worm mid-air, and Jae thinks it’s cute how Brian snickers to himself under his breath.

“You’re adorable,” Jae says fondly.

Brian looks up at him out of the corner of his eye.

“And you’re a nightmare,” Brian says with a smirk.

“What, why?!” Jae exclaims, indignant.

“You’re overly sappy,” he says, wrinkling his nose. (It’s a Level Four, Jae notes with delight).

“I swear I’m not like this around other people,” Jae defends himself. “Something about you just makes me want to vomit rainbows and kittens… In any case, I’m not as bad as Wonpil- he’s the _real_ nightmare.”

Jae feels Brian’s laugh reverberate throughout his whole being.

“If it weren’t for Wonpil, you’d never have seen me again.”

Jae pauses for a moment.

He supposes it’s true.

“You’re not allowed to tell him that, or he’ll hold it over me for all eternity,” Jae says seriously.

Brian snickers.

Tiring of fidgeting with Jae’s fingers, Brian twists around so they’re face to face, chest to chest- Brian lying on top of Jae like some sort of giant house cat. He lays his chin on Jae’s chest and peers up at him with almond eyes and plush cheeks.

“Fuck, _stop_ ,” Jae complains, blushing. “If you keep being cute, I’m going to- _I don’t know_ \- _eat_ you, or something.”

Brian laughs, the sound throaty and deeper than usual due to his position.

He scoots himself up so their faces are inches apart.

“What if I want you to?” Brian whispers.

Brian’s eyes glint with the flickering images from the TV.

Jae’s breath hitches.

Who moves first, Jae doesn’t know, but his heart soars as their lips meet again.

Where before their kisses had been the hesitant collision of new lovers, the kiss now is a heated, sultry sweep of skin against skin.

Brian licks into his mouth, and pleasure tingles along Jae’s spine.

He tastes sweet, like the wine they’d sipped.

Jae shifts to sit upward, simultaneously pulling Brian closer, closer, closer.

Brian ends up in his lap, small hands curling around Jae’s face and in his hair, tugging on the short strands as Jae invades his mouth over and over.

“ _Mmm- Jae,_ “ Brian breathes, tilting his head as Jae kisses and nips along the smooth curve of his jawbone toward his ear.

Jae slips a hand under Brian’s shirt, runs a reverent thumb over the soft, silky skin of Brian’s waist.

Brian lets out a tiny moan, and Jae is definitely feeling a bit warm now.

He takes the lobe of Brian’s right ear between his teeth, licks those twin moles with a sharp flick of the tongue, revels in the way Brian shudders against him.

Jae moves in to drink once more from Brian’s lips but Brian suddenly tenses, places a hand against Jae’s shoulder.

“Jae- Jae, wait-“

He leans back, breathing heavily, eyes blown, cheeks flushed.

He looks amazing- and Jae wants nothing more than to _devour_ him whole- but the furrow between his brows is concerning.

“Are you okay?”

Brian closes his eyes and takes a deep, shuddering breath.

“Y-yeah, I’m sorry- I just…“

“Shh- there’s no need to apologize,” Jae says softly, removing his hand from beneath Brian’s shirt to smooth back a stray lock of hair.

Brian shoots him a grateful look and then leans back to extract himself from Jae’s limbs.

Sensing that the other man needs some space, Jae swings his legs off the couch to give him more room but is surprised when Brian nestles himself back into his side.

After a short, indecisive pause, Brian grabs his hand and laces their fingers together.

It’s cute how touchy he is, Jae muses, wondering if the contact somehow comforts him.

“I like you, Jae,” Brian starts. “A lot. So much that it scares me a little, to be honest.” He laughs softly. “… I don’t want to ruin this… but I don’t know if I’m ready to- to take it further just yet.”

Jae curls his fingers around Brian’s smaller ones and leans forward a bit to catch Brian’s eye.

He wants Brian to understand.

“Bri, we can take it as slow as you want; you’re not ruining anything. I’ll wait for you as long as you need.”

Jae brings a hand to Brian’s cheek and gently caresses the flare of his cheekbone.

“You’re worth it,” he says, meaning every word.

Brian flushes a deep scarlet before turning his head away.

“… Cheesy ass,” he mutters.

Jae chuckles, leaning in to give him a soft peck on the temple.

Before he can sit back, Brian catches his chin and brings him into a sweet, tender kiss.

“ _Thank you, Jae_ ,” Brian whispers against his lips.


	5. Even If the Skies Get Rough

Jae wakes up to the sound of the TV playing some kid’s show.

As he blinks his eyes open, it takes him a second to remember he’s at Brian’s place, the two of them having stayed up late last night talking and cuddling.

He shifts, groaning a bit as his neck protests the act of sleeping on a couch without an adequate pillow. Brian is curled up next to him, back snuggled right up into Jae’s front.

Brian’s breathing deeply, making a quiet snuffling noise in the back of his throat that’s cute in a way Jae’s brain can’t process this early in the morning.

“Mr. Chicken Little?”

Jae starts.

He looks around and sure enough, on the floor at the foot of the couch, Dowoon’s sitting cross-legged like a miniature monk in his green puppy-dog pajamas.

“Oh… hey, Dowoon,” Jae says sheepishly.

_Well, this is awkward._

“Are you gonna be my second appa?”

_And holy shit._

Jae needs some coffee in his system if he’s going to be answering questions like this.

“Uhh- umm-“ Jae fumbles for words, brain short circuiting.

“’Cause Appa’s had friends over, but they never sleep over… And Appa said parents sleep in the same house, so you’re my appa now?”

Dowoon’s looking at him with wide, innocent eyes, and Jae has no idea what he’s supposed to say.

Oblivious to Jae’s distress, Brian’s still sleeping soundly, even snoring a bit louder.

He decides to be honest.

“Well, Dowoon… I think I’d like being your second appa, but it’s really up to your dad to decide.”

Dowoon seems to mull over this for a second, before a big grin spreads over his tiny face.

“That’s easy! Appa likes you and you make appa happy. So Appa will say yes!”

Jae blinks.

 _How can a kid be so sweet?_ he wonders.

He grins, touched at the faith Dowoon has in him.

“What about you, Dowoonie? Do you want me to be your second appa?”

As soon as he asks, Jae regrets his impulsiveness, afraid for the answer.

But what he doesn’t expect is for Dowoon to answer without even pausing to think, nodding his head vigorously up and down.

“Yeah!”

Feeling his heart swell so suddenly it’s almost painful, Jae wants to cry.

Blinking rapidly and sitting up, he decides he needs to _not_ cry at- checking the clock- almost eight in the morning.

Breakfast and coffee seem like a great idea right about now.

Next to him, Brian shifts and rolls over in his sleep, facing Jae and placing a limp hand where Jae had been lying.

_Fuck._

Sleepy Brian is almost cuter than sleepy Dowoon.

Carefully, Jae steps over the slumbering man to stand on the ground next to Dowoon.

“Woonie, you hungry?”

The boy nods eagerly.

“Just let me get cleaned up a bit and I’ll make us some food, yeah?”

“Okay!”

Dowoon agrees, head turning back to watch his cartoons.

Crossing the hall to the bathroom, Jae closes the door and takes in his mussed, spent-a-night-over-without-showering appearance.

It’s not pretty.

Groaning at the crick in his neck, he steals some toothpaste from the tube on the counter, smiling at the assortment of rubber ducks lined up below the mirror. Given the kiddie-sized toothbrush and stool, and lack of any adult products, Brian probably has a separate bathroom.

He roughly brushes his teeth with a finger and swishes it around with water before rinsing his mouth. He scrubs his face with some water and does what he can to fix his hair before giving up and heading to the kitchen.

_Hm… eggs, bread, fruit… I think breakfast is manageable…_

Grabbing a pan and spatula, Jae sets about cooking.

Jae’s humming to himself, flipping over some final pieces of toast on the pan, when he feels arms wrap around his waist.

“If you keep cooking for us every time you’re over, I might just keep you here forever.”

 _Holy hell_.

“ _That’s_ your morning voice?” Jae asks, cheeks heating up.

Brian’s morning voice is positively _sinful_ , all vibrant bass tones that tickle something deep inside Jae.

“Why, what’s wrong with it?” Brian- _the devil_ \- asks, tiptoeing up to murmur right into Jae’s ear.

“Stop, oh my god! That’s so unfair!” Jae whines.

Brian chuckles, the sound deep and throaty with this version of his voice, and a shiver runs down Jae’s spine.

“Careful, the bread’s burning,” Brian points out, thoroughly amused.

Jae huffs and glares at the man.

He can’t keep his angry expression for long, though, as he takes in Brian’s appearance.

Snickering, he caresses the pillow lines on Brian’s face and secretly takes pleasure in knowing that even the most perfect man in the world has awful bedhead like Jae’s.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Jae turns back to the toast, removing it from the pan and plating it.

“Breakfast’s almost ready, you should go brush your teeth.”

“Where’s my good morning kiss?” Brian asks lowly.

Jae blushes.

_That frickin’ voice._

He gives Brian a soft peck on the lips, wrinkling his nose as he pulls back.

“Ew. Morning breath.”

Brian sticks his tongue out at him, and Jae laughs and kisses him once more.

From then on, Jae becomes a regular fixture in Brian’s and Dowoon’s lives.

The three of them often go out on the weekends- to the park or the market most often. Every so often, they plan something special, like going to a museum or biking along the Han river.

Jae learns more about Brian and Dowoon, like how Dowoon eats sandwiches by the crust first and how his favorite color is red and how he hates mosquitoes with a burning passion. He learns that Brian is a napping machine and sleeps whenever he can (though that might be partly due to parenthood) and that he cooks a mean dumpling soup (the first time Jae tastes it, he throws his spoon down and declares, “I’m never eating another mandu jeongol again; this is the best I’ll ever have!” “… I’m not getting you another spoon,” Brian replies).

In turn, the father-son duo learns more about Jae, too. Jae tells them about his childhood years in Los Angeles and his struggle to adjust after moving to Korea, as well as more mundane things, like how Jae can’t stand aegyo (“Like the physical act of doing it, or someone doing it to you?” “Either.” To which Brian responds by aegyo-ing the shit out of Jae).

Today, the three of them are at a small park in the neighborhood.

Dowoon’s playing around in the sandbox with a few other children, and Jae and Brian are dutifully watching from under the comfortable shade of a nearby tree. (Jae had, from early on, reassured Brian that such dates aren’t boring and are, in fact, quite nice solely because they mean Jae doesn’t have to do any form of physical exertion. Besides, talking with Brian is always nice).

The two of them have been chatting about nothing in particular, commenting on how that child should really put that stick down before they poke their eyes out and whether or not the ice cream vendor knows there’s a cat stealing his cones. Now, though, they’re sitting in comfortable silence, enjoying the warm breeze.

Jae watches as Dowoon digs furiously in the sandbox, methodically creating a rather large mound of displaced sediment behind him via bucket. He wonders what the kid’s trying to do, then remembers his own childhood and figures it could be any number of things, really.

Brian’s head hits his shoulder at that moment, and Jae realizes the man’s fallen asleep.

Grinning, Jae peers down at Brian.

The sunlight filtering through the leaves casts dancing shadows on his face, illuminating his brow, then his bowed lips, then the curve of his lashes against his cheeks.

Over these past two months, Brian hasn’t become any less beautiful to Jae.

On the contrary, he’s become even more so.

Jae knows now that when Brian laughs so hard he forgets to keep his nose un-scrunched is when he’s the most free, that when his face goes blank after a compliment it’s because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t know how to respond, that behind every flirtatious wink and grin is someone who’s scared of being left again, which is why Brian sometimes lays the playboy on thick- so that one day, when someone wants to leave, he won’t seem like he cared too much.

Jae gets it.

Really, he does.

But, after two months of getting to know Brian, he knows when he’s being held at arm’s length. And he knows Brian isn’t letting him in any closer for some reason.

They’ve definitely kissed. Definitely made out. (And boy, does Jae love the times when Brian initiates anything “further,” climbing into his lap to hold his head in steady hands and dive into his mouth with slick tongue.)

But any time Jae reaches a hand to reciprocate, to draw Brian in closer, to caress soft skin or nip tender joints- any time Jae hears those soft, sweet moans begin to climb in ecstasy- Brian stops them abruptly, looking so much as though he wants nothing more but to go on, but not allowing himself to for some reason.

_But what’s the reason?_

Don’t get him wrong, it’s not just about the sex, despite how badly he wants Brian.

He just wants to know what about _Jae- gangly, awkward, chicken extraordinaire-_ scares Brian so much.

They haven’t really even touched on the topic of Dowoon’s mom, Jae being unwilling to bring it up before Brian, and Brian unrelenting in his silence on the matter.

He can’t help but be somewhat frustrated.

Over in the sandbox, Dowoon makes an excited noise and scoops something into his hands.

Tottering over to Jae and Brian, he shouts, “Appa! Mr. Chicken Little! Look, look!”

Jae puts a finger over his lips and points to Brian, indicating that he’s sleeping, and immediately Dowoon lowers his voice, whisper-shouting, “Look what I found!”

When he gets close enough, Dowoon shoves his hands right in Jae’s face, and Jae forgets all about being quiet as he yells, “Oh my god!”

He flinches back so hard that Brian’s sleeping form is booted from his shoulder and unceremoniously dumped on the hard ground.

Brian grunts and mutters grumpily, “Jesus, Jae, a little warning would’ve been nice.”

Jae’s too distressed to care, already climbing to his feet and backing away from Dowoon, who’s looking curiously at Jae.

“What’s going on?” Brian asks, propped up on an elbow, amused now that he’s grasping the situation.

“Appa, look!”

Dowoon presents his hands again, and Jae flinches in disgust.

In the middle of the boy’s upturned palms is a _huge_ , horrendously fat, white grub.

Jae shudders.

Brian breaks into loud guffaws. “You’re scared of a _grub_?!”

“Look at it! It’s disgusting!” Jae defends himself.

It wriggles its fat head slowly on Dowoon’s palms and Jae feels like retching. He looks away.

“I thought chickens were supposed to eat insects,” Brian teases him.

“You are _so_ not helping right now,” Jae huffs.

“Are bugs bad?” Dowoon asks, innocent as ever.

“Yes, bugs are bad-“ Jae says at the same time that Brian says, “Not really, sometimes they taste good.”

“Stop! Please!” Jae moans in despair.

Brian’s about to tease him more- Jae knows by the awful glint in his eyes- but Dowoon suddenly yelps.

They look down to see the grub leaving behind a giant, dark turd in Dowoon’s tiny hands.

The boy looks horrified.

“A-Appa… i-it… p-pooped… on m-me…”

Dowoon’s lip trembles and he breaks into loud cries as the fat grub finishes emptying its bowels and tumbles itself off his palms into the grass, leaving behind the turd.

Jae almost stops himself.

Almost.

But then he looks at Brian and finds him biting his lip furiously to hold it in, and they make eye contact and it’s all over.

The two of them burst into laughter at the same time, Brian banging his fist on the ground and Jae doubling over in unabashed mirth.

Dowoon looks up at the two of them, betrayed, and becomes angry.

“Appa! Mr. Chicken Little! Stop laughing!”

“I-I’m sorry,” Brian struggles to say in between stifled giggles, “Woonie-“

“Stop laughing or I’ll put the poop on you!” Dowoon shouts angrily.

That stifles Brian’s mirth pretty quickly.

“It’s his fault!”

Jae’s dumbfounded when the man points at him.

“Excuse me?”

“He laughed first!”

“N-no, Dowoonie- wait-“ Jae pleads as the small child advances on him, arms outstretched threateningly.

Brian is laughing again, the bastard.

“Brian, I’ll get you back for this!” Jae shouts over his shoulder as he takes off running, Dowoon following close behind.

In the end, Jae allows Dowoon to smear the poop on him, and then the two of them conspire together to dunk handfuls of woodchips onto Brian’s head.

All of them leave the park filthy and covered in grass and dirt, but the grins on their faces are brighter than ever.

As with most of his problems, Jae chooses to ignore his worries about Brian holding back until he can’t.

It all comes flooding out when Wonpil makes an offhand comment about how they keep skipping movie night to have hot sex.

“Actually, we haven’t done it yet,” Jae admits, not thinking much of it at first.

Silence.

“Wait, what?!” Wonpil screeches.

Luckily, they’re the only ones in the break room, since it’s rather late in the day for lunch, Jae and Wonpil having been held up in a client meeting.

Jae shrugs.

“We’re taking it slow, so what?” he asks, not sure what to make of the disbelieving expression on Wonpil’s face.

“But you guys have been eye-fucking each other since day one!”

“Yeah, but… Brian’s not ready, I’m not ready,” Jae reasons, though he’s beginning to sound less sure and more like he’s trying to convince himself.

“But… Brian’s _never_ waited this long to have sex,” Wonpil says in an awed tone.

_And wow, okay._

_That stings._

“I’m sure it’s a good thing!” Wonpil sees the hurt on his face and rushes to console him. “He must not want to ruin things with you, so he’s being careful.”

“Or he just doesn’t want to fuck me,” Jae says, pushing his sandwich away.

He’s suddenly not very hungry anymore.

“When do you think he’s gonna dump me?”

Jae tries to act nonchalant, but he can’t keep the frown from his face, having pushed this thought away so many times, only for it to come back and slap him in the face again harder than ever.

Because he has to confront it at some point.

Brian’s just _too_ perfect.

Brian is so perfect he can juggle a full-time job and a four-year old child with ease and grace, so perfect he can pull off looking sexy in the morning even when his hair is a bird’s nest and drool is dried on his chin, so fucking perfect that sometimes it’s painful for Jae to even _look_ at him when he’s laughing, when he’s singing, when he’s looking at Jae _like Jae is special to him_.

Because Jae?

Jae will always be that nerd in high school whom everyone laughed at for blowing his nose too often.

“Jae, he’s not going to dump you,” Wonpil says, breaking into his self-loathing fest.

“How do you know?” Jae asks bitterly.

“He’s clearly-“

“Wonpil, I think I’m gonna get back to work.” Jae interrupts, not wanting to hear any empty platitudes and above all, not wanting to hear any _truths_ that his mind will undoubtedly twist and defile.

Because even if Wonpil’s right and Brian _is_ being careful with Jae, it still means that Brian feels the need to be careful around Jae in the first place.

It means there’s something stopping him from fully trusting Jae.

He slides his chair back and stalks from the lunchroom to his desk.

The rest of the day, he throws himself into his work, not bothering to acknowledge the concerned glances Sungjin and Wonpil send his way.

Brian knows something’s up when he gets a call from Wonpil in the middle of the day. Wonpil never calls when he’s at work.

“Hey, what’s up?” he answers, shuffling around some of the manuscripts on his desk and making note of what page he was at.

“You need to do something about Jae.”

Immediately, Brian’s amused.

“Why, is he singing _You Belong With Me_ on loop again?”

“No, Bri, this is serious. Have you told him about Ayeon yet?”

The smile fades from Brian’s face.

“N-no… I…”

“I’m going to be honest with you, Bri. I think you’re hurting him.”

Brian closes his eyes and lets out a slow breath.

“I know, Pil.”

“I know you’re scared, but you should trust him. He is so in love with you, it’s not even funny anymore.”

Brian knows that what Wonpil’s saying is true, has seen the look Jae directs at him sometimes when he thinks Brian’s not looking (and sometimes even when he is), and knows when that look morphs into hurt as Brian pulls back time and time again, putting space between them.

“Brian, I’m telling you this because I want you to be happy. I want you _both_ to be happy, and right now you’re not taking that leap of faith. You’re strong, Bri, I know you can do it,” Wonpil says in that soft, angelic voice of his.

Brian tries to calm the sudden thrumming of his heart.

“But, Pil…”

Brian clenches his eyes shut, takes a deep breath in and out.

“What if… what if it doesn’t work out? I think that’d _break_ me, Pil… It’d break me even worse than what Ayeon did,” he whispers, chest clenching painfully.

“Oh, Bri… I know it’s hard, but at some point, you’re just going to have to have to let yourself fall. It’s scary, I know; I mean it took me a full year to confess to Sungjinnie and he was even in love with someone else at the time, but what came out of it was something so _amazingly beautiful_ it was completely worth the risk... And hey, if Jae really does end up breaking your heart- which he won’t, I guarantee you- I’ll personally castrate him myself; scout’s honor.”

Brian barks out a laugh at his friends’ humor.

_You can do it._

He feels something in himself loosen.

“Thanks, Pil. I needed to hear that. I’ll tell him, I promise.”

He can hear the smile in Wonpil’s voice when he teases, “What would you do without me?”

Brian chuckles.

“Become emotionally constipated, for sure.”

“Nah, you’d have figured it out… _eventually_.”

Brian snorts.

“You’ll tell him soon?”

“… Yeah, Pil. I’ll do it soon.”

“Good.”

“Bye, Pil.”

“Bye, Bri.”

After they hang up, Brian stares at his computer screen for a while, fiddling idly with the corners of the manuscripts in front of him.

Despite his reassurances to his friend, he has no fucking clue how he’s going to do this, and well, he’s terrified. So horribly terrified he’s been willing to risk his relationship with the most wonderful man he’s ever met over some indecisive waffling.

 _You’re being stupid_ , Brian tells himself, for probably the thousandth time. _Stop being stupid_.

This time, he listens to himself.

He picks up his phone and sends Jae a text.

_Brian: Dinner on Friday?_

The response doesn’t come for a while, and Brian confirms his suspicions that Jae has, indeed, been putting off replying.

_Jae: Ok_

Brian feels the guilt twist in his chest and knows Wonpil is right.

Any more of this nonsense and he might really lose Jae.


	6. Stars They Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning: This chapter contains an explicit sex scene. If you're uncomfortable with that kind of thing, feel free to skip that part.

On Friday, Brian drops Dowoon off at Sungjin and Wonpil’s place, triple checking that he’s packed everything Dowoon needs for an overnight stay until Wonpil shoos him away with fond exasperation.

“Brian, if you don’t hurry up, you’re going to be late,” Wonpil warns.

Brian huffs and tucks the Ziploc with Dowoon’s toothbrush back in his yellow duck backpack before standing.

“Call me if you need anything, okay?” he reminds for the umpteenth time.

Wonpil rolls his eyes.

“Yes, I know, helicopter parent.”

Brian grins, then shouts down the hall toward where Sungjin’s already lifting Dowoon up over his head.

“Bye, Woonie! I love you, be a good boy for your uncles, okay?”

Dowoon smiles big at him, waving his tiny hand from where he’s now perched securely on Sungjin’s shoulder.

“Love you, Appa! I will!”

Brian smiles fondly as Dowoon giggles, until Wonpil tuts at him once more.

“Fine, I’m leaving! Bye, Pil, thanks again.”

“Of course, Bri.”

They hug, and Brian leaves.

Back at his apartment, Brian makes sure everything’s prepared.

Wine chilled? _Yep._

Steak and lobster cooked and ready to be plated? _Mm-mm._

Jazzy mood music? _Hell yeah._

Brian runs by the mirror to make sure he doesn’t look too frazzled- straightens the collar of his black button down and adjusts several strands of his carefully coiffed hair- before deeming himself presentable enough.

_Or maybe…_

He squints at his reflection.

Undoes another button on his shirt.

_Is three buttons too slutty?_

Before he can decide, the doorbell rings.

Brian shrugs before heading to the door.

 _Being a little slutty never hurt_.

He opens the door to find Jae looking nervous but resplendent in a maroon button down and light wash jeans. His hands are in his pockets, but Brian can tell, as always, that he’s messed with his hair before remembering he’d put mousse in it.

“Hey,” Brian says, drinking in the sight of Jae’s collarbones and his smooth, milky skin accentuated by the dark, sensual red of his shirt.

“Hey yourself,” Jae says.

Brian drags his eyes up Jae’s long, graceful neck to meet the warm, brown eyes behind those signature round frames.

 _His cheeks are turning pink_ , Brian notes with interest.

And because Brian can’t help himself, he leans in to kiss Jae softly and chastely, feels the comforting softness of Jae’s beautiful lips. This close, he can smell Jae’s cologne, something kind of cinnamon-y and spicy in a pleasant way. 

“You smell good,” Brian murmurs, leaning back.

“Since you guys roasted me for my other cologne, I thought I’d try something new,” Jae responds.

He’s definitely blushing now.

“It’s nice,” Brian says with a small smirk.

He takes Jae by the hand and pulls him into the apartment.

“What? Are we not eating out?”

“No, I have something prepared.”

“Where’re Dowoon and Junhyeok?” Jae asks, obviously confused.

“Actually… Dowoon’s with Wonpil and Sungjin... For the night,” Brian says, glancing at Jae’s face to gauge his reaction.

Jae’s mouth drops slightly open.

The flush deepens, painting his cheeks and the bridge of his nose a nice shade of rose.

“Oh.”

Brian grins and leads him to the kitchen.

He seats Jae at the already-set table and instructs him to close his eyes.

“No peeking.”

He checks to make sure Jae does as he says before preparing the food.

“Are you going to give me a lap dance?” Jae jokes.

“You wish,” Brian snorts. “No, I’m giving you something better.”

Brian places the plates of beautifully garnished steak and lobster on the placemats, sets the chilled wine next to their glasses, then gleefully says, “Open your eyes.”

Jae does, and Brian grins as the man’s eyes widen.

“You’re right, this is _way_ better than a lap dance.”

When they’ve heartily consumed their meal (Jae declaring it the best meal he’s ever had, Brian stating that’s what he’d said about his last homecooked meal) and are halfway through finishing the wine, Brian’s nerves start to kick in.

He fiddles with the neck of his wine glass before deciding he’s had enough, setting it down. He collects their empty plates and silverware and transports them to the sink.

Considering whether to wash the dishes now or later (but aware that he’s trying to stall), he slowly lowers them into the basin.

“What’re you thinking so hard about?” Jae’s voice comes from right behind him.

Startled, Brian drops the dishes with a noisy clatter.

“Shit, sorry,” Jae apologizes.

“No, you’re fine, I… um…“

Brian turns to face the man and finds himself unable to look him in the eye. He settles for staring instead at Jae’s defined collarbones.

Jae lifts a slender finger to poke in between his brows.

“Y’know, Dowoon does that too,” Jae comments.

“What?”

“He furrows his brows when he’s thinking too hard.”

Jae caresses Brian’s brow with the soft pad of his thumb, and Brian feels his face relax.

_I can trust Jae._

Two months ago, Brian would never have imagined this- having Jae in his life, accepting him and Dowoon with aplomb and awkward but adorable humor.

Though the man hasn’t explicitly said so, Brian knows Jae cares deeply for him- for both him and Dowoon- and he wants to let Jae in fully, to let Jae know that his feelings aren’t one-sided.

_I want Jae to stay._

Brian catches Jae’s hand as he lowers it, brings it to his cheek and feels the warmth against his skin.

“I have something to tell you.”

He looks up into Jae’s brown eyes hesitantly.

Jae grins.

“What, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

Brian breaks into laughter and punches his shoulder.

“You’re the worst.”

They end up on the couch, side by side.

Brian tries not to, but he’s nervous, so he leans against Jae and starts fiddling with the cuff of his sleeve.

Jae chuckles.

“What?” he asks defensively.

“You get touchy when you’re nervous.”

Brian moves to separate himself, but Jae wraps a firm arm around him and brings him in even closer.

“Tell me what’s on your mind,” Jae suggests gently.

Brian hesitates.

Now that they’re finally doing this, he doesn’t quite know how to say it.

“You’ve… probably… been wondering about Dowoon’s mom…?” Brian starts choppily, side-eyeing Jae for a reaction.

Jae shrugs.

“Well, yeah.”

The casual, easy admission causes something in Brian to loosen.

They’re grownups.

 _Brian’s_ a grownup now.

He can do this.

“Sorry I haven’t exactly been forthcoming… I just… it’s kind of hard to talk about, it happened so long ago that it doesn’t even matter anymore, but at the same time it matters a lot, you know?”

Jae nods, but doesn’t say anything, caressing Brian’s shoulder with his hand.

Brian goes on, reassured.

“I met her when I was a trainee. I’d been there five years already, training non-stop. We’d been practicing as a band, composing our own songs, but every song we ran by management was rejected. Every single time. Probably over a hundred songs.”

Jae makes an impressed sound in the back of his throat.

“We were starting to lose hope. We all knew that if we couldn’t get them to approve something by the end of the year, we would be disbanded. My parents were urging me to go back to school to get a degree, saying that I should start thinking about real life again…”

On his shoulder, Jae’s finger starts tracing patterns that Brian tries to follow.

_A circle, a star…_

“Part of our thing was that we’d busk around the city to get live audience feedback, and we’d already gathered a small following of maybe… 20 people? I know, we were _so_ popular,” Brian chuckles.

Jae hums and admits, “I think I had seven followers on my YouTube channel. And one of them was my mom.”

Brian laughs and lays his head on Jae’s chest, grabs his other hand to intertwine their fingers.

“This girl, Ayeon, was one of them. Since day one, she’d been really forward toward me, coming up and talking to me, saying she liked our music and that she was cheering for us- for me, specifically. Sometimes she’d even ask me out. She seemed nice enough, but I always rejected her advances since I was trying to focus on music…”

He takes a deep breath.

“But by the end, I was losing hope. I thought, ‘Well fuck it. I’m never going to debut anyways. Why not live a little?’ So, after the next gig, I waited for her to come over. She asked, and I said yes. We dated, things were going fine… and then…”

_I love you, Brian. Can’t you see that? I’ve been with you since the beginning, why won’t you just let me in? I love you._

He closes his eyes.

Sees Ayeon’s face- young and beautiful and innocent- staring back at him, leading him along.

He’d thought he’d understood.

_I love you too, Ayeon. I just…_

_Just what? If you really loved me, you wouldn’t be hesitating._

“She convinced me to have sex with her. We hadn’t till that point, since I wasn’t sure… I didn’t know if we’d last… but she said she loved me. And I thought the misplaced faith I’d had in her was love, as well.”

Jae’s fingers pause where they were in the middle of tracing a swirl on Brian’s arm.

“I was stupid. What she loved wasn’t me, but the idea of dating someone who might be famous one day... The day after, not wanting to hide it anymore, I told her management was going to disband us, and she freaked out. She… she screamed at me, told me this wasn’t what she signed up for, and left right then and there.”

_Liar! Liar! You fucking liar!_

_Ayeon’s pretty face, twisted in fury, as she slammed the door behind her._

_Slammed the door shut on Brian’s heart._

But what had stuck and festered in Brian’s heart the most about the night- the thing that had kept him up for countless nights afterward, the thing that still sometimes brushes across his mind and haunts him occasionally- had not been the screaming or the verbal blows, but the fact that on Ayeon’s face, there hadn’t been one single tear.

Absolutely no sign that any of it had ever been real.

Brian’s long since made peace with his situation, so much so that his voice barely wavers when he talks, and the sentences fall from his lips as though he were reciting ancient history. Yet, within himself, he feels the familiar clenching of his gut, the usual self-deprecation kicked up like dust in a storm.

“I didn’t hear from her after that. She just disappeared. A year later, she somehow tracked me down in my new apartment, didn’t say anything in explanation, only shoved a baby in my arms and told me I was the dad. And she left again... Just like that. She left me alone, with a baby...”

It was so long ago, yet Brian still remembers the feelings he’d endured- the confusion, the anger, the guilt, and above all, the overwhelming disappointment in himself.

“I was 24. I’d just given up on my dream of becoming an idol, I had no job still... I’m so thankful that my parents supported me every step of the way,” Brian finishes, exhaling slowly.

There’s a long pause.

It’s then that Brian realizes he’s clutching Jae’s hand quite tightly, so he quickly releases it with a muttered apology.

But Jae grabs it again and says, voice shaking, “ _Don’t be sorry, Bri. Not ever_.”

Brian looks up and realizes Jae is _angry_.

“ _Fuck her_ ,” he says with venom. “ _Fuck her_ for leaving you, _fuck her_ for leaving Dowoon and not caring enough to raise him. _Fuck her_ for playing with your heart like that.”

Brian softens, caressing the back of Jae’s hand to calm him.

“She was young, too,” he says quietly. “She probably didn’t know how to deal with having a baby out of wedlock.”

“ _Still_ ,” Jae insists. “She left behind two of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and made them feel like they were unwanted and unloved. She told you she loved you and _lied._ ”

Brian finds himself chuckling.

Not because the situation is funny, but because he realizes that without it, he wouldn’t be where he is now.

With Dowoon.

And with Jae.

And because of that, he might even be thankful for it.

“Jae, it was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t-“

Brian disentangles their hands, turns around and places his knees on either side of Jae’s lap, leans his hands on the back of the couch so he’s encasing this wonderful, beautiful man in his arms.

“It doesn’t matter because I have _you_ now. It’s the present that matters. So… Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking a chance with me,” Brian says.

Jae looks up at him, fury fading from his graceful features.

He cups Jae’s cheeks, strokes along those high cheekbones with his thumbs and looks into the eyes of the man he’s falling in love with.

“Thank you, Jae.”

They kiss, a tentative brushing of soft, tender skin.

“Just to be clear, though, I still think this Ayeon person was a complete jackass.”

Brian breaks into laughter.

“I’ve never heard her described quite that way, but yes, I agree,” he says.

He leans their foreheads together, wanting to be close, to feel Jae’s heat.

Jae breathes in deeply and tenses.

“Brian… I think I lov-“

Brian surges into him, interrupting him.

“I don’t want you to tell me,” he whispers against Jae’s lips. “Show me instead?”

Jae nods, pulling him in closer so they’re flush against each other.

And then they’re slipping, sliding down the steep slope they’ve been climbing all this time.

They kiss again and again, delving deeper and deeper each time until their worlds consist of tongues sliding and teeth clacking together, and Brian held close in Jae’s big hands. They’re panting, breathing in each other’s air and tongues and lips.

_Finally._

Brian feels the flame build in him, a slow flickering glow that he’s not scared of this time, that he wants to see erupt into a blaze that will consume him whole.

This time, Brian doesn’t back away.

He runs straight into it.

This time, when Jae wraps his arms around his waist and draws him closer, Brian allows himself to be pulled in, lets his moans be heard, lets the arousal build.

Jae groans against his mouth, then separates their frantic lips to lean his head against Brian’s chest, effectively stopping him from leaning in again.

Brian whimpers, not wanting to stop.

“Brian,” he pants. “Bri... Are you sure you want to do this? If we’re going to stop, we have to stop now, or I swear I’m going to go crazy.”

He tilts his head up, looking just as desperate as Brian feels.

Brian smiles sheepishly.

“Sorry, I know I’ve been kind of a tease…”

“The _biggest_ fucking tease I’ve ever met,” complains Jae.

Laughing, Brian drags his ass along the front of Jae’s jeans, where he can feel the hardening ridge of Jae’s arousal pressing against the fabric.

“ _Seriously, Bri, don’t._ ”

Brian moans as Jae’s fingers dig into his thighs, halting his movement.

“I’m serious, Bri-“

“I’m serious, too, Jae.”

Brian looks into Jae’s eyes and brings a hand to his face, strokes along the skin of his cheek and revels in the rough pinpricks of stubble along his jaw.

“Jae, I want to do this with you. I want you to have all of me. And I want… I want all of you, too,” Brian finishes, flush prominent in his cheeks.

He yelps as Jae surges forward, causing him to lose his balance and flop sideways onto the couch.

Then he laughs as Jae kisses him like an overeager puppy, lapping at his lips and neck and ears.

“God, Bri, you have no idea how much I’ve wanted you.”

Brian looks up at him fondly.

“I think I have _some_ idea.”

Jae connects their lips once more, and then there’s no stopping them as lips meet gleeful lips over and over and over again.

Jae dips his hips down and their clothed erections slide deliciously together.

Brian gasps and moans, clawing at Jae’s waist to bring him closer.

Jae grinds down again, and Brian throws his head back in ecstasy.

 _It’s been so damn long_.

“Bri, you look so fucking amazing.”

Jae brings his gorgeous, slender fingers to his throat, traces the sensitive skin down his neck toward his chest.

“You have no clue how much I wanted to jump you when you opened the door earlier. _God, you in black is really…_ ”

Jae undoes the buttons one by one, revealing more and more of his chest as he goes down, and Brian arches up into the light touches, wanting more.

“Jae… I want you,” Brian says, squirming a little as Jae strokes his nipple then rolls it between thumb and forefinger. “ _Mmm, Jae-_ “

“How do you want me?”

The look in Jae’s eyes is dark, consuming, and fierce, and Brian wants to give himself over completely.

He’s thought about this moment more than he cares to admit and knows he’s ready.

“I… I want you inside me,” Brian admits, feeling heat light up his face.

It’s been so long since he’s been with a man, but Brian wants to give himself wholly to Jae.

 _Needs_ to show Jae how much he wants him.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind either way.”

Something in Jae’s face shifts, and he looks worried.

“Yeah, I’m sure… Unless… Do you want the other way?” Brian asks, suddenly unsure himself.

“No!” Jae exclaims. “No, I- I mean, I’m open to trying anything, Bri, but like. Have you seen your ass in skinny jeans?”

Brian laughs. “Well then, should we get on with it?”

He drags Jae forward by the collar of his shirt and drags his teeth along Jae’s plump lower lip in an open-mouthed kiss, grinning wickedly when Jae groans.

“Like I said, the biggest tease ever.”

Jae continues his mission of divesting Brian of his shirt, quickly finishing with the buttons and immediately diving in to lick and bite at Brian’s nipples, at the soft skin of his belly, down toward his pelvis.

Moaning, Brian arches up into the touches, feeling himself strain against his pants.

“ _Please, Jae_ ,” he moans.

“Already begging, are we?” Jae says with a smirk.

Defiantly, Brian lifts his knee toward Jae’s crotch and strokes with slow pressure along the length of his hard-on.

Jae breathes out harshly, swearing, hips stuttering against Brian’s leg.

Brian grins.

“It’s war now,” Jae states, completely serious.

He quickly undoes Brian’s jeans and peels them from his legs.

He runs long, smooth fingers up the full length of Brian’s legs, stopping right at the swell of his thighs, at the line of his black boxer briefs.

Brian whines and shifts his hips.

“Jesus, Bri, you’re so fucking sexy.”

Jae runs his fingers under his briefs and along the crease where his thighs meet his crotch.

The touch _burns_ , alights every nerve in Brian’s body on fire, and he moans unabashedly.

“God, you sound amazing.”

Jae digs his thumbs in with pressure that’s just shy of too hard against his tender, sensitive skin, and Brian can feel himself leak through the thin cotton of his underwear.

“ _Jae- more, please-_ “

Jae brings his face close to Brian’s crotch, mouths along his briefs, and chuckles lowly when Brian tries to buck up into his face.

“Tsk, tsk, only good boys get rewarded,” he chides lowly.

The way Jae’s eyes glint behind his glasses and the way his voice sounds huskier with arousal makes something in Brian’s belly flip sideways.

And Brian’s always been something of a sucker for dirty talk, so he can only whimper as Jae takes the head of his cock in his mouth.

Through the thin fabric, Brian can feel the heat of Jae’s mouth in the form of moist breaths, and the sight of Jae’s plump, pink lips _there_ is enough to make him leak uncontrollably.

Jae licks him teasingly once more before letting go of his dick and pulling his briefs from his hips.

Fully naked, Brian looks up at Jae, who’s still fully clothed.

He tugs at Jae’s sleeve in an attempt to get him to strip, but Jae smirks and gets off the couch completely, towering over him.

Brian feels so fucking shameless and sexy and _horny_ as Jae drags his eyes along Brian’s bare body, toes to thighs to heaving chest to flushed face.

“You’re so beautiful, Bri.”

“ _So, fuck me._ ”

“So, come to bed,” Jae says with a smirk, pulling his shirt off over his head without even bothering to unbutton it and heading toward the direction of Brian’s bedroom with the sexiest glance over his shoulder Brian’s ever seen.

Brian successfully rids Jae of his belt and pants by pinning him in the hallway, and then Jae’s chasing him into the bedroom, both of them giggling and stark naked.

Brian ends up on the bed on his back, watching as Jae coats those long, sexy fingers in copious amounts of lube.

“I think that’s enough, Jae,” he says dryly.

“I don’t want it to hurt,” Jae responds.

“I’ve been with men before, I kind of like the pain,” Brian says with a sly grin.

Jae’s expression darkens.

“You really know how to play with a man’s feelings.”

Brian shifts on the bed, pulls his arms over his head tantalizingly and gives Jae the bedroom eyes he’s been told could light a stone on fire.

“Jealous?”

Brian’s teasing turns into a gasp as Jae circles his sensitive opening with a slick finger.

“ _Very._ ”

Jae slides his other hand along Brian’s thigh, caressing it reverently, before pushing it up so Brian’s leg is bent at the knee. Leaning down, Jae licks his way along Brian’s perineum, sending pleasurable tingles down Brian’s spine at the same time as he pushes his finger in, and Brian groans.

“Is this okay?”

“More than okay,” Brian pants.

He feels Jae sink further in and reacquaints himself with the feeling of his ass being penetrated.

Jae pumps slowly in and out a couple times, and Brian reminds himself to breathe.

“Faster,” he urges.

Jae complies, and Brian moans as the motion causes Jae to thrust deeper, closer to his sweet spot.

“Jae, _oh please_ , _fuck_ -“

He squirms as Jae inserts another finger beside the first, the stretch widening his walls and burning pleasurably.

Jae mouths a slow route along Brian’s dick, tonguing the balls and licking base to tip, and Brian tries to muffle his wanton moans with a forearm.

“No, I want to hear you,” Jae says, releasing Brian’s cock with a pop and coming up to intertwine their fingers, pinning Brian’s arm back over his head.

With his leg now propped on Jae’s shoulder, arm held down, and speared so pleasurably on Jae’s fingers, he’s completely at Jae’s mercy.

The thought makes Brian spurt a little onto his stomach, cock rock hard.

He feels safe and helpless at the same time, completely trusting Jae to give him the pleasure he so desperately desires.

Jae adds another finger, then flicks, teases, and pumps in and out of him until he’s whimpering and moaning and begging to be filled, until his prostate is so abused that he’s afraid he’ll come from Jae’s fingers alone.

“Jae, I want you in me, _now-_ “

Jae kisses him, shutting him up with a tongue licking along the roof of his mouth, and Brian is so, _so_ in love.

Jae puts the condom on and then he’s lining himself up flush with Brian’s entrance.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Jae asks again, concern lining his boyish features.

His glasses are slipping down his nose and Brian thinks it’s charming.

“I swear, if you ask me that one more time- _hnngh-_ “

Brian’s cut off as Jae breaches his hole, the stretch wider than any fingers.

It _burns_ , licks up Brian’s nerves in a way that’s both uncomfortable and delightful at once.

He tries to stay still as Jae pushes in further, inhales steadily and relaxes himself.

When Jae’s all the way in, pressed balls deep and tip teasing his prostate, Brian’s fuller than he’s ever been in his entire life.

The thought has him pulsing sticky trails onto his stomach.

“You can move,” he whispers.

Nodding, Jae moves his hips back, sliding so just the tip is left in Brian, then pumps in again, deliberate and firm.

Brian moans helplessly as each movement rubs delicious friction along his insides.

Jae picks up the speed, and the repeated slide of his cock against Brian’s walls has him mewling shamelessly.

“ _Jae, that feels so good, mmm- Jae-“_

Jae presses in hard at that moment, pushing in as far as possible and stays there, keeping the hard tip of his cock pressed right up against Brian’s prostate.

Brian can’t keep himself from moaning so loud it’s a near scream.

Wiggling his hips to try to get Jae to move, Brian pants as the motion drags swollen flesh against his prostate, and he rolls his eyes back to look at the ceiling.

“You look so good like that, Bri.”

Brian whimpers, feels his cock bob against his stomach, smearing sticky fluid everywhere.

“Jae, _please_ ,” he whispers desperately.

Jae abruptly pulls out and pushes back in, and then he’s fucking Brian like their lives depend on it- alternating between slow, even thrusts and wild, rough motions that have Brian sobbing with delirious pleasure.

When Jae leans in close to kiss him, folding Brian in two and pressing deeper into him than ever before, Brian tips over the edge, coming with a force so strong he nearly blacks out, mind completely overtaken by pleasure.

Brian groans into Jae’s mouth as he comes endlessly, dirtying his chest and stomach with sticky ropes of cum.

Brian feels Jae let go too, feels Jae’s hips stutter against him, feels heated panting against his ear, and he gasps at the sensation.

Jae collapses against him, warm and solid and sweaty, and there’s a buzzing in Brian’s veins he’s never experienced before.

The two of them stay wrapped around each other despite the heat- sweaty and gross, but together.

Brian is sated in the aftermath of pleasure, but as his breath evens out and his awareness returns, he can’t ignore the sinking in the pit of his stomach.

With his head curled up against Jae’s front, it’s easy enough to hide his face.

He places a shaky hand over Jae’s chest; it rises and falls with each breath, and the thrumming of the man's heartbeat under his fingertips is steadily slowing.

_It’ll be okay… it’ll be fine…_

“Bri, are you okay?”

Jae leans back a bit and lifts Brian’s chin with a gentle finger.

He brings the brightest grin he can muster to his face.

“Yeah, never better.”

Jae gives him a searching look, and for a moment Brian can’t breathe.

 _I’m being stupid_.

He kisses Jae, shaking the thoughts from his head.

When he leans back, Jae’s smiling, and he smiles back.

Later that night, after they’ve showered and dressed in clean clothes (Brian lending Jae some comfortable bottoms and a t-shirt), Brian stares at Jae’s sleeping form, memorizing his features- the peaceful curve of his chin, the innocence of his boyish face, the way his brownish-blond hair falls over his eyes, now unobstructed by glasses.

Brian looks at Jae for as long as possible, till sleep claims him, dragging him down fitfully into oblivion.


	7. I Won't Give Up On Us

Brian wakes to sunlight streaming in through the cracks in his curtains, lighting the room with a soft glow.

 _It must be close to midday with how bright it is_ , he thinks.

Closing his eyes to shut out the light, he rolls over, feeling his muscles stretch and twinge in protest after yesterday’s activities.

_… Yesterday?_

He stiffens as he remembers.

Without even opening his eyes, he knows.

Can’t hear a sound other than his own; can’t feel the warmth of someone next to him.

His breath quickens against his will and his eyes start to sting under clenched eyelids.

 _No, you’re just being an idiot_ , he tells himself. _Jae’s probably in the living room._

He forces his eyes open.

His heart twists painfully.

As he’d expected, next to him, the bed is empty.

The clothes he’d lent Jae to sleep in are neatly folded and placed on the dresser.

The silence permeating the apartment is oppressive.

He rolls upright and gets to his feet.

_You’re leaping to conclusions. He’s here._

Walking down the hall, he notes that the clothes that he’d so feverishly stripped from Jae’s body are nowhere to be found.

When he gets to the living room, Brian’s own divested clothes have been politely folded and placed on the couch.

The kitchen and bathroom are empty, and it’s clear there’s no one here except himself.

He didn’t want to believe it could be possible.

But…

_Jae…_

Shaking, he realizes he can’t see any more, tears rapidly flooding his vision and turning everything into a blurry, distorted mess in front of him.

His legs weaken and he slides down against the wall.

“Fuck… _fuck_ …” he whispers into his hands, voice choked up. “Stop crying, _stop_!”

Desperately, he wipes at his face, at the tears now springing from his eyes in torrents.

His cries are tearing from his throat in horrible, heaving sobs, and he feels so fucking pathetic.

_How could he-?_

_How could I believe-?_

He shakes his head.

“You’re so stupid, Bri, so _fucking_ stupid!”

He curls up in a ball, knees to chest, head in hands, and cries.

He’s sobbing so hard he doesn’t register the sound of the door opening, of a bag being dropped, of someone running toward him.

“Oh my god, Bri, what happened? Are you okay?”

Big, cool hands curl around his own and Brian’s heart stops for a beat.

_No, it can’t be._

“Bri…?”

He cries harder at that voice- that charming, husky, sweet voice- in his ear.

“ _Jae_ …” he wails.

He throws himself into Jae’s solid chest, buries his face into Jae’s shirt.

Jae holds him tight, strokes his back and head and neck with soft, cool fingers, quiets him with soft words whispered in his ears.

“Bri, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here…”

“ _D-don’t leave… don’t leave me…_ ” he whimpers.

“Shh, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here, Bri,” Jae soothes, clutching him close.

Brian takes deep, rattling breaths into his lungs, trying to even his inhalations.

_God, I’m such an idiot._

He laughs hopelessly, the sound mixing with his sobs into a hiccup that tears at his chest.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid…_

He curls his fingers into the soft fabric of Jae’s shirt.

Desperately trying to quiet himself, he finds solace in how Jae rubs circles along his back and the way the scent of cinnamon still lingers on his skin.

_Jae’s here… Jae’s still here… He didn’t leave…_

He focuses harder on dragging deep, even breaths into his lungs.

Eventually, he thinks he’s calmed enough to speak without sounding like a mess.

“I-I’m sorry,” Brian says quietly, voice muffled in Jae’s chest. “I was being stupid, I just-“

“Hey,” Jae interrupts softly, bringing Brian’s face up. Brian tries to resist, but Jae cups his cheeks with gentle, firm hands and rubs the tears from them. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.”

He kisses Brian chastely, then leans their foreheads together.

“I… I thought you left,” Brian admits, closing his eyes. “When I saw your stuff was gone, my mind just leapt to that, and… I don’t know why I was so worried, I just- it was dumb-“

“No, _no_ , Bri, it wasn’t,” Jae consoles him. “I’m the one who should be sorry, I fucked up. I should’ve waited till you woke up, but it was getting late and I thought you’d be starving, so I went out to get food, and, god, I’m so sorry…”

More rational now, Brian realizes Jae’s got a bag of fried chicken with him- the tantalizing smell of oil, salt, and spices wafting through the air- and his stomach growls loudly between them.

They both crack up.

“God, I’m such a mood killer,” Brian jokes, voice still thick with tears.

“It happens,” Jae says with a shrug. “You should see me after a client meeting.”

Brian snorts.

“I’m sorry, really,” Brian apologizes again, shaking his head when Jae starts to protest. “It’s been so long since I’ve let someone in… so long since I’ve cared about someone as much as I do for you, that I just let myself be terrified for no reason.”

Jae kisses the tip of his nose.

“You can trust me.”

“I know.”

 _You’re here. You’re staying_.

Mortified, Brian buries his face back into Jae’s shirt.

“Now feed me chicken.”

Brian realizes, as Jae’s bright, loud laugh sounds in his ears, that he’s found his person.

“Hey, Bri.”

“Yeah?”

Brian looks up with big eyes, chicken thigh already halfway inhaled in his mouth, and Jae can’t help but blink at the man’s natural cuteness.

Brian’s still in his pajamas- a loose, black Metallica t-shirt and thin, grey bottoms. The collar of his shirt is stretched from frequent use and dips dangerously low on his chest. Jae’s face heats as he takes in the sight of a hickey he’d no doubt left last night below the man’s collarbone.

_Don’t get distracted._

His frowns, remembering the sight of this gorgeous, independent man curled up on the floor, crying and believing he was alone.

_He trusted me with his past, and I can’t believe I didn’t even think twice about stepping out that door this morning, didn’t stop to consider what he might interpret from my absence…_

He clears his throat.

“You know I’m not going to leave, right? I mean- the only way you’re going to get rid of me at this point is if you ask me to go, point blank, and even then, I’ll fight you! Like, not _physically_ fight you, but you know… you know what I mean?”

He finishes weakly, stumbling over his words but hopeful at the grin that’s overtaking Brian’s face.

“Yeah,” Brian says simply. “I got you.”

Jae feels Brian intertwine their ankles under the table, and a rush of giddy warmth floods him.

Embarrassed, Jae takes a sip of water, hoping it’ll calm his racing heart.

He chokes, sputtering water everywhere, as Brian’s foot runs teasingly up his leg toward his crotch.

“ _Bri!_ ”

Brian doubles over in laughter, and Jae laughs too, happy to see _him_ happy.

After their night together, Jae senses a shift in their relationship.

For one thing, Brian seems to be more relaxed, having finally admitted things that Jae realizes he must have been stewing over for a while.

Not that he hadn’t been relaxed before, it’s just that now, he seems more… _free_.

He no longer gives Jae intense, troubled stares, no longer breaks off mid-sentence when he’s about to say something he thinks he shouldn’t, no longer pulls away when they’re together intimately.

And, well, that brings Jae to the other thing that’s changed- Brian seems to have made it his personal mission to sexually arouse Jae at every possible opportunity.

While Brian’s always been touchy throughout their relationship, Jae now finds that the man can’t seem to _stop_ touching him. Heated kisses, wandering hands, that sultry gaze that Brian _knows_ Jae can’t resist thrown his way… The man’s driving him insane at every opportunity.

One time, Jae had been doing the dishes after dinner (Dowoon thankfully at a classmate’s house for a playdate), and Brian had come up from behind and teased him, starting with kisses peppered along the nape of his neck, a mischievous hand sliding across his chest, drawing slow circles along his stomach, down to his crotch, then finally, _finally-_ after Jae had begged for more, fingers wrapped around his stiffening length, pumping until he was tensing and jerking from completion.

Other times, Brian decided to get frisky in riskier places, sliding a hand beneath his shirt and running light fingers along the crease of his ass, as they sat on Wonpil and Sungjin’s couch for movie night. (Jae eventually had to excuse himself to the restroom, citing stomach pain as Brian grinned wickedly up at him from beneath lidded eyes.)

Now, though, Brian’s over at Jae’s place, lips attacking his neck as he tries and fails to keep his composure.

“Bri- _mm-_ god, you’re crazy,” Jae laughs throatily as his boyfriend runs a slick tongue over his Adam’s apple.

They’re on Jae’s old leather couch, having decided to stay in for date night rather than go out.

“It’s not my fault you’re so sexy,” retorts Brian, slipping his tongue between Jae’s lips and flicking it pleasurably along the roof of his mouth.

Jae groans, curling his hand around Brian’s hip.

And this is why he rarely ever stops Brian’s advances, and in fact, rather relishes them, because they show how much Brian _wants_ him, a revelation that continually blows Jae’s mind.

“Just hold on a sec, Bri-“ Jae gets out, determined to accomplish what he’d been about to do before Brian had distracted him.

Brian leans his thigh down to put pressure on Jae’s crotch, and Jae moans as pleasure shoots through his nerves.

“ _Fuck,_ Bri… Bri, really wait, I have something I want to say-“

“I’m listening,” Brian murmurs.

He’s kissing his way down Jae’s chest and Jae fidgets at the arousal bubbling through his veins.

It’s clear Brian has no intention of stopping any time soon.

Huffing in amused exasperation, Jae decides to take control of the situation, rearing up from where he’s lying on the couch to flip their positions. He grabs a hold of Brian’s wrists, taking advantage of his surprise, and pins him to the couch.

Brian blinks up at him; sensual, predatory panther reduced to a blushing kitten.

“I want to give you my key,” Jae says, slightly out of breath but glad he’s finally gotten the words out.

Brian just blinks some more, obviously confused.

“What key?” he asks.

“The key… to my apartment,” Jae answers, nervously licking his lips.

He releases his hold on Brian’s wrists to pull it out of his back pocket. He’s even attached a little keychain to it, knowing Brian hates carrying around bags of any kind and hoping it might be less easy to lose.

“I mean- you don’t have to use it, of course, but like- I know sometimes you get off work earlier than I do, and I don’t want you to have to wait around like that one time- and I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want to… take it…?”

Jae trails off, not sure what to make of Brian’s expression.

His expression is flat, emotionless, and Jae doesn’t know what to do with this reaction.

“Uhh- forget it-“ Jae starts to freak out, retracting his hand with the key and sitting back on his haunches.

Brian breaks into a wide grin then, catching his wrist before he gets too far, and the abrupt change leaves Jae’s mind whirling.

“Fuck you, I can’t believe you beat me to it,” Brian complains, reaching into the front pocket of his jeans and digging out his own key.

“ _Oh my god, fuck you!”_ Jae cries, burying his face in his hands.

Brian’s laughing now, coming up to encircle Jae in a hug.

“Why do you always have to give me a heart attack,” Jae bemoans.

“It’s fun teasing you,” Brian shrugs with a smirk. “Now hand it over, lover boy.”

Jae blushes as they swap keys, knowing full well the significance of the exchange.

Brian grins, pocketing Jae’s key, before attacking him with a kiss.

Jae lets himself fall onto his back, gazing up at this beautiful man above him.

“Let’s get back on track, shall we?” Brian asks, lips tilting wickedly.

Jae chuckles.

“You’re insatiable.”

“Maybe.”

Brian climbs into his lap, grinding sexily on top of him.

Jae brings his hands to Brian’s body, caressing the swell of his hips and waist.

He has a thought, remembering what Wonpil had told him about Brian’s previous relationships.

“You were holding back again, weren’t you?”

Brian tilts his head, grinding slowly along the length of Jae’s hardening cock. Jae groans.

“What do you mean?”

“Wonpil said you’d never waited so long to have sex, which means you’re usually like- like this, then?” Jae asks, gesturing to Brian, who’s now pulling his shirt over his head.

Brian pauses, hair sticking up in tufts as his head emerges from the fabric.

“Oh.”

He stops moving atop Jae.

“Is it- am I being too much? Should I tone it down?” he asks, worry crossing his features.

“No! _No,_ I mean, I love it,” Jae reassures, hands coming up to caress the soft skin of Brian’s waist. “And I think you’re the sexiest person ever, I just wondered if… if there’s anything else you haven’t been telling me- any secret obsessions with, I don’t know, _Say Yes to the Dress_ or something?”

Brian barks out a laugh, sharp features relaxing.

“Does a secret Minecraft server count?”

Jae breaks into a giggle. “Are you serious?”

Brian leans down to kiss him. “Yeah, but I’ll let you join, if you actually get around to fucking me in the next five minutes.”

Jae laughs. “Deal. Anything else?”

Brian hums, playful twinkle in his eye. “Nothing else… except that I love you.”

Jae’s heart thuds into his throat, and his face blooms crimson.

“Bri…”

Jae curls his hand around Brian’s neck to bring him into a deep, passionate kiss, pressing over and over again with the drag of lips and tongue.

“Bri, I love you too.”

Brian’s feline eyes gaze into his with so much emotion swimming in them, so much _love_ in them that Jae feels like he can’t breathe.

That night, they make love for hours, a slow-building crescendo of pleasure- tangled limbs, sultry kisses, and the heated press of bodies coming as one together.


	8. Giving You All My Love

“I want to do something for him,” Jae says out of nowhere, tapping his pen against his lips in contemplation.

Wonpil glances over in amusement but keeps typing.

“What kind of something?”

“That’s the problem. I don’t know,” Jae sighs.

“What’s the occasion?” Sungjin asks.

Jae pauses.

“There’s not one, really… I just want to do something nice for him, I guess.”

It’s not that there’s really an occasion, but rather a sentiment behind what Jae wants to do for Brian. In spite of the fact that they’re now in a committed and thriving relationship together, Jae somehow still feels a sense of uneasiness, some nagging feeling that he’s still got something left to prove.

Even though Brian had been adamant that his distress after their first night together was solely his fault, Jae still harbors his own thoughts about it. He’d _known_ Brian was acting weird before they fell asleep that night, had _known_ there was something wrong, but due to his own stupidity, hadn’t been able to prevent himself from hurting the man he loves.

Every time after that, whenever they’ve stayed at each other’s places, Jae’s made sure to wait till Brian’s awake to get out of bed, or if he’d needed to go, made sure to leave some conspicuous sign of his presence- a shirt or a wallet on the nightstand to reassure Brian he’d be back.

They’ve exchanged clothes and items often enough now that Jae’s got a small stash of Brian’s clothes at his place, and Brian keeps a spare toothbrush and pajamas for Jae.

And yet… the nagging feeling continues, keeps on telling Jae that if he doesn’t do more, maybe Brian will lose interest. Maybe one day Brian will wake up and realize he’s not _really_ in love with Jae and had only _thought_ he was.

Everything right now just feels _too_ perfect.

Jae’s always been a pragmatist, and he figures that anything as perfect as their relationship right now can’t last forever. There’s bound to be _something_ that’ll shatter them apart.

Which is why Jae wants to nip it in the bud preemptively. He has to do something _perfect_ for Brian.

“It has to wow him,” Jae says, chewing on the pen cap.

“You could get him that game he’s been wanting,” Sungjin suggests.

“Nah, I’ve thought of that. It’s too mundane,” Jae sighs.

“Take him on a date somewhere?” Wonpil offers.

“But where?” Jae frowns. “We’ve gone _everywhere_ in the city. Museums, parks, all of that.”

“So then take him out of the city,” Sungjin says reasonably.

Jae perks up.

_That’s not bad._

“I hate you for thinking of that first,” he declares, throwing his pen down.

Sungjin snorts. “I hate that you’re an idiot.”

Jae ignores his friend, typing intently on his computer.

“There goes his productivity for the rest of the day,” laments Wonpil.

Sungjin shrugs. “It’s not like he was getting work done in the first place.”

As his friends snicker at him, Jae brings up google maps and looks up Seoul, zooming out until he can see the surrounding cities.

_Now the question is where…_

“Jae, what’s going on?”

Brian asks as soon as he steps in the door.

Jae looks up at his boyfriend and grins.

Brian looks good, even when tired.

His tie is halfway undone and flipped over the shoulder of his pale blue button down, which is rolled up at the sleeves, showing off strong forearms. He’s toeing out of his oxfords, khakis shifting over his curvy thighs with the motion.

“You look sexy as hell, that’s what’s going on,” Jae says, crossing the room to encircle Brian in his arms and into a kiss. “Hope you don’t mind that I let myself in.”

They make out for a hot second, Jae letting his tongue run eagerly along Brian’s and his hands dip down to cup the swell of Brian’s hips.

“ _Mmm, Jae_ , this is nice, but- _mm-_ tell me what’s going on,” Brian gets out in between kisses, laughing when Jae keeps swooping back in for more pecks.

He leans away when Jae shows no sign of stopping, placing a halting hand on Jae’s chest.

“Wonpil called and said he was picking up Dowoon…?”

Jae whines impatiently, trying to bring Brian in close again, but Brian stands firm, rendering his efforts fruitless.

He huffs playfully, pretending to pout, but can’t keep the smug grin off his face for long.

“I have a surprise for you.”

Brian looks intrigued.

“Oh? What kind of surprise?”

“One I think you’ll like very much.”

Jae grins and steps aside then to reveal the two neatly packed duffle bags behind him.

Brian blinks.

“… I don’t get it,” he says slowly.

“We’re going on a trip!” Jae reveals, unable to keep it in any longer.

Brian’s eyebrows shoot up beneath his bangs and his mouth drops open.

“Excuse me?”

“A trip!” Jae repeats, smiling broadly. “Over the weekend. Just you and me, babe.”

He winks for dramatic effect and snickers at the way Brian is opening and closing his mouth without a sound, like a guppy.

“Bu… But… Dowoon-“

“-is with Wonpil and Sungjin for the weekend. He’s ecstatic, trust me. And before you ask, yes, I packed all of his stuff; Wonpil gave me your list.”

“Even the-“

“-Pikachu slippers? Yes, Bri, don’t worry, I got it all covered.”

Brian’s eyes are blown wide and he looks like he’s overthinking again, so Jae pulls him in gently by the hips and says, “Bri. When was the last time you had a vacation?”

Brian’s face softens, but he still looks hesitant.

The chiming of a ringtone sounds out, interrupting them, and Brian fishes his cell out of his pocket.

Jae grins.

_Right on time._

“It’s Wonpil?”

He swipes the accept button, and Wonpil’s face appears on the screen.

“Hey, Bri!”

“Hey, Pil, is everything okay? Does Dowoon need me?” Brian asks, clearly worried.

Wonpil’s youthful face takes on a roguish expression.

He looks somewhere out of view of the camera and says, “I don’t know, Dowoonie, do you need your appa?”

The video swings over to Dowoon who looks defiantly at the screen and shouts, “I’m a big boy! I don’t need Appa!”

Jae bites his lip to stifle his laughter and glances over at Brian to gauge his reaction.

The corners of Brian’s lips are pulling up into that familiar, beautiful smile, and Jae thinks things might actually be going well.

"Oh? You don’t need me, huh?” Brian says, quirking a brow. “Should I let you live with Wonpil and Sungjin forever, then?”

Dowoon’s eyes go wide.

“N-not forever… I love Appa most!” Dowoon says, clearly panicking.

Brian’s grinning now. “I love you too, Dowoon-ah.”

“But Ahjussi’s said it’s ‘portant for grownups to have alone time, especially when they wanna be married,” Dowoon states solemnly.

Brian flushes a deep red.

“I- we’re not getting- who told you-“ he sputters helplessly.

“And your ahjussi’s are totally right, Dowoonie,” Jae butts in, leaning into the camera frame. “So you want your appa to go on vacation this weekend, yeah?”

Dowoon’s face brightens, tiny grin overtaking his face so that his chubby cheeks turn his eyes into half-moons. “Yeah! Appa works too hard. I want Appa to have fun, too!”

The declaration seems to hit Brian hard, as he stares at the screen without a word.

“… Appa?”

“Oh, God…”

Brian covers his face with a hand, looking like he’s tearing up.

“Are you crying?” Jae asks, startled.

“Fuck, no!” Brian swears loudly.

“Language! Dowoonie’s still here,” Jae chides, laughing.

“Why’s Appa crying? Are you hurt?” Dowoon says, tiny brows furrowed

“Brian’s crying?! I wanna see!” comes Wonpil’s voice through the phone.

“Oh my god, no, Pil-“

Brian shifts his phone so the camera points at the ceiling and hastily wipes at his eyes.

“I hate you,” he mutters with a glare at Jae.

Jae grins, kissing the side of Brian’s head.

Brian huffs before swinging the camera back to their faces.

“I’m not crying,” he says firmly. “Pil, I’m expecting hourly updates, okay? With pictures of Dowoon. No skipping any, or we’re coming straight back.”

Giddy relief floods through Jae at Brian’s indirect acceptance of the trip.

Wonpil rolls his eyes and looks down at Dowoon, who appears to have climbed into his lap. “Hear that Woonie? Your appa wants me to take pictures of you every hour, like a weirdo.”

Dowoon wrinkles his nose. “Appa’s a weirdo.”

“Yes, yes he is,” Wonpil says cheerfully, messing with the kid’s hair.

Brian makes an outraged noise. “What are you say-“

“Okay, guys!” Jae butts in, rearing to get on with the rest of his plan. “Since it seems like everything’s all sorted now, Brian and I should really get going.”

Brian shoots him a look that says he’s going to get his ass kicked once the call’s over, but he turns back to the screen to smile adoringly at his son.

“I love you, Dowoon-ah,” Brian says one last time. “Be a good boy, okay? Make sure you eat your vitamins, I’ll see you soon!”

“Okayy, love you, Appa!” Dowoon responds cheerfully, waving happily at the camera.

Brian isn’t making any move to end the call and just staring tenderly at his son’s face, so Jae reaches over to press the button for him.

Brian turns to protest with another withering look, but Jae captures his lips in a kiss before he can get a word out.

“Thanks for ambushing me, jerk,” Brian mutters when they break apart.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun,” Jae coaxes. “You heard Dowoon, ‘ _Appa works too hard!’_ ”

Brian’s expression shifts somewhere between amused and exasperated.

“… Okay, fine.”

Jae cheers, elated.

“But we’d better be back before Sunday night; I still need to get Dowoon ready for school.”

“Yes, dearest.”

“Cheeky bastard.”

They’ve been in the rental car Jae had acquired for about ten minutes before Brian realizes he has no idea where they’re headed.

“Wait, where are we going?” he asks, turning to Jae.

Jae looks like something out of a movie, in his white t-shirt and loose flannel, hair messy but fluffy, those boy-next-door looks with a hint of that nerdiness that makes Brian’s heart melt every time.

Brian props his chin on his fist, unabashedly staring at Jae with an imploring expression.

“I was wondering when you’d ask,” Jae says with a smirk. “But I’m not telling.”

Brian frowns. “Why not?”

Jae looks over at him with a grin and a raised brow. “Oh c’mon, you’re the guy who buys train tickets to the middle of nowhere when you’re bored, you can’t handle a little mystery?”

Brian huffs and sticks his tongue out at Jae. “Fine, then.”

He crosses his arms dramatically and turns to look out the window.

A second later, the radio turns on.

Jae laughs and starts belting along at top volume.

“ _Baby come back! You can blame it all on me~”_

Stifling a grin, Brian keeps up the front for a few moments longer before joining his boyfriend in singing along.

It’s when they’ve been in the car for about half an hour and Brian starts seeing signs for Cheonan that he realizes their destination isn’t merely a short drive away.

He narrows his eyes.

“Okay, seriously, where are we going?” he asks.

Jae shakes his head with that ridiculously cute grin of his.

“At least tell me how much longer,” Brian insists.

“… About ninety minutes,” Jae says, after checking the time.

“What?!”

Brian crosses his arms protectively around his growling stomach.

“But I’m _hungry_ ,” he whines.

Jae chuckles, the sound tickling Brian’s eardrums with its pleasant timbre.

“Don’t worry, I came prepared. Check the glove box.”

Brian perks up, immediately reaching for the compartment in front of him.

Inside, he finds several homemade beef sandwiches, an assortment of snacks, and neatly wrapped breads from Brian’s favorite bakery.

“You are the _best,_ ” Brian says, instantly going for and unwrapping a sandwich.

“The snacks are for me though, so don’t touch them,” Jae says with a wink his way.

Mid-bite, Brian feels his heart warm with intense affection for the man next to him.

Jae knows Brian doesn’t really eat snacks, not enjoying the feeling of crumbs sticking to his fingers.

Brian swallows his bite of sandwich, then leans across the car to peck Jae’s cheek.

“Love you,” he murmurs, before resuming his attack on the food.

Jae clears his throat beside him, and Brian smirks to himself, knowing Jae’s probably blushing like crazy.

When they reach Boryeong, Brian knows they’re headed for the beach.

Sure enough, they’re soon driving along the coast, sand and waves endless before their eyes.

Brian cracks the window and leans on the sill, feeling the breeze flow around his face and through his hair.

“You look like a dog,” Jae comments, amused.

“If you tried it, you’d understand why they do it,” Brian retorts, closing his eyes and embracing the exuberant feeling running through him.

Brian feels the car slow and make a turn, and he opens his eyes to find them pulling into a parking lot, sign spelling out Muchangpo Beach in big, white letters.

“Muchangpo? Not Daecheon?” he wonders aloud, citing the city’s more well-known beach.

“Yeah, I figured…” Jae starts, pulling into a parking space. “Figured you’d prefer this, since you told me about visiting Jindo that one time- the sea parting festival or whatever- and I thought you might like to see it again. It’s not the same place, but it’s similar. There’s no festival right now, but we can at least see the ocean do the… the thing,” he finishes, shyly messing with his hair.

Again, Brian feels that surge of affection rise in his chest, a feeling that’s become so familiar over the past months.

Still, he’s confused.

“Jae, that’s really sweet, but I thought it doesn’t happen in July?” Brian questions.

Jae does that confused, rapid blinking thing that Brian loves.

“Huh?”

“I thought that it happens every month _except_ June and July,” Brian clarifies. “… Maybe I’m wrong?”

“But I looked it up…”

Jae’s frowning now, and Brian wants to do everything he can to change that.

“Why don’t we check a sign? I’m sure they’ve posted it somewhere,” he suggests, not liking the stiffness that seems to be settling over Jae’s face.

Jae nods, and they get out of the car and head toward a signpost.

NOTICE

DATES OF SEA ROAD PARTING: AUGUST – MAY. CHECK OFFICIAL WEBSITE FOR DETAILS.

Jae’s face falls and his shoulders slump.

“Fuck!” Jae swears. “No wonder there aren’t many cars. I thought we were just lucky.”

“Hey,” Brian says comfortingly, putting his arm around Jae’s shoulder. “We’re still at the beach, we’ll still have fun!”

Jae keeps frowning, so Brian leans in close with a playful smile.

“Besides, isn’t it better if there aren't many people around?”

Jae’s cheeks turn pink, his face losing that awfully disappointed look.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

He gives Brian a swift peck, before grinning widely and taking his hand, leading him with big strides to the beach.

“ _This_ is the beach?” Jae cries in despair.

He stares at the large expanse of wet, damp sand that gives way to greyish waves in the distance, thinking that the place looks more akin to a mudflat than the sandy white, pristine beaches he’d been imagining.

It’s already enough that they can’t experience the sea road like he’d been hoping to gift Brian, but how is Brian supposed to enjoy _this?_

Jae inwardly panics, wondering if Brian’s going to stare at him with disappointment in his eyes, or even worse, _pretend_ that he’s enjoying this to spare Jae’s feelings. Jae really doesn’t think he can stand it if he turns to look at Brian’s face and sees-

_Splat._

Something cold and wet hits Jae’s arm with a squishy slap, and he yelps, jumping back.

He looks down.

A sopping handful of muddy, soaked sand is now sliding down his skin.

He narrows his eyes.

“You did not just-“

 _Splat_.

Another handful hits him on the chest this time, several unfortunate splatters landing on his cheek. He flinches, wrenching his head up to glare at his boyfriend, who’s already gathering up a third mudball.

Brian returns his stare with a face lit up in a boisterous grin and a challenge dancing in those feline eyes.

Dread washes through Jae as Brian raises his arm, and he goes to duck-

 _Splat_.

-only to get a face full of wet sand.

“Okay, that’s it, you’re getting it!” Jae yells as Brian doubles over in raucous laughter.

Sputtering sand out of his mouth, Jae furiously wipes his glasses free of muck and then scoops a handful of sand off the ground, chucking it at Brian with wild abandon.

Brian ducks easily, grinning, and Jae has never hated him more.

_No matter, I’ll get you this time._

Jae feels a feral smirk take over his features, and it only broadens when he sees Brian’s eyes widen.

Brian turns and scrambles to get away, but this time, Jae stops to aim and manages to nail him on his upper back, satisfied when Brian yelps, cold sand dripping down his shirt.

Jae uses the moment it takes Brian to shake the sand out of his shirt to capture him in a bear hug, ruthlessly smearing his sand-covered hands wherever he can reach as Brian struggles to wriggle free, shrieks of laughter shaking his lungs in breathless bursts.

When Jae decides Brian’s sufficiently mussed, he loosens his hold on Brian enough so the man can turn around to face him.

Brian’s face- underneath the streaks of sand now dirtying his face- is awash in delight, eyes shining with such joy and adoration that it makes Jae’s heart thud a quickened rhythm.

_God, this man is so perfect._

“Asshole,” Brian says fondly, wiping a thick chunk of sand off his cheek.

“You started it,” Jae mutters, tugging him closer.

“Maybe,” Brian concedes, reaching up to kiss him.

The sand is gritty between their lips, but if anything, the coarseness makes the petal-softness of Brian’s lips even more pleasant to taste… until he gets a big lick of sand.

Leaning back, he’s abruptly spitting sand out of his mouth onto the ground.

Brian’s laughing at him again, the bastard.

“Come on, let’s go clean off.”

Jae nods, letting himself be tugged toward the waves.

It’s only when Brian pauses at the edge of the water and starts pulling his shirt over his head that Jae understands what ‘cleaning off’ entails.

“Wait, Bri, you can’t just strip here,” Jae protests, panicking, knowing that Brian isn’t wearing his swim trunks since their destination had been a surprise.

Brian looks up at him as he undoes his belt. “Why not? It’s not as if I’m swimming naked.”

And then he’s standing there on the beach in nothing but his skintight, black boxer briefs, which leave nothing to the imagination and is somehow even worse than him being straight-up nude.

Jae looks away, flush burning up his face and neck.

He hears an exasperated sigh from beside him, a splash, and then, “Are you coming in or not, idiot?”

He turns to find Brian already waist deep in water, no doubt having taken a running leap into the waves.

Brian leans backward to allow his torso and head to dip in the water, coming up a second later, face clear of sand and hair slicked back against his head.

His undiluted beauty makes something in Jae yearn, makes him wish he could stand equal to the easy confidence that Brian exudes every day.

Instead he sighs, checking self-consciously to make sure they’re still alone before methodically removing his clothing until the only thing left on his body is his boxers and glasses.

On second thought, he removes his glasses too, tucking them carefully in the pocket of his jeans.

When he looks toward the waves again, Brian’s disappeared.

Jae frowns, squinting at the blurry ocean.

_He was here a second ago, he can’t have swum that fast._

Wading into the cold water, Jae looks around, wondering if Brian’s having some sort of breath-holding competition with himself under the waves. The thought amuses him.

 _Maybe I should go under and tickle him to the surface_.

The greyish waves lap at his chest, chilly and murky.

Shivering, he braces himself to dive under.

Then something grabs his ankle with startling ferocity.

Jae shrieks and stumbles backward, twisting his ankle free, and lands backwards in the water.

Luckily, the water cushions his ass from making hard contact with the sandy bottom.

He surfaces, sputtering breath back into his lungs.

Brian surfaces a second later, mischief alight in his eyes.

“You’re the fucking _worst_ ,” Jae groans, splashing water in Brian’s direction.

Brian splashes back, grinning.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

“Bullshit,” Jae counters. “You just wanted to hear me scream.”

Laughing, Brian pulls him closer by the waist. “I do enjoy it when you scream,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows to make clear what he really means.

“Jerk,” Jae mutters as they kiss.

Brian licks into his mouth, thankfully clear of sand this time, and Jae feels the heat behind the action, feels his own interest spark to life.

The taste of salt coats Brian’s lips, and Jae laps it up eagerly, glad they’re alone, surrounded by nothing but the waves and the wind.

Jae lets his hands dip under the water’s surface, runs them up Brian’s smooth legs that are now wrapping around his waist, strokes the top of Brian’s thighs and around to the back of them, caressing the swell of Brian’s ass, swirling closer, closer…

It’s unmistakable the effect his ministrations are having on Brian, with his front pressed so close to Jae’s.

“Maybe we should stop?” Brian murmurs before diving in for another feverish kiss.

“Maybe,” Jae replies, before reconsidering as Brian’s hips thrust forward, colliding their arousals together, cool water swirling around them doing nothing to quell the heat of their need.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Brian pants. “Do you think we can-“

“No,” Jae denies, knowing by now how much of a deviant Brian can be, and knowing they shouldn’t do it without sufficient lube… and in a public place, at that. “But we can do _this_.”

He pushes the waistband of his boxers down over his hips and then reaches for Brian’s. “Can I?”

Brian nods, hunger in his eyes, leaning back so Jae can shimmy those damned briefs down and free his aching erection. When Brian brings his hips back in, their arousals collide once more in a way that has Brian groaning into Jae’s collarbone.

“Shh, baby, you need to be quiet,” Jae murmurs as he takes them both in one hand.

“ _Shit_ ,” Brian pants, unconsciously bucking his hips forward at the touch. “ _Feels good_.”

Arousal floods Jae’s senses, makes him see nothing except this gorgeous man in front of him, panting and whimpering quietly as Jae jerks them off under the waves.

It takes only a few minutes before Brian’s biting down into Jae’s collarbone with a wanton moan tearing free of his throat, and Jae follows soon after, the ocean sweeping away the evidence of their passion.

When Brian’s coherent enough to lift his head from Jae’s shoulder, he asks, “Can we do that again sometime?”

Jae laughs, shaking his head in disbelief.

“You’re a demon.”

They eventually make it to the hotel hours after the sun has set, covered in seawater and sand and smiles, skin and clothes soaked through.

The receptionist gives them a startled once-over, but thankfully doesn’t say much as she helps them acquire their room keys.

As they’re on their way to the elevators, Brian chuckles.

“What?”

Brian shakes his head.

“She was totally checking you out,” Brian says, amused.

Jae arches a skeptical brow, fairly sure the receptionist had been mentally cursing them out for tracking sand into the hotel. And if anything, she’d been eyeing Brian, not him. “What makes you think that?”

Brian levels him with a look. “She couldn’t keep her eyes off your- off _you_ ,” Brian finishes, looking somewhat embarrassed.

And embarrassed Brian is always intriguing.

“Off my what?” Jae pries.

Brian looks away with a flush. “You know…”

He gestures in the air with nondescript waves of his hand.

Seeing Jae’s flat look, he groans.

“You have nice… shoulders...”

Jae snorts. “Shoulders? Really?” He leans in close to gently kiss the tip of one delightfully red ear. “Is that all that’s nice?”

Brian colors further and avoids his gaze.

“And… muscles…”

Jae coughs, not expecting _that_. “What muscles?”

Brian glares at him. Pointedly, he looks down at where Jae’s shirt is still sticking to his skin, but all Jae sees is his usual skinny body.

“I still don’t understand,” he says, genuinely confused.

Brian lets out an aggrieved groan and turns away to swipe into their room.

“You’re hot, Jae,” Brian says finally. “Anyone would think so.”

While Jae’s flattered, he’s pretty sure Brian’s just saying that out of boyfriend obligation. After all, Jae’s never been gifted in the looks department, and had come to terms with that fact a long time ago.

“Thanks for saying that,” Jae says with a dismissive shrug. “You’re the hotter one, though.”

Brian rolls his eyes but says nothing more on the matter, plopping their stuff on the ground at the foot of the bed.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Brian says, giving Jae a kiss on the cheek. “… with the door unlocked.”

It takes longer than it should for Jae to understand what he means, but when he does, he grins.

They spend the rest of their brief vacation alternating between walking around in the outdoor markets, swimming in the ocean (with actual swim trunks), and making love in their hotel room. By the time they’re ready to leave for home mid-Sunday, Brian’s got a whole Ziploc filled with seashells for Dowoon and Jae has a chest covered in hickeys. 

On the car ride back, they’re singing along to the radio when Brian trails off mid-note, gazing at Jae.

“What is it?” Jae asks when he realizes he’s the only one singing.

He chances a quick glance at his boyfriend’s face and realizes Brian’s giving him one of the Looks.

Those Looks that always make Jae’s heart flop every which way.

“I love you,” Brian says affectionately.

Jae tries to play it cool, even though his heart is already spasming like a fish out of water.

“Who’s being sappy now?” he teases.

“I know you’re saying that because you feel shy right now,” Brian continues.

_Shit._

“But really, thanks for taking me out this weekend,” Brian says. “It was really special, and I loved it.”

Brian leans over to kiss his cheek, and Jae turns his head at the last second to capture Brian’s lips.

“I love you too, Bri.”

Brian grins, sitting back.

As his boyfriend resumes singing, Jae smiles to himself.

Even if it hadn’t been perfect, Brian still loved it.

Still loved him.

_I’ll do better next time._

* * *

**[CHAPTER 8.5: EXTRA]**

“Ahjussi’s, why did Appa look like that when I said he and Mr. Chicken Little wanna be married?” Dowoon asks, peering curiously up at his uncles.

They’re walking in the park, Dowoon in between his two uncles as they stroll along. He’d seen a man and a woman walking together, and they’d both had those rings that grownups wear when they’re married, so he’d remembered the other day when his appa reacted weirdly to the word ‘married.’

He’s been puzzling over this particular question for a bit now and can’t quite figure it out on his own. So he’s asking for help, like Appa always tells him to.

“What did he look like?” Uncle Wonpil asks, swinging their joined hands between them.

On Dowoon’s other side, Uncle Sungjin isn’t swinging his hand, and it feels weird to do one and not the other, so Dowoon starts swinging both in tandem, pleased when Uncle Sungjin follows.

“I dunno,” Dowoon says. “He got all red.”

His uncles share that look that grownups make when they’re trying to decide how much to tell him, so Dowoon just waits patiently for an answer, knowing they’ll eventually explain.

“Well, Dowoonie, I don’t think your appa has thought too much about marriage yet,” Uncle Sungjin says.

“Why not? He and Mr. Chicken Little already do sleepovers. And Mr. Chicken Little said he wants to be my second appa. So why aren’t they married?”

Uncle Wonpil’s eyes go wide, and for a second, Dowoon wonders if he’s said something he shouldn’t have.

“Jae said he wants to be your appa?” Uncle Wonpil asks, focusing intently on his face.

“Y-yes…” Dowoon affirms, wondering what that look means.

_Am I in trouble?_

“That’s great!” Uncle Wonpil is beaming now, and Dowoon is relieved.

If Uncle Wonpil is happy, that means it’s a good thing and Dowoon didn’t say anything wrong.

“So why aren’t they married?” Dowoon prods again, hoping they’ll answer this time.

 _Grownups get so distracted_.

“Dowoonie, it’s too soon for your appa and Jae to get married,” Uncle Sungjin says.

“But why? They love each other,” he points out.

“Yes, but love takes time to grow,” Uncle Sungjin says.

Dowoon wrinkles his nose in thought. “Like a plant?”

“Exactly like a plant! If you don’t grow it in the right way, it’ll become hurt or even die.”

Dowoon’s eyes widen.

He grinds his feet into the pathway and pulls on his uncles’ hands, too horrified to move.

“I don’t want their love to _die_!” he exclaims.

“Oh, Dowoonie, don’t worry,” Uncle Wonpil soothes. “Their love won’t die if you take good care of it.”

He frowns.

“How do I take care of it?”

“Let’s see… You can eat your veggies and tell your appa you love him very much.”

_Well, that doesn’t make very much sense._

Dowoon wrinkles his nose.

He doesn’t like veggies. He _does_ love his appa, though.

“How will eating veggies help?”

“It’ll show your appa that you’re a big boy now and can take care of yourself,” Uncle Wonpil explains. “That way, he and Jae can focus on taking care of their love together.”

Slowly, Dowoon nods.

_I guess it makes sense…_

In any case, he’ll always be here if something goes wrong and Appa needs his help. But he doesn’t need to worry. He’s seen the way Appa and Mr. Chicken Little look at each other, and it’s the same way his ahjussi’s look at each other. And his ahjussi’s are married.

He spots a puppy.

“Ahjussi’s! A puppy! Can I go pet?”

And then he’s pulling them along toward the small dog, mind focused on just one thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm going to extend this fic by one or two chapters if that's okay with y'all, but rest assured it won't go much beyond that! I also have some ideas for extras that may happen, but that's TBD.


	9. Skies Get Dark

Before Jae knows it, July turns to August, and the weather goes from hot and muggy to downright sweltering. The last dredges of monsoon season bring heavy rains that pelt the streets with unbridled precipitation.

And before Jae knows it, he’s celebrating a birthday for the first time with his favorite father-son duo.

He bounds up the steps to Brian’s apartment complex, fidgeting with the present wrapped in crinkly, shiny, dollar-store paper.

Opening the door to the lobby, he sighs in relief when cool air washes over him from inside.

At least it’s not raining, as it had been for the past three days, but the air is still muggy enough to make him sweat through his t-shirt.

He fans himself with a hand, hoping the sweat isn’t too obvious through the thin fabric.

Brian had told him to dress as casually as possible, warning that proximity to children often meant high likelihood of _accidents_.

Jae swallows with difficulty, now sweating for an entirely different reason as he nears the familiar Apartment No. 19.

Hanging out with Dowoon is one thing, since the young boy is usually a calm, sweet kid with the disposition of a fluffy puppy. Even when Dowoon gets kinda crazy, which is rare, it’s usually enough to just whack around with him on his drums for a bit before he calms down.

But willingly trapping himself in a room full of children for an entire afternoon…

Jae shakes his head, shuddering.

_Oh, the things I do for Brian…_

He rings the doorbell, wincing when he hears high-pitched squealing from inside.

The door opens, and then Brian’s looking at him, amused.

“Why do you look like you’re being held at gunpoint?”

Jae cautiously peers around Brian into the apartment, before cringing as a particularly loud scream echoes through the hallway.

“Please tell me I’ll survive today,” he begs.

Brian laughs at that and pulls Jae in for a swift smooch.

“Don’t worry, Sungjin and Wonpil are on their way with adult drinks,” he murmurs, cheerful twinkle in his eyes as he withdraws.

“Oh, thank god,” Jae grins, letting Brian lead him inside by the hand.

All things considered, Jae’s not doing a _terrible_ job of playing nice with the kids.

Sure, maybe he’d flinched when that girl had grabbed his hand, asking if he wanted to build a tower together, but he’d been a pretty good chair for her afterward, if he did say so himself.

Even so, he’s only a few slices of pizza and a beer in, and he already wants to call it quits.

The group of twelve kids isn’t _too_ overwhelming, but there’s only so much screaming Jae can tolerate in one sitting. At least he can commiserate with Sungjin, who seems equally averse to high-pitched noises and is currently well into a second beer.

Wonpil and Brian, though, are waist-deep in children, right in the _middle_ of that raucous mosh pit of tiny, grabby fingers and zero personal space.

Dowoon’s sitting between his father’s legs as Brian fits an origami pirate hat on top of the boy’s head. Several of the other children are taking the chance to clip an assortment of colorful hair pins and curly streamers into _Brian’s_ hair. Wonpil, who Jae suspects was the instigator of Operation Decorate Brian, is happily supplying more streamers with the sole pair of scissors.

“Do you think Wonpil’s aware those kids are about to dump a jar of glitter on his head?” Jae asks.

Sungjin groans.

“ _Oh, please_. He _loves_ it. The last time it happened, he tracked glitter all the way home and wouldn’t stop pretending to be a fairy princess until I wrestled him into the shower.”

Jae shudders and raises his beer in sympathy.

“I feel for you, man.”

Just then, Brian catches his eye from over his son’s head.

 _You okay?_ He mouths.

Brian looks all sorts of pretty, even in his t-shirt and basketball shorts and an absurd amount of things flouncing around on his head.

Jae grins and winks in answer.

Satisfied, Brian turns his attention back to the children surrounding him.

“Who wants cake?!”

A dozen screeches fill the air, and Jae doesn’t even flinch this time, just downs the rest of his beer.

After the candles are blown out and the cake happily devoured, it’s time for presents.

The birthday boy sits at the place of honor on the couch, surrounded by gifts and friends, paper pirate hat still haphazardly perched on his head.

Methodically, he goes through each one, unwrapping them with more care than a just-turned-five-year-old really should and joyfully exclaiming over the assortment of toy robots, lego sets, and even books (that Jae’s sure were picked out by well-meaning parents).

Dowoon receives a brand-new soccer ball, a videogame, and some jazz CD’s from his dad (“Thanks, Appa! Can we listen to these tonight?” “Of course, kiddo,” Brian says fondly, ruffling his hair), and then Wonpil and Sungjin hand the boy a neatly wrapped package that looks like a book of some sort.

Extracting it from the wrapping paper, Dowoon goes wide-eyed at the picture of a shiny, professional-grade drum set on the front cover. He flips it open and then makes a confused face, wrinkling his nose.

“Ahjussi’s, what’s this?”

Wonpil grins as he explains, “It’s a book of sheet music. If you’re going to be a real musician, you have to learn how to read music notes.”

Dowoon’s brow furrows. “But Appa doesn’t read music notes and he still sings.”

“Yes, but remember, Dowoonie, your appa is _weird_ ,” Wonpil says, exaggeratedly crossing his eyes and sticking his tongue out at Brian.

The children giggle, and Brian rolls his eyes with a smile.

“Will you teach me, Uncle Wonpil?” Dowoon asks, turning his big eyes upward.

Even if Wonpil wanted to say no (which Jae sincerely doubts is the case), there’d be absolutely no way to deny such a devastatingly adorable plea.

“Of course, Woonie,” Wonpil agrees indulgently.

Jae clears his throat.

_Now’s the perfect chance._

He straightens from where he’s been leaning against the wall and leans down to hand Dowoon his present.

“Happy birthday, Dowoon. You can, uh, use these to practice,” Jae says, feeling awkward now that a dozen pairs of curious eyes are turned toward him.

Dowoon opens the wrapping, face morphing into a look of awe that is every bit as rewarding as Jae had hoped it would be.

“ _Drum sticks!_ ” Dowoon yells in undisguised admiration.

He hurriedly pulls the wooden sticks from their sleek, black pouch and reverently runs his hands over the smooth grain.

Then, he’s up and running- the other children close on his heels- to get his electronic drum set.

Dazed, Jae stares off into space, mind still fixated on Dowoon’s expression of elation.

 _Click_.

_Flash._

Jae blinks and realizes there’s a phone in his face.

“Did you just take a picture of me?”

Brian grins at him.

“You looked so cute, I couldn’t help it,” Brian explains, flipping the phone to show Jae his own face.

He has a stunned look on his face, mouth curling into a dumb grin, eyes unfocused.

“You take the worst pictures,” Jae mutters.

Brian makes an indignant noise and thumbs the screen to another picture. “Not true. Look at this one, too.”

It’s Dowoon, gleefully pulling the drum sticks from their case.

_I made him that happy._

It’s a continual wonder to Jae, that Dowoon likes him so much.

“Send that to me,” Jae grumbles, silently treasuring everything about the picture but embarrassed to ask for some reason.

“You’re not getting shy on me, are you?” Brian teases, pulling the phone back.

Jae takes a sip of his drink to hide his reddening face. “Shut up. You’re worse than the kids, I swear.”

Laughing, Brian leans up to give Jae a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, Jae. For being here.”

“Don’t mention it,” Jae responds, catching Brian’s lips in a chaste kiss. “It was my pleasure.”

Unbeknownst to the pair, off to the side, Sungjin and Wonpil are snapping picture after picture of the tender scene in front of them.

August passes, and then somehow, they’ve reached the eve of _Jae’s_ birthday.

Jae settles on his couch in his pajamas and hoodie after a long day of work and wonders, as he does every year, if he feels any older.

_Damn, the big three-‘o’._

With the sounds of Dowoon’s party not yet faded from his mind, Jae wonders when he became old enough to be constantly surrounded by children. A side effect of aging, he supposes.

 _So much has changed since last year_.

He unlocks his phone to gaze at the background- a candid shot of Brian and Dowoon after the party. They had all been dead tired after the other children left, but Dowoon had insisted upon listening to the jazz CD’s his father had gifted him, and so they’d indulged the birthday boy for one final celebratory wish.

As Jae had expected, Brian and Dowoon dozed off in record time, not even lasting halfway through a song. Dowoon had been cuddled up to his father’s chest, and Brian- a couple streamers still stubbornly clinging on to his hair- had been dead to the world, snoring against his son’s head.

Jae smiles fondly at the picture and suddenly has the urge to hear Brian’s voice.

Without bothering to think, he dials the number.

“… Hey, what’s up?” Brian answers after a couple rings.

Jae can hear the faucet running and the clinking of silverware against plates.

“You busy?” he asks.

“Mm… nah,” Brian says. “Just finishing up the dishes. Everything okay? You change your mind about tomorrow? It’s not too late to make a reservation still, if you want to eat out.”

Jae chuckles.

“Usually it’s me fretting over details, not you.”

“Well, it’s not _usually_ your birthday tomorrow,” Brian teases back, voice soft.

“That’s true… But really, I do just want to spend a quiet night at home with my best people.”

“Wonpil would have a heart attack if he heard you call him one of his best people,” Brian says, laughing.

“Best not to tell him, then.”

Brian hums, pausing. “… Are you sure you don’t want me to get a sitter for Dowoon? I’m sure Junhyeok wouldn’t mind, he usually reserves Friday nights for Woonie anyway.”

Jae knows that with Dowoon there, the festivities will have to be somewhat limited in terms of booze consumption and the entertainment will have to be kid-friendly, but really, it hadn’t been a difficult decision.

Dowoon’s one of his best people, too, after all.

“I’m sure, Bri. Just make sure you get some practice in, yeah? Don’t want Dowoon trouncing us all in Mario Kart for the thousandth time.”

Brian laughs, the sound slightly tinny over the phone, but it still manages to warm Jae’s heart.

“Seriously, that boy… I swear Wonpil and Sungjin are training him to be a pro gamer instead of a drummer…”

The two of them talk for a bit longer, till Brian has to get his son ready for bed.

“Love you, Jae. See you tomorrow.”

Jae wants to keep Brian on the line and listen to his voice forever, but he knows it’s a silly desire. 

“See you tomorrow, Bri. Love you, too.”

“… Bye,” Brian adds shyly.

Jae chuckles, absurdly delighted at the thought that Brian doesn’t want to hang up either.

“Bye, Bri.”

The line clicks, and then Brian’s gone.

Turning on his TV, Jae settles in for a lone night of Netflix, trying not to miss his boyfriend too much.

His phone buzzes with a text, and he unlocks it, biting his lip to keep from smiling as he takes in the sight of Dowoon drowsily brushing his teeth, chin shrouded in minty foam.

_Jae: He’s finally unlocked his true form- Grandpa DW_

_Bri: Self-actualization at such a young age… I’m so proud_

_Jae: I want a pic of you too…_

Jae squirms internally as he sends the text, not wanting to be needy. He just really wants to see Brian’s face.

Brian indulges him, and Jae laughs aloud as he sees the new photo.

Brian’s taken it at a really unattractive angle, from chest-level, tucking his chin in so that his neck folds into a double chin. He’s smiling, close-mouthed in a silly expression, though it does nothing to hide his adorable dimples and amused eyes.

_Jae: so cute_

_Bri: I want one too gimme_

Jae blushes. Even after four and a half months of dating, Brian still manages to make him feel shy.

He opens up the camera app and taps on selfie mode, immediately frowning at his reflection.

He looks kind of shitty, eyebags pronounced after a long day of work, hair everywhere, stubble starting to peek out.

He does what he can to fix his hair before giving up and pulling his hood over his head, hiding half his face in the collar of his grey hoodie.

 _Bri will just have to deal,_ he thinks.

Sending it, he turns his attention back to the TV, fidgeting with his phone for no good reason.

_Bri: ur cuter_

Jae scoffs out loud.

_Jae: ur lying_

_Bri: am not_

_Jae: are too_

_Bri: stubborn asshole_

_Jae: thick-headed idiot_

_Bri: cute hottie_

Jae pauses, grimacing.

_Jae: thats not an insult_

_Bri: I know_

Before Jae can think of a proper response, Brian texts again.

_Bri: gtg, time for Dowoon’s bedtime story, ttyl_

_Bri: luv u_

Jae smiles.

So much has changed from last year, and he’s never been so thankful to have turned another year older.

_Jae: luv u too_

Jae’s birthday ends up being every bit as calm and relaxing as he’d hoped it would be.

They spend the night devouring pizza and pasta, watching the recent Lion King remake, and playing videogames.

To the adults’ chagrin, Dowoon repeatedly beats them all at Mario Kart, though it’s not for lack of trying.

Brian, self-declared worst gamer, gives up after a couple rounds, watching contentedly from the couch and cheering his son on. Eventually, Wonpil gets fed up, tickle fighting Dowoon till the boy is giggling and rolling around on the floor in tears, his on-screen character veering off the road and plummeting to a watery death.

Too focused on trying to beat Sungjin in the last stretch, Jae doesn’t even notice Brian’s left the room till the lights suddenly flicker off.

“Huh?” Jae looks around as his character crosses the finish line, confetti and a big ‘Congratulations!’ appearing over his section of the screen.

“ _Happy birthday to you~_ ”

Brian’s melodious voice comes from over by the kitchen.

He’s standing with a small, obviously homemade cake in his hands. Two candles, a ‘3’ and a ‘0,’ light up his face from below as he sings- Sungjin, Wonpil, and Dowoon joining in seconds later, loud and slightly off-key from one another.

“ _Happy birthday, Dear Jae~ Happy birthday to youuuuu~”_

At the end, the four of them diverge into different harmonies- evidently unplanned, as Brian soars into an operatic range while Sungjin and Wonpil scramble for middle harmonies, Dowoon just breaking into giggles.

Jae laughs, face warm with all the attention. “Thanks, guys.”

“Make a wish, birthday boy,” Brian says, holding the cake to face-level.

Jae closes his eyes for barely a second to make the wish he’s already wished a thousand times- the wish he’s been wishing since he met Brian- in his head, before blowing out the candles in a single breath, casting them all in darkness.

When the lights come back on, Brian and Sungjin are salivating over the cake, barely restraining themselves from cutting it before Jae gets the first slice, and Wonpil’s crouching over to lift Dowoon into a piggyback.

There’s nowhere else Jae would rather be.

 _Please, let this last_.

On Monday, Jae revels in the fact that he’s actually getting work done; now that he has the noise-cancelling earbuds Sungjin and Wonpil gifted him, he doesn’t have to listen to their incessant flirting all day long.

He pauses at a good stopping point in his report and pulls the sleeves of his brand-new, milky white fleece down over his chilly fingers, and indulges himself in a moment of running the soft fabric along his face.

 _Too bad it doesn’t smell like him_.

The fleece had been Brian’s gift, along with a small note reading, _To keep you warm when I’m not around ;)_

Wonpil and Sungjin had gagged, but Jae had instantly shrugged the jacket on and rarely taken it off since.

As he buries his chin in plush, white fabric, Jae's gaze inadvertently falls (as it has been all morning long) on the framed picture he’s put in place of honor to the right of his monitor.

Dowoon had drawn him a picture of the five of them in marker, various decorations added creatively here and there- guitars for his dad and Jae, a keyboard for Wonpil, and a drum set for himself. Sungjin had been given place of honor in the front, arms raised and a conductor’s baton in hand.

“You’re the leader,” Dowoon had explained, seeing their confusion.

The resulting pandemonium as the other three adults had argued over the position, as well as Sungjin’s overtly pompous expression the rest of the evening, still made Jae laugh whenever he thought of it.

 _My Family’s Band_ , Dowoon’s handwriting reads, scrawled at the top of the picture in aqua-colored crayon.

_Family._

Jae hadn’t thought anything could top that, but he’d been proven wrong when, after Sungjin and Wonpil had gone, after Dowoon had been put to bed in Jae’s spare bedroom, after the leftovers had been packed away and the dishes done, Brian had pulled out Jae’s old guitar and sat him down on the couch to be serenaded.

“I wrote something for you,” he’d said, looking shy and nervous and _perfect_.

And then he’d begun _crooning_ , and Jae had been blown away, as he always was when Brian sang.

This time, though, Brian had been singing for _him_.

Jae hadn’t been able to speak for a long, long time after that- had only been able to keep his face buried in Brian’s neck in a poor attempt to hide his tears. Brian, of course, had seen right through him, kissing his temple so tenderly there could be no mistaking the sentiment behind the action.

“ _Me too_ ,” Jae had whispered.

_I want to see him…_

Jae’s phone buzzes, and he snaps out of his daydreaming.

_Bri: Exciting news!! Terry’s visiting in a couple weeks!_

Jae perks up.

Brian’s mentioned this name a couple times… but in what context…?

_Jae: Terry from Canada?_

_Bri: yep, dowoon’s gonna be so excited_

If Jae remembers correctly, Terry had been Brian’s best friend when he’d studied in Canada for a few years during high school.

_Jae: any plans yet?_

_Bri: do u want to meet him? I was thinking we could all spend Chuseok together_

_Jae: yeah ofc, sounds great :)_

_Bri: <3_

_Jae: <3_

Jae sees a hand waving in his periphery and pulls out an earbud, turning to find Wonpil looking at him with an amused expression.

“What?” he asks.

“Wow, he emerges,” Wonpil drawls drily.

“Hey, you should’ve known what you were getting into when you got these for me.”

Wonpil sticks his tongue out in response.

“Real mature. Anyway, what’s up?”

“What were you smiling at your phone for?”

“Huh? Oh. Bri was just asking if I wanted to spend Chuseok with him and Terry.”

Wonpil’s eyebrows shoot to his forehead.

“Terry’s visiting? Hey, Sungjinnie, Terry’s visiting!” he says excitedly to his husband.

Jae tilts his head.

“I didn’t realize you guys knew him, too.”

“Yeah, he’s cool! Brian introduced us when he came last year. I think you’ll like him,” Wonpil says, beaming.

“More importantly, I think you’ll like how Brian is around him,” Sungjin says with a chuckle.

Jae raises an eyebrow, curiosity piqued.

“What’s that mean?”

His friends share an amused look.

“Let’s just say… you might get a look at what high school Bri was like,” Sungjin muses.

A grin unfurls over Jae's face.

“Oh, I cannot wait to see _that_ ,” he says, mind already running through all the crazy high school stories Brian’s previously imparted on him.

_This should be fun._


	10. This Broken Heart

What Jae hadn’t expected was for this Terry person to be so _tall_.

He towers over everyone else around them, turning heads with his height and model-quality looks.

When he reaches the trio waiting at the departures exit, Jae realizes Terry’s even taller than Jae himself, a rarity even when he had lived in America. As such, the man practically towers over Brian, who rushes forward to tackle him in a fierce hug.

“Terry! It’s so good to see you!”

“BriBri! It’s been so long!”

_BriBri?_

A flash of jealousy shoots through Jae before he stifles it immediately.

_It’s not like you don’t have nicknames with your own friends._

Brian extracts himself from Terry, and then the two of them are running through some complicated sequence of hand motions in what Jae realizes must be a secret handshake.

He chuckles, starting to understand what Sungjin had meant by ‘high school Bri.’

Dowoon tugs his hand free from Jae’s, obviously not wanting to be left out, and raises his arms up to be lifted.

“Uncle Terry!”

Terry exclaims loudly, excitement lighting up his face as he sweeps the boy up with a whoosh. Jae steps forward, afraid Dowoon won’t like being swung around, but the child laughs delightedly and hugs the man’s neck.

“Dowoon! You’ve grown so much! Gosh, you’re getting heavy!”

He dips down suddenly, pretending to drop Dowoon as if he can’t hold him, and Dowoon squeals, giggling and tightening his arms around Terry’s neck.

Something pricks at Jae’s conscience when he sees this, though he doesn’t have time to linger on it as Brian introduces them.

“Terry, this is Jae. Jae, meet Terry.”

“Ah, the infamous Jae!” Terry declares, shifting Dowoon to his left arm to shake Jae’s hand. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

Jae laughs at that. “Right back at ya.”

“All good things I hope?”

“Oh, of course!” Jae says humorously. “Actually, there is one thing I wanted to ask you… I’ve heard rumors of a cursed English class video project- any chance you might be able to help a brother out? Brian refuses to show me.”

Brian makes a choked noise, about to protest, but Terry’s eyes light up and a cheeky smirk overtakes his face.

“The Macbeth one?”

Brian’s embarrassed grimace is enough as an answer.

“Oh, I’d be _delighted_ to help you out, dude. It’s a real feast for the eyes… and ears.”

Brian, red in the face, punches Terry in the arm.

“Why do you still have that?! Throw it away already!”

Jae laughs, taking in the sight of mortified Brian with relish. It isn’t often he can see the ever-confident man in such a state.

“I’m already regretting hosting you,” Brian mutters to his friend.

“Aw, don’t say that, BriBri! I know you love me!”

Terry messes with his hair, and Brian swats him away, pretending to be grumpy.

But Jae can see the mirth pulling at his lips and eyes, and again, that uncomfortable feeling twinges through him.

As they exit the airport, Jae trails slightly behind Brian and Terry, who still has Dowoon in his arms, and Jae suddenly realizes what it is that’s bothering him.

The three of them seem so _natural_.

They look like a real family, even without Jae.

 _Especially_ without Jae.

Something black and ugly surges through his chest, like tar poured to the pavement on a boiling hot day.

Brian looks back, offering him a grin and his hand, and Jae desperately pushes the feeling away, latching onto Brian’s smile like a lifeline.

“This can’t be right.”

Jae frowns down at the lumpy ball sitting pathetically in his hand.

Brian snorts. “Why does your songpyeon look like it’s been strangled and beaten to death?”

Jae looks over at Brian’s attempts and grimaces at the multiple perfectly shaped rice cakes sitting innocently on Brian’s plate.

“How do you _do_ that?”

“It’s not hard- look, Dowoon and Terry are doing just fine.”

Swinging his head around, Jae feels mildly chastened to see the rows of rice cakes rolled and pinched into neat dumplings on the others’ plates.

“I think Terry might be more Korean than you,” Brian jokes.

Logically, Jae knows Brian is just teasing. Yet, Jae can’t help but feel like he’s falling short somehow; the uncomfortable feeling having clogged his chest since they’d picked Terry up two days ago.

He clears his throat and stands from where they’re all sitting cross-legged around the low coffee table in Brian’s living room.

“I’m going to get a glass of water. Be right back.”

Brian looks up, and Jae can tell from his expression that he’s realized his words might have hit differently than intended. Before he can apologize, Jae shoots him a smile to let him know it’s fine, then heads to the kitchen.

Once there, he takes his sweet time, grabbing a glass and filling it slowly.

Having grown up in America, Jae’s plenty used to jokes about his nationality and knows that there will probably always be things he doesn’t understand about Korean culture- too many years of life experiences he’s missed to ever truly be just Korean. It’s always been something of a sore spot for him, though the feeling has lessened over his years of living in Korea.

Now, though, being compared to Terry- who’s not even Korean- draws back the curtains on those insecurities, as though Brian had shouted in his face, “Ha! You impostor!”

Jae wonders if he’s always been so insecure, or if it’s Terry’s presence that’s been unsettling him the past couple days.

After they’d picked Terry up from the airport on Thursday, Jae had left Brian’s apartment and looked back to see Brian waving, Terry at his side with Dowoon in his arms.

They’d looked like a true family.

The horrible, twisted feeling that shot through him then had scared Jae so much he hadn’t been able to wave back.

Even now, two days later, he still feels upset.

Terry’s a _friend._

Brian’s dating _me._

_So why do I feel so threatened?_

“-heard you’ve decided you want kids?”

Brian’s voice washes through his brain and Jae comes back to his senses.

“Yeah, I’m so excited, Brian. I can’t wait to be a dad, honestly.”

“I’m so happy for you, Terry; not everyone wants kids. It’s so great you’re on the same page.”

A sense of chilling numbness sweeps through Jae, invading every vulnerability in his conscious mind and stabbing him where he’s weak.

Unsteadily, Jae sets his half-empty glass on the counter.

_Not everyone wants kids._

Jae hadn’t wanted kids.

Isn’t that why he and Brian had started off on such rocky ground, after all?

But Terry does.

“… Jae?”

Jae blinks and realizes he’s been standing in the entryway to the living room, staring at the way Brian had been looking at Terry with such open fondness and… _happiness._

Now, though, Brian’s gaze is piercing him, brows furrowed.

“Jae, are you okay?”

“I…”

He finds himself tongue-tied under Brian’s gaze, pinned against the wall with nowhere to back up or run to.

Terry and Dowoon, too, are looking at him, concerned.

“I-I need to get some air.”

Jae grabs his jacket where it’s draped over the couch and speeds out the door, barely pausing to pull on his sneakers.

Outside, he walks down the street, heading back to his own place.

He doesn’t know if he can go back to that apartment and pretend he belongs anymore.

“Jae, wait!”

_Fuck._

Abruptly, he stops.

“What’s up? Are you not feeling well?”

Brian comes up from behind him, taking his arm and placing a worried hand against his forehead.

“No, it’s not that-“

“Then what is it?”

Brian looks concerned, gorgeous eyes gazing up at him.

“Bri, I don’t want to talk right now.”

“Is it because of what I said earlier? I’m sorry, Jae, I shouldn’t have-“

“No,” Jae denies firmly. “It’s not that.”

“What is it then? Don’t worry all on your own, dummy,” Brian attempts to joke, nudging him.

“You can’t help. It’s my own problem,” Jae replies shortly.

Brian stiffens, withdraws his hand.

“Oh. I see.”

And now Brian looks hurt.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

This isn’t what Jae had meant to do at all.

“Bri-“

“It’s fine, I’ll see you later,” Brian says quietly, turning back to his apartment.

He leaves Jae standing alone on the sidewalk.

_Jae: I’m sorry_

Jae sends the text with a heaving sigh, hours later and halfway through a bottle of soju.

He can’t stand any longer the image of Brian’s hurt face in his mind.

He still hasn’t been able to figure out his own feelings yet, but as long as he can get Brian to forgive him, it’ll be okay.

Fiddling with his phone, he wonders if Brian, Terry, and Dowoon are having a grand old time, now that Jae’s not there to spoil the mood.

_Three perfect people in their own perfect little world._

Jae’s phone buzzes in his hand, and he flinches, swiftly unlocking it.

_Bri: it’s ok but_

_Bri: do you want to talk about it_

_Bri: you’ve been kinda weird since Terry got here_

Jae chews on his lip.

_Jae: no i_

_Jae: I kinda just got lost in my own thoughts earlier and freaked out_

_Jae: it’s nothing serious, rly_

_Jae: please don’t worry_

_Bri: ok… just know I’m here for you, yeah? And I love you_

_Jae: love you too, Bri_

_Jae: sorry I walked out on you guys_

_Bri: it’s ok, Terry and Dowoon were just worried_

_Bri: do you want to go out with us tomorrow? We were planning on taking Terry around the city_

_Jae: sure, that sounds good_

_Bri: I’ll text you the details later then, gtg_

Jae waits a bit longer, but there aren’t any further texts from Brian.

Disappointment creeps through him.

And then Jae’s disappointed that he feels disappointed.

God, why can’t he just be happy?

Brian loves him. Dowoon adores him. So why is he sulking?

Frustrated, Jae throws his phone on the couch and goes to shower, hoping to wash away all his worries.

Angrily stripping, he throws his clothes on the floor, pausing when he catches sight of himself in the mirror.

He’s always hated how he looks.

Tiny eyes, a big nose, a too small face for a too large head. Long, skinny torso with freakishly long arms.

He has no idea where those muscles Brian was talking about are.

He hates it.

He hates _himself_.

The insecurities wash through him, distorting the image in front of him with disgust and irrational anger.

Furious, he hits the countertop with a fist, grunting in pain but relishing the stinging that resonates up his arm.

At least if he’s physically hurting, the emotional pain doesn’t feel so bad.

Breathing deeply through his nose, Jae tells himself to calm down, struggling against the anger and self-deprecation raging through his mind.

Eventually, when his breathing has calmed and the ringing in his ears has stopped, he steps into the shower, hissing when the cold water hits his heated body and the newly split skin across his knuckles.

“Uncle Terry, look!”

Dowoon points excitedly at the life-size replica of an ancient dugout hut constructed of meticulously organized bundles of straw.

They’re at the National Museum of Korea, a common date spot for them due to its relative proximity to their neighborhood. It’s busy on a Sunday, and the children’s exhibit is filled with other families- parents being dragged along by excited children toward colorful statues and interactive displays.

“Wow, Dowoon, let’s go take a picture!”

Terry crouches in front of the opening to the hut, gesturing for the boy to stand in the entrance and digging his phone out of his pocket.

Dowoon pouts.

“Uncle Terry should be in the picture too!”

Brian laughs, taking out his own phone and nudging Terry toward his son.

“You go, I’ll take it.”

Jae rolls his eyes.

“Don’t be silly, Bri, you have to be in it, too.”

He pushes Brian toward the hut, where Terry’s already letting Dowoon climb onto his shoulders.

“But then we should all be in the picture!” Brian protests.

Jae chuckles.

“Don’t worry, we already have plenty. Just go,” he says, prodding his boyfriend along.

Brian scrunches his nose in distaste but complies, standing next to Terry and wrapping an arm around his waist with a casual grin.

It makes something in Jae tremor, but at least he’s getting better at hiding it.

All day today, Brian’s been… not clingy, but _loose_ with his gestures toward his Canadian friend.

Touchier than he normally would be with friends.

Touchy in the way he usually is with Jae.

Jae focuses the camera before taking several shots.

Brian’s been keeping some distance between them all day, which Jae knows is likely because he himself had pushed Brian away yesterday.

It’s his own fault.

He sighs.

“What? Are we that ugly?” Brian jokes.

“No, you guys look… perfect,” Jae says, frowning.

_Again, that word._

_‘Perfect.’_

They do, though.

Dowoon’s sitting atop Terry’s tall frame, hands threaded through his hair, smiling big. Brian’s arm is wrapped around Terry’s waist, head tilted toward the taller man. And Terry’s arm… is draped across Brian’s shoulders.

The black tar in him creeps another inch through his veins.

Brian steps toward him, that concerned look on his face once again.

“Jae, are you-“

“Appa! Can we go there?”

Dowoon is pointing to the next exhibit, which is filled with bright blue foam blocks and silver, shiny baubles hanging from the ceiling.

Brian’s face softens. “Of course, Woonie.”

He looks toward Jae again, and Jae can’t take the way his face tightens, smile dropping.

“I’m going to the bathroom real quick, I’ll be right back,” Jae says, backing away.

Brian nods, already being tugged along by his son.

When he comes back from the restroom, the first thing Jae hears is the whispering.

In a place where the median noise level rivals that of a fairground, the whispers sound louder than screams.

“Do you think… they’re like _that?_ ”

Jae’s looks up at the hushed speculating, the accusatory tones, and sees people surreptitiously glancing ahead.

Where Terry’s sprawled over a startled Brian on the floor.

Jae sees red.

Before he knows it, he’s crossed the room and is pulling Terry off his boyfriend with a yank to the shirt.

“ _Get off him._ ”

His voice, to his own ears, sounds distant, cold.

“Jae, it’s not like that-“

Jae pins Brian with a glare, dreadfully satisfied when he recoils.

“What is it like then?”

“It was an _accident_!” Brian explains. “A kid ran into him and pushed him into me.”

Jae scoffs, something in him not wanting to believe such an easy explanation.

Brian shoots an equally fierce glare back at him.

“What is wrong with you lately?!”

_What **is** wrong with me?_

Jae himself doesn’t know.

“Guys, maybe we should move this outside…” Terry suggests quietly, clearly feeling awkward with all the people now curiously staring.

Jae catches sight of Dowoon staring up at him with wide, scared eyes, and immediately feels himself deflate.

_Fuck._

He’s fucked up big time.

He nods defeatedly.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Jae eyes Brian’s back with trepidation.

They’d split off from Terry and Dowoon a few minutes back, Terry taking the young boy back to Brian’s apartment, Jae and Brian heading to Jae’s place.

Jae can practically feel the anger radiating from Brian, though there’s no obvious sign of it.

He’s walking ahead as normal, hands shoved in the pockets of his jacket, but it’s the set of his shoulders, the way his jaw is clenched and eyes determinedly set forward that gives away his ire.

Jae winces.

They’ve fought before, but up till now, their fights have always been over minor things- stupid things the cause of which weren’t worth remembering.

But now, Jae can tell this won’t be smoothed over with a kiss or a laugh.

_This is going to be bad._

As soon as they enter Jae’s apartment, Brian whirls around, pinning him to the door with the force of his gaze, furious and tempestuous.

“What the hell was _that_ all about?!”

Jae’s never been good with people yelling at him, and Brian’s tone right now makes his own volume rise in defense.

“He was all over you! How was I supposed to react?! I got jealous- I’m sorry, okay?!”

“It’s not just that, Jae! Why have you been acting so _weird_ the past few days? What’s gotten into you? What did Terry do to you?”

“He didn’t do anything!”

Brian gives him an incredulous look.

Jae tries to explain.

“He just- you’re different around him, Bri.”

Another exasperated look.

“Different how?”

“I don’t know, you’re just… _different_. He said he wanted kids, and you looked… _happy._ ”

“I can’t be happy that my friend wants to have kids?”

“No, it’s not that! I mean… you’re really touchy around him, too!”

Jae frowns as he remembers the way Brian had smiled at Terry, the overly casual way Brian had draped himself over the taller man.

Brian gapes at him.

“You’re really _that_ jealous? I’m dating _you_ , Jae!”

“I know that, but-“

Brian huffs a laugh and runs a hand through his hair.

“Jae, Terry has a _girlfriend_. They’ve been dating for _years_. He’s thinking about proposing soon!”

And _oh._

_Fuck._

Well, Jae feels even more like a fool.

But either way, it doesn’t change anything.

He tells Brian as much.

“Why not?”

“It’s hard to explain.”

Brian levels another scathing look at him.

“Please try,” he says sardonically.

It’s hard not to shrink under that stare- that perfect, godly face that’s only more beautiful when colored in shades of anger.

But it’s Brian, so Jae tries.

“It’s just… _you’re_ just… _too perfect_ ,” Jae finally gets out between gritted teeth.

Brian gives him a look that clearly means ‘ _What the fuck are you talking about_ ,’ so Jae tries to gather himself.

“What I mean is that… that nothing perfect ever lasts, and someday, you might wake up and realize that you don’t love me after all.”

He pushes past Brian to pace around his living room, feeling like there’s simultaneously not enough and too much space between them.

“Right now, everything’s just peachy! We’re still in that honeymoon phase, where we love each other and everything’s nice and fine and cute. But once that fades away… once you realize…”

Jae trails off, not even able to push the pathetic words past his own mouth.

_Once you realize how disappointing I am…_

“Look. I didn’t even _want_ kids when we started dating! I can’t be like Terry, I can’t be a father, maybe I’ll never be good enough to be a father! I don’t deserve you and Dowoon, I… One day, you’re going to realize that you’re too good for me and that I’m not enough, and you’re going to fall out of love with me, and then- and then…”

“Then what?” Brian interrupts quietly, voice a deadly barb.

If anything, this quiet, chilling temper is even worse than the fiery heat of a few moments ago.

Jae can’t take this anymore.

_Brian’s hesitation when they first started dating._

_Brian crying the night after they had sex._

_Brian looking at him at the beach._

_Disappointing._

_Weak._

_Undeserving._

Months and months of insecurities tear at his throat and- clogging his chest and heart and head- clawing their way out of his thin, weak body- explode in a ragged cry.

“ _Then you’ll leave me just like Ayeon left you!_ ” he shouts out desperately from every inch of his being.

Brian flinches back as though Jae had hit him.

As his own words ring in his ears, Jae realizes he might as well have struck a physical blow, realizes he’s done some irreparable hurt to Brian that he can’t ever hope to take back.

Brian doesn’t say anything for a moment that stretches into eternity.

He looks at Jae with all the world’s hurt in those deep, soulful eyes.

Jae grasps desperately to close the chasm that’s suddenly appeared before them.

“Bri, you know I didn’t mean-“

“Maybe you’re right.”

Said quietly in that voice, the words hit Jae with the force of a gale.

Brian continues.

“I can’t promise anything a month, a year from now. I can’t guarantee that one day, one of us isn’t going to look at the other and think, ‘you’re a stranger to me.’ I can’t guarantee _anything_ , Jae.”

Brian’s gaze is piercing, searing, the sheer force of it making Jae’s knees weak.

“… But that doesn’t change how I feel about you now. _I love you, Jae._ _You know that._ And I want to fight with everything I have for this love.”

Jae wants to reach out, wants to take Brian in his arms and sob in relief- almost does- but Brian’s face shutters closed.

Brian takes a step back.

Jae’s heart shatters.

“What I can’t do is force you to love yourself.”

Brian seems to steel himself, face hardening, breath stilling.

“I’m not perfect, Jae. And neither are you. I never _wanted_ you to be perfect. I love you as you are. And until you can see that…”

Brian’s eyes.

_God, those eyes…_

They’re tearing Jae apart.

“Until you can see that, I think we need to take some time off.”

With that, Brian walks out of Jae’s apartment and out of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST (lol)
> 
> The rest is pretty much written, guys! I can't believe this work is finally coming to a close... The final chapters will be up soon, and thank you as always for all your support :)


	11. I Know I'm Worthy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be sexy times near the end of this chapter. Skip that part if you don't want to read it.

“Some time off… Time _off_? Who does he think he is?!” Jae rants under his breath as he types furiously at his computer.

Wonpil and Sungjin glance at each other over the divider.

“Thinks I can’t love myself. Bullshit. I know _perfectly_ well how to love myself. I survived college, after all. What’s self-love if not ramen and Red Bull every day?” Jae mutters continuously, taking a deep swig of coffee.

Wonpil winces as Jae sets his coffee mug down with a contemptuous clatter.

He texts his husband.

_WP: Should we say something?_

_SJ: No, let him rant it out first, it’s better than how he’s been the past few days anyway_

Wonpil shudders, thinking of how dead Jae had seemed after the weekend, barely sitting upright in his seat, eyes glazed over. His eyes had been puffy, face unshaven.

_WP: I feel bad, though…_

_SJ: This is something they have to figure out on their own, Pillie_

“Stupid, perfect Brian with his stupid, perfect face…” Jae mumbles, voice cracking.

Wonpil slumps low in his seat, pretending not to notice Jae angrily wiping away tears.

He hopes they make up soon.

For all their sakes.

“Appa, why are you mad at Jae?”

Brian looks up from the eggs he’s whisking.

Dowoon’s perched on the edge of his chair, hugging his worn dog plush, the coloring book in front of him pushed away.

“I’m not mad at Jae. What makes you think that?”

“He doesn’t come over. And you don’t talk about him anymore.”

Brian sighs.

He should’ve known he wouldn’t get anything past his precocious five-year old. Especially since it’s now been over two weeks since he’s seen Jae. Honestly, he’s more surprised that Dowoon hasn’t said anything up till now.

“I’m not mad at Jae,” he tries to explain. “I just… _we_ just. Have things to work through.”

“What kind of things?” Dowoon asks.

“Grownup things,” Brian says firmly, not in the mood to discuss.

As expected, Dowoon’s not buying it.

“Tell me, Appa.”

Brian narrows his eyes at his son, who’s turning his face into that pleading puppy sort of look.

He frowns.

“Well… when two people try to love each other, it’s hard if one of those people doesn’t love themself first.”

“Can’t you just give the person twice the love?”

“No, Woonie, it doesn’t work like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because… because no matter how much love you give a person, if they don’t accept it, then it doesn’t matter,” Brian clarifies, trying not to get frustrated.

“So, make them accept it.”

Brian feels a headache coming on. He really doesn’t want to talk about this right now.

“You can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to.”

“Who wouldn’t want to accept love?”

“Jae wouldn’t, that’s who!” Brian snaps. “Enough questions, I have to finish cooking.”

Brian turns to the counter to prep the vegetables.

Dowoon’s voice comes quietly from behind him. “I think Jae would accept, if it’s Appa-“

“Dowoon!” Brian yells, slamming his hand down on the counter.

He takes a deep breath in through his nose, counting to ten, before turning around.

“We’re done talking about this, okay? Go wash your hands.”

Without bothering to wait for a response, he turns around to ferociously chop up the carrots.

When he hears the scrape of Dowoon’s chair against the floor and soft footsteps padding out of the room, he slumps against the counter, relinquishing his grasp on the knife to put his face in defeated hands.

_I’ll apologize when he comes back. It’s not Woonie’s fault…_

_Appa’s mean,_ Dowoon sulks to himself as he stomps onto his stool.

Angrily, he washes his hands, purposely not using soap to spite his father.

_Jae would accept if it’s Appa… why doesn’t Appa think so? Uncle Terry left a week ago, so he can’t be the problem… I’ve been eating all my veggies… did Uncle Wonpil lie?_

Feeling slightly guilty, Dowoon snatches a quick swipe of soap, putting his hands back under the water.

_I’ve been good, so why can’t they take care of their love on their own? I wish things would go back to the way they were before…_

Done rinsing, Dowoon wipes his hands on the superhero-themed towel hanging on the back of the door.

His brow furrows as he takes in the proudly posing figures on the fabric.

_Or maybe…_

_Yes, that could work…_

Heartbeat quickening, Dowoon quietly opens the door and sticks his head out, gauging the situation.

_Appa’s still cooking. Good._

Tiptoeing past the open entrance to the kitchen, he stealthily pulls on his sneakers and shrugs into his jacket before slipping out of the apartment.

Running down the steps to the entrance, Dowoon bursts through the door, drawing the attention of pedestrians.

Self-conscious and nervous, he shrinks at the stares, bowing his head before taking off in the direction of his destination.

Brian’s angrily chopped his way through several carrots and onions and successfully fried a huge wok of fried rice before he realizes Dowoon hasn’t come back.

He feels guilt gnaw at his gut.

_Dowoon must be angry with me…_

Placing the plates on the table, he makes his way to his son’s room.

“Dowoonie? Appa’s sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to yell…”

He rounds the corner into the room and halts.

_Empty. No Dowoon._

He makes his way around the bed to check if the boy is sulking on the other side, but no luck.

Quickly checking his own bedroom and the bathroom, to no success, he tries to push down the dread that’s quickly enveloping him.

“Dowoon?” he calls out. “Where are you? _Dowoon_?!”

With one last desperate attempt, he checks the living room and even the hallway closet.

Trying not to panic but ultimately failing, he dials Wonpil’s number with a shaking hand, telling himself to take deep breaths.

“What’s up, Bri?”

“Dowoonranaway.”

“What? Slower, please.”

The urgency to _run,_ to _scream_ claws at his throat.

“ _Dowoon ran away!_ Pil, what do I do? _This has never happened before-_ “

“Brian, slow down!” Wonpil, ever patient, says. “Tell me exactly what happened.”

“We were talking about- about Jae, and I got angry, and I was cooking, and he must have left the apartment- Pil, I don’t know what to do- where would he go-“

“ _Bri!_ ” Wonpil cuts in, impatient. “This is not the time to freak out, okay? I need you to breathe.”

Brian takes a deep breath in, clinging onto the sound Wonpil’s voice for support.

“We won’t find Dowoon if you keep freaking out. Have you called Jae yet?”

“… No,” Brian says, immediate reluctance flooding him.

“Do you want me to call?” Wonpil asks.

“No, it’s fine,” Brian refuses, pulling himself together. “But, please, if you find Dowoon, just-“

“I know. We’ll call if we find him. I’ll tell Sungjin to look around the neighborhood, and I’ll stay here in case Dowoon comes to our house, okay?”

“… Okay… okay… thanks, Pil,” Brian says, mind already flashing through a million different places his son could have run off to.

“We’ll find him, Bri. Now go call Jae already.”

Jae wraps the covers tighter around himself, determined to block out the world for as long as possible.

It’s been two weeks since Brian’s talked to him.

Misery engulfs him- a pervasive, insidious feeling now.

_I’m so pathetic…_

Vaguely, he registers the familiarity of the words and groans into his pillow.

_Fucking fuck._

_Brian was right._

_I’m horrible at loving myself_.

He pulls the comforter over his head and bundles himself into a big, warm ball, hoping to block out his own thoughts and pretend that Brian’s wrapped around him instead.

_I miss him…_

Once Jae had gotten over his initial indignation at Brian’s accusations, he’d realized the man, as per usual, had been right. And he’d hated Brian for it.

But even more than that, he’d hated himself.

Which is why he hasn’t tried contacting Brian since, too afraid to confront whatever this bullshit is inside of him.

Besides, Brian deserves better.

Kicking himself mentally once again, Jae thrashes around in the covers before realizing he can’t breathe, pushing his head out with a gasp.

It’s then that he hears the knocking, loud and insistent.

He hasn’t even brushed his teeth and it’s already noon. There’s no way he’s getting that door.

“ _Jae? Are you there?”_

Fuck, it’s Brian.

And he sounds frantic.

Rushing out of bed, tripping over the covers as they tangle with his limbs, Jae careens down the hallway before wrenching open the door, slightly out of breath.

Once it’s open, Jae can only stare.

_God, Brian is so beautiful._

“I… I…” Brian stammers, blinking with wide, teary eyes. “Did you just get out of bed?”

Before Jae can say anything, Brian throws himself into Jae, hugging him tightly and burying his face into Jae’s chest.

Startled, he can only wrap his arms around Brian.

“I-is everything okay? I mean- not that I mind if this is how you want to make up, but-“

Brian makes a strangled noise in Jae’s chest, and Jae realizes the man is _sobbing._

“Oh fuck, Bri, what’s wrong?” he asks, hurriedly wrapping his arms tighter, rubbing a frantic hand up and down Brian’s back.

“Dowoon’s… missing…” Brian gets out in between cries. “H-he _ran away_ …”

“Oh my god, um…” Jae ushers the man inside, closing the door behind him. “Where have you looked? What happened?”

Brian shakes his head feverishly.

“I came straight here after c-calling Wonpil… th-they’re going to look around their… but I haven’t yet- oh god, _what if something happens to him?_ ”

Brian’s shaking in his arms, and Jae realizes this is going to go nowhere fast if he doesn’t get Brian to calm down.

“Hey, baby…” he says as soothingly as he can, running a hand through Brian’s hair. “Bri baby, _shh_ … you need to calm down, okay? Dowoon’s a smart kid, he’s not going to get himself into trouble. You’re a good dad, and you’ve got us all on your side. We’ll find him. He’s safe, yeah?”

As he says this, he places their foreheads together, bringing his face level with Brian’s tear-streaked one.

Rubbing the moisture from Brian’s cheeks, he waits till Brian looks into his eyes.

“ _Dowoon is safe._ Do you believe me?”

Brian nods, sniffling.

“Good. You can cry later. After we find him. But for now, let’s focus our efforts on finding Woonie, yeah?”

Another nod, and Jae gives him a kiss on the forehead.

“C’mon, let’s go.”

As they exit the apartment, Jae feels a strange sense of relief.

Brian still loves him enough to depend on him in a crisis.

Briefly, he wonders what will happen once they find Dowoon, but he quickly pushes the thought out of mind, focusing on the task ahead.

Yawning, the cashier checks the time. Again.

12:20 PM.

 _I can’t wait to get out of here,_ she thinks. _Four more hours… ugh._

Her manager exits the office, and she hurries to look busy, grabbing the towel and disinfectant spray, wiping down her checkout belt for what must be the fiftieth time this morning.

_It’s slow for a Sunday. Can’t something exciting happen for once?_

It’s then that the cashier sees the child.

He’s a pretty cute little guy- big, innocent eyes, cheeks still chubby with baby fat.

_Seems kinda young to be shopping by himself… where are his parents?_

The boy sees the cashier looking at him and his eyes go wide.

“Hey, are you lost-?”

The boy makes a scared sound and books it toward the door, almost tripping in his haste to get away.

“Wha- I’m not going to hurt you-“

It’s then that she sees what’s scaring him so much.

_He’s stealing! The fucking little-_

The cashier drops her cleaning supplies, wondering if she can leave her station, wishing she’d listened more closely when the manager had been going over the store’s theft policy.

“What are you doing?! Go after him!” the manager shouts.

Nodding frantically, the cashier takes off in hot pursuit of the tiny thief.

Terrified out of his mind, Dowoon sprints down the sidewalk, weaving his way around startled adults.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he shouts over his shoulder. “I’ll give it back, I promise!”

Running as fast as his short legs will allow, he makes his way back home, hoping his appa hasn’t found out yet.

Rounding the corner, he sprints down the road that will take him back home.

“Woonie!”

“Dowoon!”

He looks up, hearing his appa’s and Jae’s voices.

_If they’re together, this will be much easier._

Relieved, he shouts back, “Appa! Mr. Chicken Little!”

He starts running toward them, but his father’s face morphs in horror and he screams, “ _No!_ ”

Then everything is noise, noise, NOISE- screeching of rubber on asphalt _-_

_-HONKING-_

_-SCREAMING-_

_-BLINDING LIGHTS-_

-and Dowoon’s pulled back by the collar at the last possible second into the arms of the very person he was running so hard to avoid.

Struggling, he shrieks, trying to kick his way out of the employee’s arms.

“You’re safe now, you’re safe!” the person is shouting, arms locked tight around him.

Desperately, Dowoon clutches the item in his arms, determined to keep it secure till he can use it properly.

“Dowoon! Dowoon, oh my god!”

His appa’s voice comes closer, and suddenly Dowoon is pulled into his father’s comfortingly strong arms.

“I was so worried, don’t you ever do that ever again, you hear me?! _Oh my god-_ “

His father breaks off, clutching Dowoon so tightly it’s hard for him to breathe.

“A-appa…”

Startled, Dowoon realizes his father is _crying._

“Y-you’re not mad?” he asks with a small voice.

His father shakes his head, hugging him tighter, and Dowoon can feel wet tears falling against his neck.

Relieved and shaken, Dowoon sags against his father, now crying as well.

“Appa… I just wanted to h-help…”

Wailing, he clutches at his father’s chest.

“ _Don’t scare me like that ever again, okay? Please…_ ”

Nodding frantically, Dowoon buries his face farther into his dad’s chest, terror and anxiety gradually easing away with the soothing warmth of his father around him.

Someone behind them clears their throat.

Dowoon stiffens.

“I’m glad he’s safe and everything, but I really need to get back to work or my manager’s going to yell at me,” the cashier says. “Do you mind…?”

Confused, Brian lets up his hold on Dowoon just enough to look down at what he has in his arms.

Dowoon hugs it to his chest, scared they’ll take away what he’d worked so hard to acquire.

Dumbfounded, Jae asks, “Is that Thanos’ gauntlet?”

The three of them sit on a park bench, thoroughly exhausted.

They must be some sight, given the way people are giving them glances as they pass by, but none of them are really in a state of mind to care.

Jae’s still in his pajamas, for god’s sake.

He runs a weary hand over his unshaven face.

On the bench to his right, Dowoon is scrunched, thoroughly wrapped up in Brian’s arms and legs, which are forming a makeshift cage around the boy.

“Appa, this is uncomfortable…”

“Don’t care,” Brian says haughtily. “I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

“Appa, I can’t breathe- Mr. Chicken Little-“

Dowoon turns imploring eyes toward him, but Jae shakes his head.

“Sorry, kiddo. I’m with your dad on this one. What you did today was extremely dangerous.”

Dowoon pouts but stops struggling.

“I just wanted to help…”

Brian sighs heavily, and Jae feels something in him wilt.

Now that the crisis is averted, there’s no reason for Brian to not just go back to ignoring him.

After the initial scare was over, they’d had to reassure the many onlookers that there had been no injuries, as well as apologize to the driver, who luckily hadn’t hit anything as they’d swerved.

Once that was done, there had also been the matter of the theft.

Fortunately, the cashier had been extremely kind, stating that the merchandise was returned and undamaged, and that it was more important that no one had been hurt. Brian had bowed profusely, thanking her endlessly for saving his son and also making his son apologize for causing her trouble. Dowoon had done so without hesitation, though he’d seemed reluctant to part with the plastic gauntlet.

Remembering the boy’s explanation, Jae can’t help but smile at the sheer innocence of the boy.

_“I thought things would go back to normal if I used it to snap, like in the movie…”_

“Woonie, there are better ways to help than to steal. Stealing is very, _very_ bad. You could go to jail for that, you know?”

The boy nods meekly. “I’m sorry, Appa…”

Brian sighs again, kissing the side of his son’s head. “It’s okay, Woonie. As long as you never do it again. Promise?”

“I promise,” Dowoon affirms.

“And promise that you’ll never run away again, okay? You really scared me, Woonie.”

Brian holds out his pinky.

“I’m sorry, Appa… I promise.”

Dowoon returns the gesture, entwining their pinkies and rotating his hand so their thumbs touch.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Appa.”

“You’re still never leaving my sight ever again.”

Dowoon groans, pouting.

Then the boy’s stomach growls, causing him to stiffen in Brian’s arms.

Brian chuckles.

“I guess we never ate our lunch, huh? How about some ice cream, too?”

Dowoon perks up at that, and Brian swings him up off the bench and into his arms, standing with one fluid motion.

Jae rises too, awkwardly clearing his throat, about to make some excuse to go back to his own sorry apartment.

“You’re coming too, aren’t you?”

Jae’s head snaps up.

“We’ve got fried rice,” Brian offers, a hint of a smile teasing the corners of his lips.

“I- fried rice sounds good,” Jae replies, hopeful.

Brian jerks his head and they start walking back to the apartment.

Jae’s phone rings out in the silence, and he digs it out of his pocket.

“Oh shit, we forgot-“

“ _Where the fuck are you two?! I haven’t been able to reach Brian for the past hour! Have you found Dowoon?! Is everything okay?! Do we need to call the police?!”_

Wonpil’s voice comes streaming over the phone, worried and hysterical.

Jae winces, holding the phone a little further from his ear.

“Wonpil! _Wonpil_! Yes, we’re okay. Everyone’s okay. I’m with Brian and Dowoon right now, we’re heading to Brian’s apartment… No, you don’t need to come over… Yes, I’ll send you a picture as proof,” Jae huffs.

Brian looks over in amusement.

“Sorry, Pil, we’ll explain later, okay? Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.”

“We’re going to hear an earful from him later, aren’t we?” Brian asks as Jae hangs up.

By this time, they’ve reached the apartment.

Jae grimaces. “Unfortunately.”

“Ah, well,” Brian sighs.

Shifting Dowoon in his arms, Brian digs his keys out of his pocket to let them in.

Once inside, Brian quickly reheats the food, and they eat in silence, too exhausted to converse.

Dowoon falls asleep at the table before the ice cream can even be pulled out, and Brian asks Jae to wait as he puts the boy to bed.

When he pulls Dowoon into his arms, the boy blinks bleary eyes open, murmuring, “You’re going to make up now, right?”

Brian smiles wryly, giving Jae a quick glance. “We’re going to talk, Woonie, yes.”

As Brian walks away, Jae feels his heartbeat quicken, having heard the distinction the man had just made.

He’s beyond nervous, worried at what’s going to happen as soon as they’re alone.

There’s no way in hell that he’s prepared for this conversation.

Fidgeting with his own fingers, he jerks his knees up and down in an anxious rhythm.

_What if he wants to break up?_

_What if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?_

“Relax, I’m not going to murder you,” Brian jokes dryly, re-entering the kitchen a few minutes later.

Jae looks up, eyes glancing over Brian’s face before darting away again.

“I-“

“I’m sorry, Jae,” Brian cuts in.

Jae whips his head around.

“What? Why are _you_ apologizing? Wait… are we breaking up?”

Brian’s eyes widen.

“We’re not… Are we- do _you_ want to break up?”

Jae’s terrified of the idea.

“No!”

“Oh.”

Brian’s face at once looks relieved and confused.

“Good. I don’t want to break up either… Just so. We’re clear.”

Jae straightens, hopeful.

“But… we need to talk.”

He deflates again.

“I’m sorry because I pushed all the blame on you. I shouldn’t have said the things I said. Especially if…”

Brian gives Jae a hesitant look, as if weighing his words.

“Look, Jae. I don’t know if you realize this yourself, but some of the things you say about yourself are just so _negative_. Like, you don’t ever take credit for your own amazing qualities…”

Jae frowns, deeply baffled.

This is not the direction he thought the conversation would be going. At all.

“Whenever I compliment you, you always laugh it off or make some sort of self-deprecating joke. And whenever something doesn’t go the way you planned, you take it so hard, like you’re beating yourself up inside about it. You say that I’m perfect, Jae, but you don’t ever acknowledge your own accomplishments.”

Jae opens his mouth to protest but pauses, really mulling over Brian’s words and over everything he’s learned about himself these past two weeks.

“You _are_ perfect, Jae. In your own quirky, imperfect way, you are perfect. And that’s why I love you.”

Jae meets Brian’s eyes.

“Bri…”

Brian shakes his head.

“But you can’t keep going on like this. Trust me, I’ve been there before,” he says, smiling wryly. “When Ayeon left me, I had such a negative mindset toward myself and blamed myself for every single little thing, telling myself I wasn’t good enough to be a father or a lover. Sound familiar?”

Jae’s eyes widen at the admission, and haltingly, he nods.

“I went through a string of bad relationships because of it- people who would take my weaknesses and throw them at me, guilt me into doing what they wanted and be what they needed… Which is why I’m so, so _sorry_ -“

Brian’s voice breaks a little.

“Sorry that I just completely shut you out like that. I know how terrible it must have felt. So, I’m sorry.”

“Brian, wait- it’s not your fault-“

“But it’s not yours either, Jae,” Brian says. “Don’t you see that?”

“But what I said…” Jae insists. “I didn’t mean it. I don’t think you’ll leave like… like Ayeon did.”

He winces as he reiterates the appalling thing he’d said that day.

Brian reaches over the table to take Jae’s hands.

Jae yearns to pull Brian into his arms as he clasps the warmth of Brian’s hands in his own.

“I know. I mean, yeah, it was a shitty thing to say, but I get it. We were both angry... Jae, I don’t want to change _anything_ about you, but do you see how unhealthy your mindset can be?”

Jae nods, swallowing with difficulty.

“Yeah, I’ve realized _a lot_ in these past few weeks… I mean, the first week I could barely get out of bed because I was so depressed about my self-image-“

Brian winces.

“-but it’s not your fault!” Jae hurries to reassure him. “I needed that to figure out that I’m doing myself more harm than good. And I get that I need to work on focusing on the good rather than the bad. It’s just hard because… look, Bri. I’ve always been a loser.”

Brian frowns, opening his mouth to retort, but this time Jae cuts him off.

“I mean, I know you don’t think of me like that, but there was a time when everyone at school made fun of me for looking different, for being different. I mean, I can’t blame them, I was literally a walking snot-ball 24/7. And… and- god, I can’t believe I’m saying this-“

Jae digs into years of repressed emotion. The horrible, undeserved things that had made him into who he is today.

“Do you know what it does to a kid when he invites his whole class to his birthday party but no one shows up? Not a _single_ one.”

Brian’s face contorts.

“ _Oh, Jae_ …”

Jae shakes his head.

“I can’t promise that I’ll ever be able to completely erase these feelings, but... Even just being around you these past few months… Bri, you make me feel like I could do _anything_. You’re so confident and bright, and you make me _happy_. You make me believe that I can be a better version of myself. So… for you, I want to try.”

Brian shakes his head.

“You have to try for yourself too, Jae.”

“I… I will,” he promises. “I’ll try.”

Brian smiles.

“That’s all I ever wanted,” he says. “And… I’ll do my best, too. To support you.”

Brian rounds the table, swinging a leg over Jae to straddle him.

“Can I?” he asks, awkwardly hovering.

Jae bites down on his lip before nodding.

Brian lowers himself onto Jae and then they’re hugging, the solid heat of Brian against his body bringing cathartic tears to his eyes.

“I missed you so much, Bri,” Jae whispers, burying his face into Brian’s neck.

He breathes deeply, letting Brian’s familiar, sweet, citrusy scent wash over him.

“ _I missed you too._ ”

Too overcome with emotion to hold himself back, Jae makes the first move for once.

He reaches for what he wants.

Raising his head, he grasps the back of Brian’s neck and brings their lips together in a passionate kiss, melding their mouths together as though trying to fuse them into one person.

Brian reciprocates, meeting his movements with fervor and heat.

“I love you so, _so much_ ,” Jae gets out in a spare breath, bringing Brian infinitely closer.

It’s a few moments longer before Brian can get himself to disconnect their lips long enough to say, “I love you too, Jae. More than you could ever know.”

Brian presses closer as their mouths collide, hands roaming through hair and over skin.

_God, I’ve missed this._

The fire within Jae roars to life, searing him from the inside out.

He wants Brian so much.

Brian wants him too, if the way that he subtly shifts his hips forward is any indication.

Wrapping his arms around Brian’s legs, he lifts them from the chair, standing.

Brian moans into his mouth.

“You’re so hot when you show off your strength.”

“I’m-“

 _I’m not strong_ , Jae is about to say, before realizing.

“I… um…”

He realizes he doesn’t have a response that’s not self-deprecating.

Brian smiles.

“One step at a time, yeah?”

Jae nods, blushing.

He takes them to Brian’s room, finding difficulty in navigating the hallway while Brian is attacking the sensitive areas of his neck with teeth and tongue.

“Bri, _mm- baby-_ “

Brian giggles as Jae almost loses his balance trying to get the door open.

Jae deposits him with an exaggerated huff on the bed.

Brian looks up at him, all the love in the world in his eyes.

Jae believes in it this time.

“Jae, is it okay if I...” Brian starts, uncertain. “I want to show you how beautiful you are.”

He blinks, taking in the flush in Brian’s cheeks, the way his mussed brown hair falls across his forehead.

Slowly, Brian reaches up to grasp the front of his shirt, guiding him closer until Jae’s hovering over him, one knee on the mattress.

Brian pushes so Jae flops onto the soft sheets.

Climbing on top of him, Brian looks down, a beautiful seduction with his mussed, tawny hair and the glint of his silver earrings. His vulpine eyes are dark as he gazes at Jae.

Jae blushes furiously as he realizes what Brian intends.

“I’m not ready- I didn’t prepare- um…”

“I’ll take care of you,” Brian murmurs, already kissing his way along Jae’s temple.

“It’s dirty…” Jae protests weakly.

“We have condoms,” Brian replies. “… Besides, I’ve always liked it a little dirty.”

Jae pulls back.

Brian’s grinning, mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

“You’re _disgusting_ ,” Jae says, laughing.

“No, I’m yours,” Brian replies, kissing him.

Jae wraps his arms around Brian, surrendering himself to the man he loves.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jae asks.

Brian shushes him.

He’s running his hands along Jae’s legs, stroking the swell of his calves to the sensitive skin along the back of his knees.

Slowly, he’s been kissing his way up Jae’s legs.

The feeling is tingly and a bit ticklish, but Jae can’t deny the effect it’s having on him as Brian’s head inches closer to his need.

“We can just do it the usual way-“

“Jae.”

Brian interrupts and looks up at him, amused.

“If you really don’t want to, we can stop. But if you’re protesting because you’re feeling self-conscious, then shush.”

Jae frowns.

“Stop pouting,” Brian chuckles.

“Not pouting.”

“Mhm,” Brian agrees absentmindedly, scraping his teeth along the inside of Jae’s thigh.

“ _Ahh-_ “

Jae clamps his mouth shut a second too late.

Blushing furiously, he tugs Brian’s bangs down over his eyes.

“Stop teasing,” he complains.

Chuckling lowly, Brian rubs his hands comfortingly along Jae’s legs.

“No can do. I’m going to take my sweet time and show you just how beautiful you are.”

The words make Jae’s ears heat even more than the actions.

_This man is so…_

“Flirt,” he mutters.

Brian nips his way up Jae’s thigh to nuzzle close to his crotch, and the proximity of his face to Jae’s dick arouses him unbearably.

To Jae’s disappointment, though, Brian moves past his hips, mouthing along his stomach toward his nipples.

He whines as Brian swirls his tongue around his chest, imagining that sinful tongue elsewhere.

“ _Bri_ …”

“Yeah, baby?”

Jae finds that words have stopped making sense in his brain. He clutches at Brian instead.

Brian kisses his way up Jae’s neck, leaving a hickey right at his collarbones.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs.

When he’s satisfied, Brian sits back on his haunches, surveying his work with a shrewd eye.

He smirks.

Jae burns with need.

Brian takes his hand in his own and lifts it toward his face.

“I love your hands,” Brian says, kissing along Jae’s palm. “So slender and elegant. And your fingers…”

Brian licks the valley between his digits before wrapping his mouth around Jae’s middle finger, swirling his tongue in a very provocative manner before releasing it with a pop.

“I love it when you open me up with them.”

“ _Brian,”_ Jae pants.

Quirking a wicked brow, Brian leans in close to Jae’s face.

“Yeah?”

“ _Please…_ ”

“Hm?”

“I want you to… to…”

Jae stalls, fiercely embarrassed.

Brian waits patiently, the bastard.

“ _Make love to me_ ,” he says finally. “I want you to love me.”

Brian takes his lips in a searing kiss.

“Gladly.”

Jae whines as Brian’s length stretches him open gradually.

It had felt like forever before Brian had been content enough with relishing his body before moving on to stretching him open, and goddammit, Jae is impatient.

“Brian, _please, god_ , just- fuck me already!” he begs.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Brian protests.

“ _I_ am going to fucking hurt _you_ if you don’t fucking _fuck_ -“

Jae bites off his words with a strangled cry as Brian pushes the last of the way in.

“Whiny.”

“Shut up,” he pants, relishing in the feel of Brian in him.

Brian is thick and hot, and the pulse of it within him is making him stiffen more than he thought possible.

Brian starts moving, and Jae moans at the slide of Brian’s cock against his walls.

“Is it okay?”

“Yeah, _yeah_ ,” Jae says, mind occupied with pleasure. “ _Just_ …”

He grabs Brian’s hand where it’s holding up his thigh and pulls him in closer, so he’s bent over Jae, folding him in half.

This way, Brian’s close- so close Jae can feel the heat as it radiates from his body.

He watches Brian’s face as he thrusts within him, and watches the absolute pleasure that crinkles his brow, the sweat rolling down his reddening face, the unadulterated love in Brian’s eyes.

_Is this how I look when it’s the other way around?_

Brian moans low in his throat as Jae clenches around him, and Jae feels pleasure bubble up in his gut.

“Feeling good, baby?” Jae asks.

“Y-yeah…” Brian pants, hips snapping, the wet slap of lube and skin on skin resonating in the air. “You feel so good, Jae. You’re so gorgeous… _I love you_ _so much…_ ”

Their lips meet in a messy kiss that rocks with the motion of Brian inside him, and as Brian gasps against his skin, Jae realizes that if his body can bring this much pleasure to the man he loves, perhaps it isn’t so bad after all.

Brian brushes something deep inside him that sends pleasure shooting through his nerves.

“ _Bri, there, again-“_ he moans.

Brian complies, and then Jae’s mind is lost in a haze of sensation.

The next morning, they’re woken rather unceremoniously by the door banging open and Dowoon running in with a loud yell.

“Appa, we’re going to be late for school!”

Jae jerks awake, frantically making sure he’s covered by the blankets.

Thank god he is.

“Uhh- I- umm-“

“Oh,” Dowoon says. “You made up.”

The boy grins brightly.

Jae blushes.

“Are those bug bites?” Dowoon asks, pointing to his chest. “I _told_ Appa we need more bug spray.”

Jae looks down at himself and promptly wants to crawl into a hole and die of mortification as he takes in the assortment of hickeys Brian had left on him.

_I am so going to kill him._

“ _Brian_ …” he mutters, glaring at the still-snoozing man beside him.

“I’ll eat cereal today,” Dowoon says. “Tell Appa we’re going to be late. He’s less grumpy when you wake him up.”

And then the boy runs out of the room, leaving the door wide open.

Jae buries his face in his hands.

He hears a breathy sound next to him that sounds suspiciously like laughter.

“You were _awake?!”_ he cries.

Brian breaks into audible laughs, wrapping warm arms around Jae’s waist and pressing his face into him.

“I swear, you are the literal _worst_.”

At this, Brian extracts his face from Jae’s middle, sitting up so they’re face to face.

“I love you too, Jae.”

Grimacing, Jae contorts his face but ultimately can’t help the smile that overtakes it.

“Love you too… jerk.”

In love and happy, they kiss until Dowoon’s impatient voice can be heard from the kitchen.

“Appas! School! Hurry up!”

Jae blinks.

“Did he just…? He probably meant-“

Brian leans in close, devilish grin on his face.

“ _C’mon, Daddy, time for work_.”

Jae’s face colors.

“You are. _So._ Disgusting.”

Laughing, bright and loud, Brian kisses him one last time before rolling to his feet.

Watching the way Brian gets out of bed with a stretch, arms reaching overhead, face scrunching up, golden skin peeking out from below the hem of his shirt, Jae thinks he wouldn’t mind getting married to this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist making at least one dad joke in a dad fic. Sorry not sorry.
> 
> Thank you for all the comments yesterday! You all are seriously funny people. And to my multicultural friends- I feel you. I'm Taiwanese-American. 
> 
> I hope with this chapter I've made you guys feel a bit better after the angst storm yesterday. One more update- likely to happen tomorrow. Thank you for your support :)


	12. Night Sky (Epilogue)

**[2 Years Later]**

“Jae, where’s the masking tape? I could’ve sworn I put it here…“

Brian puts his hands on his hips, surveying the room with narrowed eyes.

It’s a mess of boxes- all in various states of fullness- and a jumble of oddly shaped items that couldn’t be crammed in. There’s a pile of blankets that will probably be stuffed into a bag at the last minute, as well as an assortment of Dowoon’s toys the boy had wanted to pack himself.

 _We’re finally moving in together_.

Brian’s heart fills with happiness at the thought of taking this next step with the man he’d fallen in love with two years ago.

_We’ve really grown so much since then._

“Coffee table! Might be under the blankets!” Jae’s voice filters in from the master bedroom.

Indeed, Brian spots the round lump under the red fleece throw they like to use for movie nights.

“Found it, thanks!” he calls back, snagging it and ripping a satisfying length from the roll.

Jae ambles in moments later, chin propped atop two cardboard boxes he’s stacked in his outstretched arms.

Brian watches as Jae heaves the boxes onto a stack near the door, admiring the way his biceps flex under the weight.

“That’s my man,” he teases, setting the tape down to drag Jae into a kiss.

Packing can wait.

Jae’s lips can’t.

Jae pulls him in by the hip, his other hand curling around the nape of Brian’s neck, cradling his head.

“Wanna know what I found in your room?” Jae asks when they break apart.

“What?”

The smile on Jae’s face turns awfully sly.

Reaching into the back of his pocket, he pulls out a photo, dramatically flipping it over at the last second in front of Brian’s face.

Brian physically cringes.

“Oh my god, no! Get that away from meee!” he cries, falling to the floor with his face in his hands. “Nooo!”

It’s a picture of him as an idol trainee- hair awfully styled, shiny lipstick, garishly patterned sweater and all.

“I can’t believe-! _Where did you even find that?_ ” he wails, struggling against how Jae’s now tugging him into a placating hug.

_Lies._

_I can hear you laughing, you bastard._

“It was in one of your photo albums. In the back of your closet. In a box labelled, ‘ _Things to Take to My Grave.’_ Naturally, I was curious.”

Brian groans.

“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad,” Jae says comfortingly.

He glares at Jae.

“Okay, it’s kind of bad. But you’ve seen _my_ pictures.”

“Yeah, but at least you had that whole cute nerd thing going for you,” Brian complains. “I don’t know how I thought I looked even _remotely_ good.”

Jae chuckles, leaning in to give him a kiss.

“You always look good.”

“You’re a real sweet talker, aren’t you,” Brian comments, begrudgingly fitting his lips once more to Jae’s, letting Jae lower him to the floor as they make out.

Things are just starting to get a bit heated when Brian’s phone alarm goes off.

“Ah,” he murmurs, separating their lips. “Time to pick up Dowoonie.”

“I’ll get him,” Jae offers.

“You’re the best,” Brian says, kissing him again before shoving him off his lap and toward the door. “Off you go now, dearest.”

Grumbling under his breath, Jae gets to his feet.

Brian crosses his legs, remaining seated as he watches Jae tug on his shoes.

“All these boxes had better be packed when I get back, you hear me?” Jae says, opening the door. “I don’t wanna see no slacking off.”

Brian salutes him, grinning.

“Aye aye, sir.”

By the time Jae’s made the half-hour round trip to the Kindergarten, Brian’s gotten through a decent number of boxes and managed to finish clearing the kitchen. All that’s left are Dowoon’s toys, a couple items in the bathroom, and some pillows in the master bedroom.

They won’t have time to move into the new place tonight, so they’ll be staying at Jae’s place, which will be cleared after the move.

The click of the lock turning in the door makes him heave himself upright from where he’s sprawled across the floor for a short break.

Ducking through the doorway, Jae gives him a look.

Brian points to the newly packed boxes to his right.

“Appa! Guess what? Look!”

Dowoon swings his legs excitedly from where he’s perched on Jae’s shoulders, fingers clenched around something in his hand.

Chuckling, Jae bends over so the boy can reach the ground.

As soon as his feet touch the floor, Dowoon runs to him, hand outstretched, face bared in a wide smile.

“Appa! My tooth fell out!”

Beaming so wide his cheeks are stretched out, the gap in Dowoon’s top row of teeth is extremely obvious, and the miniscule incisor lying in his palm nearly makes Brian tear up.

_Kids grow up so fast._

“Your first tooth fell out?!” Brian exclaims. “You’re such a big boy now, Woonie! We have to celebrate tonight! How about fried chicken for dinner?”

Dowoon cheers, jumping up and down excitedly.

“We’ll order it when we get to Jae’s place, then,” Brian says, smiling at his son’s happiness.

Dowoon’s eyes go wide, and he stops jumping.

He looks horrified for some reason, and suddenly Brian’s worried.

“What’s wrong, Woonie?”

“Do you think…” Dowoon starts, voice small. “Do you think the Tooth Fairy will know that we moved? How will they find my tooth?”

Biting down hard on his tongue, Brian shares a look with Jae over the top of his son’s head.

“Oh, Woonie, don’t worry,” Jae says, hugging the boy from behind. “The Tooth Fairy is suuuper smart. They’ll know just where to find you. They’ve got special tracking devices to make sure they find every single little tooth out there.”

Dowoon’s face shifts again, this time to excitement.

“Really? You think so?”

“I _know_ so.”

“How do you know?”

Jae looks stumped.

“Jae’s seen it before,” Brian says, cutting in. “He caught a glimpse of the Tooth Fairy when he was your age.”

“Really?!”

Dowoon’s eyes light up in wonderment as he looks up at Jae.

“Y-yeah…” Jae chuckles, slightly nervous.

“It was late at night when he was supposed to be asleep,” Brian continues, already thinking of where he wants to take this made-up story. “But you shouldn’t try to catch the Tooth Fairy. You know why, Woonie?”

“Why?” Dowoon asks, turning his rapt attention back to his dad.

“Because you won’t get your reward that way. When Jae saw the Tooth Fairy, they disappeared instantly, without leaving him _anything_.”

Dowoon gasps.

“Good boys need to sleep well to earn rewards,” Brian says sagely, wrapping up his spiel. “Understand?”

Dowoon nods solemnly.

“Good. Now go pack your toys, we should go soon if we want chicken!”

The boy runs off eagerly to the pile of playthings in the corner, and Brian stands, stretching out his legs.

“Nice save,” Jae says lowly, wrapping an arm around his waist.

Brian laughs, laying his head on the taller man’s shoulder.

“Couldn’t have done it without you,” he murmurs.

Jae leans his head on top of Brian’s, and they stand, content in their love for one another and for the boy bustling about the other end of the room.

A family.

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (They get married eventually. Dowoon's the ring bearer. Brian's in a classic black tux while Jae- gorgeous man that he is- wears a white tux. Jae wrote a full page of things he wanted to say for his vow but ends up ditching it and going with his heart. Brian cries.)
> 
> And because I just couldn't let these characters go, I wrote a few extras. Click on the next button!


	13. Extras

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each of these extras takes place between Chapter 11 and Chapter 12 (Epilogue).

**[EXTRA 1: Jae Calls Terry]**

Jae fiddles nervously with a string on his ripped jeans as the line rings.

_What if he hates me?_

_He’s Brian’s best friend…_

_I was such a complete jerk._

It’s been a month now since Terry left, but Jae had figured better late than never.

“Hello? Who is this?”

Terry’s deep voice comes over the phone.

“H-hi, Terry,” Jae starts, voice cracking a bit. “Um- it’s Jae, I got your number from Brian, how’s it going?”

“Oh! Hi, Jae! Not much going on over here. What’s up?”

With how much Jae’s pulling at the string, he’s sure the hole in his jeans is already getting bigger.

At least Terry doesn’t sound angry.

He takes a deep breath.

“Um, I just really wanted to apologize. You know, for my behavior when you visited. It was absolutely uncalled for, and I was being such a jerk, and- and I’m sorry,“ he gets out in one breath.

“Hey, it’s okay! I get it, I’m just so good looking, you couldn’t help but feel a bit threatened,” Terry jokes in a lofty voice.

Jae laughs, feeling something in him loosen.

“Nah, but really, Brian told me you were working through some personal things. I hope everything worked out?”

“Yeah… it did. Thanks,” Jae says.

“You know, Jae…” Terry starts. “It might not be my place to say, but Brian really loves you.”

Jae’s throat constricts.

“When we talked after, all he could say was that he’d hurt you really bad, and that he hoped you’d forgive him.”

“I will. I did,” Jae says, stumbling over words at the realization of Brian’s insecurities. “I’ll always forgive him… And besides… it was both our faults.”

Terry chuckles.

“Guess he’s rubbed off on you, too.”

“He has.”

Jae bites his lip.

“I’m sorry. Again,” Jae reiterates. “For being a dick. Next time you visit, we’ll go to a bunch of cool places, and I swear I’ll only be a jerk if you deserve it.”

Laughing, Terry says, “Nah, next time you guys need to come to Canada! I’ll show you around all our old haunts, dig up a couple photo albums…”

Jae grins.

“Sounds real good.”

A week later, Jae’s retrieving his mail from the metal box on the first floor of his apartment complex.

Turning the key to close the door again, he rifles through the stack of bills, ads, and… an envelope. From Canada.

He checks the sender and sure enough, it’s from Terry.

“What…?” Jae mutters aloud, ripping through the inch-thick envelope, too curious to wait.

Inside is a DVD with the words “Lang. Arts Grade 10: Macbeth” written on the cover in red sharpie.

Attached to the other side is a yellow post-it reading, “Let us know when you want to come to Canada, Lisha is so excited! In the meantime, enjoy this ;)”

A slow grin crawls its way across Jae’s face.

_Oh, the things I can do with this…_

* * *

**[EXTRA 2: Brian’s Birthday]**

“Jae, seriously, I don’t want anything. Let’s just celebrate during Christmas,” Brian argues for the thousandth time as he takes a pen to the manuscript open on his lap, drawing a red line through a sentence. “It’s what we do every year, I really don’t mind.”

Jae grumbles from the other side of the couch where he’s got his guitar out, plucking a tune absentmindedly.

“Fine! If you really don’t want to do something special, fine! Sorry for trying,” Jae huffs.

Brian looks over, raising his eyebrows at the indignant tone.

“Is it really that important to you?” Brian asks.

Jae shrugs.

“ _You’re_ important to me,” he mumbles. “So, yeah.”

Biting his lip to hide the grin, Brian sets down his pen and crawls over to the other side of the couch.

Placing the guitar on the ground, he takes Jae’s face in his hands.

“You. Are. So. _Cute!_ ” he coos, squishing Jae’s cheeks together and laughing at the horrified expression he’s now making.

“St-stop it!” Jae says, swatting his hands away crankily, face bright red.

Chuckling still, Brian sits in Jae’s lap and runs a hand through his brownish-blond hair.

“Fine,” he acquiesces. “I’ll let you prepare something. On one condition.”

Jae raises a brow.

“What?”

“Nothing flashy or expensive. Please.”

Jae smiles.

“Deal.”

Brian forgets all about their agreement, going through most of his birthday two weeks later without it ever even crossing his mind.

Work keeps him busy as the writing cycle has once again started over, more and more manuscripts piling up on his desk.

It’s only when a coworker says a quick “Happy Birthday!” as they pass in the hall that he remembers what day it is.

When he gets home that night (going straight from work, since Jae had said he’d pick up Dowoon), he opens the door to a quiet apartment.

“I’m home!” he calls out. “Jae? Woonie?”

As he bends down to place his shoes on the rack, he sees a bright pink post-it note right where his oxfords usually go.

There’s a picture of a smiling dog drawn in marker (evidently done by Dowoon) and words in Jae’s handwriting reading:

_#1: You found me! Now find my friend, he likes to eat snacks!_

Brian grins, heart warming.

_So it’s going to be a game then, huh?_

He makes his way to the kitchen, checking the cupboard where they keep the snacks, and sure enough, there’s another post-it, this time with a bear drawn next to the dog.

_#2: Good job! One of our friends got lost in the couch. Can you help us find him?_

Laughing to himself, Brian heads to the couch and starts removing the cushions, keeping his eyes peeled for another note.

When he’s removed all the seats but not found any post-its, he wrinkles his brow in confusion.

_Did I misread?_

_No…_

He looks back at the cushions and grins.

Pasted on the underside of one of the overturned cushions is the third note.

Peeling it off the fabric, he sees that a rabbit has now joined the bear and dog.

_#3: Whoo, it was getting hard to breathe under there! Thanks for finding me! Go wake up our friend, he sleeps too much!_

Brian heads to Dowoon’s bedroom and checks his bed, the pillows, even under the blankets.

Nothing.

_Maybe my room?_

When he gets to the door of his own room, the bright pink note is obvious where it’s pasted to his pillow.

Peeling it off, he smiles at the fox that’s now joined the other three, small z’s drawn around his head.

Before he can read the words, though, he hears a noise from the back of the room.

He stiffens, before realizing the only thing it could possibly be.

Pressing his lips together to stifle a laugh, he reads the rest of the note, out loud this time.

 _“_ Number Four. Our last friend gets really scared of the dark. Can you help him find the light?”

Hushed whispers are coming from the closet before they’re abruptly cut off.

“Hm… I wonder what this could mean…” Brian wonders aloud, already taking quiet steps toward the closet.

“Found you!” he shouts, wrenching the door open violently.

Dowoon shrieks from where he’s curled up in Jae’s arms, the two of them squished among boxes and under hanging clothing, and Jae and Brian both break out into laughter.

They each have a little plastic gift bow pasted onto their hair.

Jae’s is nearly falling off.

“Surprise!” Jae says, grinning.

“Happy birthday, Appa!”

Dowoon launches himself into Brian’s arms, and Brian heaves him up. “Aigoo, you’re getting so heavy, Woonie.”

“Appa’s getting old,” Dowoon retorts.

“That I am,” Brian says congenially. “And what a good present you are, Mr. Woonie.”

He gives Dowoon a big kiss on the head, smiling when the boy giggles.

“Actually…” Jae starts. “That was originally the plan, but… I saw these, and I couldn’t help myself.”

Grinning, he reveals a small box from behind him, a final pink note stuck to the top.

_#5: We love you._

The picture shows a chicken joining the previous four animals, all of them hugging tight.

Feeling overly touched by the sentiment, Brian opens the box to find five earrings sitting inside.

They’re all of different design- one a star with a turquoise bead in the middle, another a sun-like shape with a feather dangling from it. All are silver and pristine and “ _Beautiful_ ,” he says. “Jae, they’re beautiful. But I told you nothing expensive!”

Jae smiles sheepishly.

“I know, but… I love you?”

Brian melts at that, thoroughly enamored.

“Love you too,” he says, deciding to let it go this time. “I’ll wear them well, thank you.”

He kisses Jae on the lips, before giving Dowoon another kiss on the cheek.

“Happy birthday, Bri.”

_Happy birthday indeed._

* * *

**[EXTRA 3: Christmas]**

Brian eyes the small, crudely wrapped package before shrewdly eyeing Jae’s nervous face.

“It’s not something expensive again, is it?”

“No, no! It’s nothing like that!” Jae protests. “It’s just, uh… I’m just not sure you’ll like it.”

Brian laughs through his nose.

He’s sure he’ll love anything Jae gives him, regardless of what it is.

On the sofa behind him, Dowoon’s delightedly watching a Christmas film with Sungjin and Wonpil. He’s clutching the brand new, soft plush dog that Jae’s given him to replace Mr. Beanie (who had regrettably had an unfortunate accident in the washing machine a month ago), and Brian already knows it’s going to be nigh impossible to separate the toy from his son.

He uses a nail to pry the tape from the wrapping paper.

Unfolding the paper, he finds a phone charm. With a tiny little chicken attached to it.

Snorting, he breaks into loud laughs, clutching his stomach.

“Aww, how cute!” he cries. “Is this so you’ll always be with me? I can take you wherever I go? You’ll be with me in my thoughts?”

“Oh my god! I knew this was a bad idea!” Jae shouts, face already turning red.

He goes to grab the charm back, but Brian leans away, still laughing.

“Give it back!”

Dowoon and Wonpil look over, shushing them with daggers in their eyes.

More quietly, Jae stage-whispers, “Give it! I knew I should’ve just gotten you nothing!”

Brian giggles, clutching the charm to his chest.

“No, I love it! I’m going to name him JJ.”

He bursts into more giggles at the sight of Jae turning even redder.

* * *

**[EXTRA 4: New Year’s Day]**

“Appa! Look!”

Dowoon turns to Jae, big eyes bright with wonder.

Jae coughs, embarrassed.

He’s still not used to Dowoon calling him “Appa.”

Nevertheless, he turns his attention to where Dowoon’s gesturing- a small, brightly lit stage where people are gathering around a band.

Brian’s Christmas present to him and Dowoon had been a set of tickets to a jazz festival in a nearby city.

Why anyone would ever think to have a jazz festival while in the middle of winter is anyone’s guess.

But Jae’s found that the cold is not so bad, what with the hundreds of people milling about, going between brightly lit stages and food stands selling hot ginseng tea and steaming hobbang.

The band Dowoon’s pulling him and Brian toward is somewhat different than the ones they’ve passed by so far. This one’s not just a singer and a guitar and a keyboard. This one’s got a full drum set as well.

Jae hoists Dowoon onto his shoulders so he can see better and smiles when the boy starts beating a pattern atop his head.

The lead singer looks over and then doubletakes, presumably at the sight of Dowoon so high above everyone else.

“Looks like we’ve got a prodigy in the crowd tonight!” he says into the mic. “Kid! What’s your name!”

Dowoon stops drumming on Jae’s head to point to himself.

“Yeah, you! What’s your name?”

Jae can’t look up at Dowoon’s face without toppling him over, so he glances at Brian instead, who’s grinning.

“Dowoon!” Brian shouts, the boy evidently too flustered to respond himself.

“Dowoon, come on up! Do you want to play some real drums? I think your appa might lose some brain cells if you keep using his head.”

The crowd laughs.

Brian looks excitedly at his son. “C’mon, Woonie! Here’s your chance to play some real drums!”

Dowoon must agree, since Brian’s now lifting his arms up to retrieve the boy, setting him down on the ground.

Dowoon grasps Jae’s shirt as well, pulling them both to the front of the crowd, which parts before them.

When he gets to the edge of the stage, Brian nudges him forward, and the woman behind the drum set comes forward with a pair of sticks.

“Do you know how to use these?” she asks.

Dowoon nods his head up and down, still clinging to Jae’s shirt.

“Great! C’mon, I’ll show you the drums.”

His eyes go wide at that and his grasp on Jae finally loosens.

With one final prod from Brian, Dowoon moves forward.

The crowd cheers.

As Dowoon whaps on the drums, experiencing for the first time what it’s like to be a musician, Jae- exhibiting true dad energy- records it all on his phone.

(Unbeknownst to Jae, Brian’s recording _him_.)

* * *

**[EXTRA 5: Meeting the Parents]**

“So, Brian, what do you do?”

“I’m a book editor,” Brian replies, patting the corner of his mouth with the napkin.

“And you find that makes you enough income to support yourself and a child?”

Jae winces.

“Mom!”

“What? It’s a perfectly reasonable question,” his mother says, cutting her steak precisely with the knife.

“It’s fine, Jae,” Brian says, shooting him a smile. “Yes, I find that the salary is enough for both me and Dowoon’s living expenses, and then some. Luckily, I work at a fairly large company where the benefits are good.”

“I see, that’s great,” Jae’s mother replies.

To her left, Jae’s father nods solemnly, more focused on his food than the conversation.

Internally, Jae sighs.

The atmosphere so far this evening has been nothing short of awkward.

Jae had expected it, since his parents hadn’t been the _most_ understanding when he’d come out to them in college, but they’d eventually gotten over it, and he’d thought with all the media attention on gay rights lately, maybe things would be different.

Perhaps he’d been too hasty.

Honestly, it likely had to do with the fact that Brian’s parents had been so warm and welcoming.

After their first year as a couple had passed, Brian had decided it was time to take things a step further, surprising Jae with a videocall to his parents in Toronto shortly after he came home from work one day.

Jae had been startled, to say the least. (Brian had later stated it was so he wouldn’t overthink it, which Jae knows he would’ve, but still. A little warning would’ve been nice.)

But Brian’s parents had been nothing short of ecstatic to meet their son’s boyfriend, thrilled when Jae had introduced himself shyly and awkwardly, and even going so far as to ask when the wedding was.

Brian had laughed then, taking over the conversation in place of a flustered Jae, and luckily the rest of the event had gone by quite pleasantly.

Now, though, Jae doesn’t feel so lucky.

Brian’s nonchalantly eating his salad- _salad, Jae had noted_ \- and pretending nothing is wrong, but Jae can see how tensely he’s holding himself.

Dowoon, on the other hand, is happily devouring his spaghetti, uncaring of the sauce he’s getting on his face.

“Aigoo, you’re getting messy, Dowoonie,” Jae’s mom coos, using her napkin to wipe the boy’s face.

At least she seems to have taken a liking to Brian’s son.

Dowoon stares at Jae’s mother, quietly holding still.

“Halmeoni,” he says suddenly. “Is Jae-appa pretty because Halmeoni is so pretty?”

Jae drops his fork.

His mother laughs delightedly.

“Well, of course! Jae’s looks certainly didn’t come from his _father_!” she responds playfully.

“Harabeoji is pretty too, though,” Dowoon states, crinkling his nose.

Jae’s father chokes on his food, coughing and banging on his chest to dislodge it.

Jae can’t help it.

He snorts, turning his face away from the table.

Beside him, he feels Brian shaking with repressed laughter.

“Isn’t he?” Dowoon asks, pure innocence at its finest.

“He is, Woonie,” Brian agrees, messing with his son’s hair.

Jae clears his throat, returning his attention back to the table.

His father is _blushing_.

It’s a sight Jae wishes he could unsee.

They make it through the rest of dinner marginally more relaxed after Dowoon’s little intervention.

Afterward, the five of them decide to walk through a nearby park to enjoy the June weather.

Dowoon’s walking ahead with Jae’s parents, holding his mother’s hand.

Jae’s father has both hands clasped behind his back, stolidly walking a foot apart.

Dowoon looks up at Jae’s father, and for a moment, Jae wonders if he’s possibly scared of the man.

But then, Dowoon surprises them all- again- by tugging on the pressed seam of the man’s pants and asking, “Harabeoji, can I hug you?”

Jae wonders if he’s about to see his dad blush again.

“I can’t hug my other grandparents since they live far away. But since you’re here…”

The boy gazes up with hopeful eyes.

Jae’s father clears his throat gruffly. “Sure, kiddo.”

_And then leans down to pick Dowoon up into his arms._

Jae wonders if it’s normal to feel faint at this sort of development.

“Omo… where are your parents, Brian?” Jae’s mom asks, turning back toward them.

“They live in Canada,” Brian responds easily enough. “We all lived in Korea at first, but then I left to Canada for high school, and then they conveniently decided to move there just as I got back,” he says, chuckling.

“Ehh? That must have been so hard for you!” his mom exclaims.

Brian looks surprised at the sudden shift.

“I… yeah, it was, kind of,” he admits, shyly rubbing the back of his neck. “I got used to eating alone. And there were times I had to just lie in bed, sick, because there wasn’t anyone to take care of me. But I’m all good now! I have Dowoon. And Jae.”

Brian links their hands together, and Jae looks over at him in surprise. It’s the first outward show of affection he’s allowed them all night.

“Hm… I see,” Jae’s mother says quietly, taking in their hands.

She smiles.

“You’re certainly stronger than our Jae is. When he first moved to Korea, he kept calling us, homesick, begging us to come to Korea too.”

“That’s so not true!” Jae protests. “You moved here because you kept worrying about nothing!”

“Worrying about nothing?” his mother says in disbelief. “I don’t think it’s nothing if your son calls home every night because he has no friends! I don’t even know how you survived on your own.”

Jae groans, hiding his face in his free hand.

Beside him, Brian is laughing, and for the first time tonight, Jae feels like he might be doing the right thing.

“If that’s true, then Jae’s come a long way,” Brian says. “Dowoon and I got really sick one time and Jae nursed us both back to health. He didn’t even get sick himself, despite how awful his immune system is.”

“Not true. It was mostly just you,” Jae mutters. “Dowoon was already better by then.”

Brian shrugs good-naturedly. “You still looked after him while I couldn’t.”

Not able to deny that, Jae just bumps his shoulder against Brian’s, smiling when he smiles.

His mother watches the exchange carefully.

When they get to the subway station where they’ll part ways, they all pause, the night’s earlier awkwardness coming back to them.

“It was good meeting you,” Brian says politely, with a small bow.

“Oh, come now,” Jae’s mother tuts, bringing Brian in for a hug. “Call me Eomma. Since you can’t see your own mother often.”

Brian, stiff, instantly relaxes and returns the gesture.

“Thank you, Eomma,” he says, kissing her cheek before stepping back.

“Omo…” she says, bringing an elegant hand up to her cheek. “Jae, make sure you don’t mess this one up. He’s handsome _and_ sweet.”

Brian laughs, the smile reaching his eyes.

Smiling himself, Jae rolls his eyes with a “Yeah, yeah,” before turning to his father.

“Okay, Dad, you’re going to have to let go of Dowoonie now.”

All night since the park, Jae’s father has been carrying the child in his arms and Jae is amazed at his father’s stamina.

He seems reluctant to let go, as Dowoon’s fallen asleep, cradled against him.

Slowly and gently, Jae shifts Dowoon’s weight to his own arms, then more securely wraps a forearm beneath the boy.

Dowoon shifts and mumbles in his sleep, “ _Harabeoji_ …”

Jae’s father clears his throat. “Make sure you visit more often, okay? We don’t see you enough. And bring the tyke with you.”

Jae grins at that.

“I’m almost offended,” he retorts. “Sounds like you want to see Dowoon more than me.”

His father looks at him.

“Well, it’s true.”

Jae is about to make an outraged noise, but Dowoon shifts again, cuddling further into his neck, and Jae instantly quiets himself.

“ _Favoritism is not cool_ ,” he hisses, half-volume.

Jae’s father shrugs, while his mom and Brian look on with eerily similar smirks.

“Why am I still the only one being bullied?” he whines. “Make fun of Brian, too!”

“Please take care of our son,” Jae’s mother says, turning to Brian and completely ignoring him. “He needs it.”

Laughing in that loud, bright manner Jae had fallen in love with so long ago, Brian promises, “Don’t worry, I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I hope you've loved these characters as much as I have loved writing them. Thank you for all your comments- you guys have no idea how much they brightened my days, made me smile and laugh. Seriously! You guys are so sweet!
> 
> Also, hit me up on Twitter @otaiwanmei. I'd love to meet you and gush over DAY6's comeback together. Pls. I will scream with you over Kang Younghyun (or any of them, really) any time, any day.


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